Teacher is so shouty

[Stephthegreat]

We are having numerous problems with ds who started school in September.Hes completely changed since starting and is not happy or confident any more.Hes become very subservient and says he’s useless.

There’s a bossy boy in his class who ds has problems with but yesterday I saw ds being grabbed by his coat and then shoved in the playground.

I spoke to his teacher after school and she calls the other boy just ‘robust’ and said that ds plays with this boy.I felt very patronised by her.Ds was in the playground at the time when I had this conversation so I didn’t say everything I wanted to.

The teacher also said she has to use short,sharp commands for ny ds (ds ran up to us at this point and teacher tailed off) which I was totally confused by.Ds has excellent behaviour and follows instructions (the HT praised my ds in front of me for this great behaviour).I don’t feel like this teacher is really listening to me or taking my concerns seriously.Im also worried about the way this teacher speaks to my ds who has been coming home distressed and angry

I asked my DS a few days ago if he had a good day at school and he sai,’yes it was a good day,no thanks to me though’ (strange phrase and not one I’ve ever used) and ds is constantly using this phrase at home ‘got it?’ to me.I know ds teacher says this a lot.

Should I speak to the head of early years about it?

[RedSkyLastNight]

I would think you would be better first organising a time to speak to the teacher where you can both say exactly what you want without DS around. The early years head will ask if you have spoken to the teacher and it sounds like you only had half a conversation. I also think you need to be clear about what the "it" is that you want to discuss - I found your post quite confusing. Fine to say you are worried about your son becoming quiet and losing confidence.

[BookMeOnTheSudExpress]

How do you know? That the teacher is shouty and that your son's friend is bossy? What was the context of you speaking to the HT about your son?

"got it?" probably means "have you understood?" The teacher has already told you your son needs to have "short sharp" instructions.

It does sound like he gets told off- so sure, go and ask the teacher why he is being told off. Maybe he's not the angel in class that you think. (and we can all remember how well-behaved we all were should the HT walk into the room! So s/he saying ds was well behaved (again, why were you talking to the head?) is a bit of a red herring.

A "good day no thanks to me" could mean anything. That he was told off, that he got something wrong.

Go and ask. Properly, not in the playground. It was very professional of the teacher not to want to discuss your son out there and in front of him. Can you imagine how a small child feels seeing his Mum talking to the teacher? If he has been told off that will make him feel worse.

[Stephthegreat]

I work nights so apologies if my post is confusing.

I can’t arrange an evening appointment with ds teacher because I start work then so after school was the only opportunity.No I don’t like having to speak to the teacher with ds there but that was my only opportunity.

Ds teacher says he is well behaved in class and has never seen him be otherwise which is why I don’t understand the need for short sharp commands.

I’ve seen these things myself so I know that ds is telling the truth.

The head was standing at the door one morning as we went in and this was something that was just said. There was no prompting from me. I thought it was very nice.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Unless the HT regularly works with Reception, I would assume they won't know as much as the actual class teacher. He may need short commands because he struggles to process longer commands or loses concentration. You won't know until you ask her properly.

If you can't go to school in the evening, how about before school?

[BookMeOnTheSudExpress]

Exactly, short sharp commands doesn't mean "shout"
It means "clear, concise" instructions so the children understand.

"Write this down" for example- far easier to process when you're little than "so, let's have a look at what I'm writing on the board, which after I'd like you all to write down in your exercise books please"

"Got it" far easier to understand than
"have you understood what I've just told you or shall I give you a concept question to make sure?"

[user789653241]

Well behaved children may need short sharp commands.
My ds is a well behaved child, not disruptive, but sometimes day dreams and away with fairies. Short sharp commands to snap him out of it works.

I wouldn't go to the head straight away, you need to speak with the teacher properly first.

[Menolly]

Some children do need short commands, not necessarily shouty but like if I was to say to some of mine 'please can you go and get your coat and bag ready for home time' they'd look at me blankly and come back with either their coat or their bag, but not both. 'coat and bag' they understand perfectly, they aren't naughty, they just don't appear to remember more than 4/5 words of an instruction long enough to carry it out.

I don't see a problem with 'got it?' I ask that a lot at the end of explaining something, said in the right tone I think it sounds friendlier than 'do you understand?' which I tend to use when I am explaining why they shouldn't have done something.

[starpatch]

I think you sound really concerned about your little boy, you feel school may be having a negative impact on him. Yes speak the headteacher and head of early years about the changes in your son. If it's a large school could he change class? Iwent through similar and I'm afraid I had to move my child to a different school.

[Stephthegreat]

thanks starpatch, my ds is in a very small class of 10 and there are 6 girls and 4 boys. 2 of the boys knew each other before school so stick together and the only other boy ds has to pair up with is very bossy.

the school are under quota for this year so this is why the small class

They are mixed with another 10 children from Year 1 for some of the time.Year 1 have already got friendships established understandably.

Ds has swimming lessons and has football club in his free time and has no trouble with instruction there.Ds does seem unhappy and angry in the evenings after school,dreading going back in.If he’s not at school the following day he will ask if he has to go the day after that,he’s not the happy chap he was before.

They’ve been practicing singing in their class and ds told me another boy sneezed and ds teacher made the boy come to the front of the room and sing to everyone on his own.Ds really worries about things like this,he worries about people laughing at him so he seems to have closed up.

A boy was hitting a girl in the class one day and she was crying so ds said he went to her to help her,I asked what the teachers were doing and he said they were busy and didn’t see it.

Probably all this sounds a bit of a jumble,I do believe ds though and I see the change in his behaviour.I can’t understand with such a high teacher to pupil ratio how behaviour is not being checked or even described as ‘robust’.It all seems strange to me and I’m seriously thinking I might have to move him.He has this same teacher and TA for the next 2 years.

[starpatch]

Sorry to hear that hope things improve .

[MiniMum97]

I disagree with most of the previous comments. There sound like a lot of things that would worry me. The most telling is your son’s behaviour after school. I agree that you need to first of all arrange a proper appointment with his teacher first. You need to be as unemotional in this appointment as possible. Think about what you want to discuss, be clear and be calmly insistent if there is anything you feel needs to happen. If you are not happy with the meeting then escalate by meeting with someone more senior. Approach it in the same way.

I have a child with special needs and learnt the hard way that getting emotional did me no favours. It took me years to learn the above and by doing that (with a bit of luck thrown in) got my son all the support he needed without a statement.

Good luck.