School refusal

(23 Posts)
Stressedoverkids Mon 12-Nov-18 09:20:38

I am just wondering if anybody else is going through this and if anybody has any advice.

Ten year old Ds is a school refuser. It's one of the most stressful things I have ever been through. There doesn't seem to be any help or advice for parents in this situation.

OP’s posts: |
giftsonthebrain Mon 12-Nov-18 13:24:01

At the age of ten is he able to express why he doesn’t want to attend?
Does he have any special needs?

Br1ll1ant Mon 12-Nov-18 13:27:37

We were on that path with my 9 year old son. We moved schools - he changed completely. School still isn’t his favourite place but he goes in happily. Sometimes they need a change and a fresh start.
I remember just how stressful it was and how it affected us as a family. I hope you find the answer and things improve.

Stressedoverkids Mon 12-Nov-18 13:48:50

I have arranged a meeting with the school. Yes he has SEN and a statement (we still have them in Ni) he has dyslexia and other "complex needs" which really means nothing as far as I can see.

He is on the waiting list for ADHD assessment.

I have no idea what to say in this school meeting!!

OP’s posts: |
giftsonthebrain Mon 12-Nov-18 13:58:25

School mustn’t be much fun for him, he probibaby realizes he’s different at this stage.
Thinking 10 years down the road what type of job/work do you think is achievable for him?

Stressedoverkids Mon 12-Nov-18 14:31:26

That's a difficult question. If he gets an ADHD diagnosis and strategies to improve his ability to learn then possibly different to what it is now.

He wants to cook pizza in Dominos and I do think possibly some kind of work like that or possibly horticulture would work for him.

He is a lovely child but has very poor impulse control.

OP’s posts: |
giftsonthebrain Mon 12-Nov-18 14:41:29

Let the school know this and see if they can use it as a spring board to motivate him.
Same at home; to cook pizza you need to know fraction and multiplication etc.


Harleyisme Mon 12-Nov-18 14:41:57

Mines now 14 hes expressed hatred of school from being 6 started trying to refuse school but did go in till this year he had missed at least 1 day a week every week since September. Hes sen has a diagnosis of autism with adhd like tendencies and anxiety. I agree it is the most stressful thing i have ever dealt with. Even the school is at a total loss of what to do. The school senco spent the last week dealing with attendance officer and LA to make sure his ehcp means they can't fine or prosecute me for this and luckily hes managed it.

Harleyisme Mon 12-Nov-18 14:43:59

Also the biggest issue we have his my ds can't see the relevance of school. He often says why do i need to learn this when i wont use it. We are trying to find somewhere with an interest of his to show him why and how school can help to help him see the end goal.

Stressedoverkids Mon 12-Nov-18 14:48:24

Harleyisme thanks

I have an older child with ASD Ds possibly has traits too.

OP’s posts: |
BubblesBuddy Mon 12-Nov-18 14:49:20

His complex needs should have been fully evaluated by those professionals contributing to the statement. If they are not evaluated then how can the statement say what his learning needs are and address them? I think I would try and unpick this.

I would also think about his secondary education. Is it reasonable that he is mainstream or would a special school or unit in a secondary school better meet his needs. It’s a bit early to think about jobs but he will need a revised statement for his secondary phase.

Changing schools with a statement is difficult and presumably this school is named on the statement. I’m not sure how a further diagnosis helps. He already has a statement and people should already have looked into his needs in great detail and arrived at teaching strategies. I assume you have spoken to the SEN coordinator at length? Getting to the bottom of the problem is important. Can he articulate this? Can you get more from the school in terms of how they can support him?

BubblesBuddy Mon 12-Nov-18 14:53:03

Sorry - I meant to add: if he is finding the work too difficult, are they differentiating enough? How are they coping with his impulsive behaviour? Is it challenging them so he feels left out and isolated?

dontknowwasmadetoknow Mon 12-Nov-18 15:15:42

My nine year dd has school anxiety
This started in year one and has never gone away.

We have tried everything we can think of over the years and she changed school in year 3 (infants to juniors).Nothing we have tried has ever made any difference.

Despite this she goes to school every day at the moment going in 15 mins early to try to calm down before school starts.

Last week we had a incident where she escaped from school which was scary but has actually made the school sit up and take notice.
I have now had two meetings with the school in the last week and she is being referred for asd assessment as they have now realised there is more going on.
They have finally started to listen to me just a shame it took such a incident for that to happen

Stressedoverkids Wed 14-Nov-18 13:58:24

The school meeting is in an hour. I feel like I am going into an exam!

OP’s posts: |
Stressedoverkids Fri 23-Nov-18 09:45:10

I haven't managed to get either Ds or Dd to go to school today.

Really worried for the future.

OP’s posts: |
GretchenWest Fri 23-Nov-18 17:46:04

How did the meeting on the 14th go?

Harleyisme Sat 24-Nov-18 11:54:39

I have only managed to get ds in once last week. Senco and attendance officer came out wednesday and because he spoke to them they thought he would go in Thursday but didn't. Our dr is trying to refer him to cahms again they have tried several times bur each times cahms won't take him.

RisingGround Sat 24-Nov-18 13:32:01

DS started to be a school refuser in yr2. It settled down in yr3 because his teacher was kind and understanding. She helped him a lot. But it all came to a head again in yr4. He refused point blank to go in.

We had talks with the school. He was diagnosed with anxiety by CAMHS. It made sense for us to take him out of the stressful situation and so we home educate now. It isn't possible for everyone to do that but it works for us flowers

4point2fleet Sat 24-Nov-18 19:25:58

Is your DS going into school and immediately doing something he likes to do?

In my class the children have the first half hour of the day to do whatever they please, including ipads/ computers etc. or play with toys from home if they so wish, to help them with the transition.

Mishappening Sat 24-Nov-18 19:30:33

School is bloody hard for some children - it annoys me that the powers that be are happy to ignore that fact. I am tired of children being identified as being the problem - sometimes it is the school that is the problem.

Stressedoverkids Sun 25-Nov-18 11:02:40

The school meeting was relatively helpful. They have agreed to increase the dyslexia strategies they use with him and to reduce the amount of verbal instructions and increase visual and written instructions.

They have also made an urgent social services referral because he has run away from home twice in recent weeks.

OP’s posts: |
Stressedoverkids Sun 25-Nov-18 11:03:33

He has also been referred to CAHMS but the waiting list is 9 weeks plus.

OP’s posts: |
Foxyloxy1plus1 Sun 25-Nov-18 17:32:47

Is it possible to do a reduced timetable, focusing initially on things he prefers and then gradually increase the time at school?

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