Confidentiality?

[sober40]

Hi there

I've posted this on the Education thread too but no responses as of yet. I have a meeting scheduled for 16:30hrs this afternoon so hoping for some feedback beforehand.

I don't want to go into too much detail but does anyone know if I disclose something to my DS's tutor at school, would she then be obliged to tell the entire staff body? Would it be discussed at staff meetings?

It's a small rural prep school. Lots of the staff have children in the school. The lines between professional and personal relationships are very often blurred. I realise technically things I disclosed at school shouldn't then reach playground but I'm certain it would. I trust his tutor but other members of staff...not so much.

DS in 10 and in Y6. The issue is related to my DH's health so not directly to do with DS, but it's affecting him hugely. If it's likely to spread like wildfire, I think me speaking to his tutor, would harm DS more than it would help him sad

Thank you.

[Seniorschoolmum]

Could you simply say that the family is having a hard time for health reasons and your ds will probably be a bit down, and leave it at that?

[sober40]

Thank you. That was my plan. But if even that much is announced to the staff room or officially put on his record, I fear it will generate unwanted interest. I'd rather keep a lid on it. For the kids' sake.

Just wondered if anyone on here knew what the official protocol was likely to be. There isn't anything on the 'our policies' section of the school website. Or if there is, I can't find it.

I'll just ask his tutor what the policy is at the beginning of our meeting and take it from there I think.

[LIZS]

I would not rely on "policies" to keep it discreet. If his behaviour is being affected chances are it would be shared among teaching staff. Does ds know about it?

[sober40]

Sadly yes, DS knows. He saw something he shouldn't have seen. Our other children don't know though and I want to keep it that way.

It's not affecting his behaviour as far as I'm aware but I know he's very worried. I just don't think he's engaging much at school. Even with sport which he loves and is good at.

I think you're right. Whatever the policy is, it's not going be bulletproof. I might scrap the meeting with his tutor and look into the school counsellor as an alternative. Presumably that must be confidential

[admission]

I think you need to understand that confidential in terms of schools will always be what needs to be kept to those that need to know as opposed to what is public knowledge.
So the class teacher will need to know as a minimum along with head teacher but being realistic it is likely to be a wider distribution than that. One would hope that issues such as you mention would be kept confidential but your post seems to suggest that you already know that the school tends to be "leaky" when it comes to confidentiality.That is wrong but of no use to you if it has already happened. I am not sure talking to the school counsellor will be any different as they will have to pass on information if it is affecting son in school.
I would suggest that you say the minimum that you can get away with saying so that the school know there is an issue at home but not give any detail. If things change in the future then maybe you will have to give more detail.

[florenceheadache]

Should you not disclose this the the head, and have them disclose as appropriate with a mention to maintain confidentiality rather than the tutor, who will tell the teacher, who will tell other teachers (pe, art, music) etc. I think you should also be straight forward and not mask the issue be it cancer or upcoming surgery. The truth is always the best way to stop the rumour mill.