My dd is 5 (Aug born). She is in Year 1. She loves school and is doing really well so no problems from this side. Her teachers have always said how well liked she is by her classmates and she's been invited to parties (not whole class ones) left, right and centre since September. However, ever since she started school there have been issues surrounding her close friendships.
I'll try to keep it as short and concise as possible. DD became friends with two girls in Reception- one (Lily) who is very loud, dominant, expects everything her own way and gets angry and shouts when anyone disagrees with her. The other girl (Poppy) is a bit of sheep and just lets Lily do what she wants. My dd falls between the two of them- she's sweet and kind and often happy to go with the flow but also has her own ideas about games and doesn't always want to do things the way Lily wants them to be done. Lily and Poppy became "best friends" and dd became their "second best friend" which meant that she was left out a lot by them, shouted at a lot by Lily and excluded from games at Lily's say so. My dd was too young to really notice what was going on at this point but as an adult observing their friendship I was really quite concerned at what would happen once she did notice how unequal this friendship was. I spoke a lot to her about what made a good friend and what to do if someone was mean to her so that she could tackle it on her own without adult interference. I also tried to encourage other friendships. It didn't make much difference as I guess she was too young to really understand what was going on.
Anyway, roll onto Year 1 and Lily was separated from the other two in a new class. I thought this might help their friendship issues spending less time together during the day however it moved up a notch and at break times Lily started excluding dd from their games on a more regular basis. However, Dd started making friends with a new girl in her class (Annie) and for a few months everything settled down with dd, and whilst she still spent time with her old friendship group (Lily and Poppy) she also started spending more time with her new friend (Annie) and had a number of play dates with her. However, in the past few weeks dd has come home repeatedly and said that Poppy and Annie are now best friends and Annie doesn't want dd to play with them. Dd cried herself to sleep about it tonight (not the first time) because she says that Annie and Poppy won't let her play with them. Poppy keeps ignoring her when she talks. Lily is also still excluding dd at times.
I just feel utterly fed up with her friendship issues. Last year, before she really understood what was going on, she would regularly wake up in the night crying because she'd had a dream that Lily was being horrible to her. I'd also hear her role playing with her Barbies about their friendship and it always involved the Lily character shouting at her. This year, other than the odd blip here and there, things have been calmer up until the last few weeks. However, in the last 3 weeks or so my dd is waking up most nights crying and rambling about these girls, she's very quick to get upset about any little thing that upsets her, she's crying herself to sleep and she's also wet herself a few times during the day at school (she's never had toilet issues in the past).
I've spoken to her teacher and she seemed unconcerned and told me that dd was popular so I needn't worry, but I'm seeing everyday how this is affecting her and I just don't know what to do to help her. I'm quite honestly sick of hearing these girls names, seeing the way they treat her and hearing how she's being excluded at break times. She seems really sad when she talks about them now. I just don't know what to do. Help!
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Year 1 dd being left out- advice needed
5 replies
GlowormsGlow · 06/02/2019 21:46
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