I don’t know what to do

[hilbobaggins]

Hi, I’m hoping someone here can advise. I’m told my kid (DS6) is “doing fine” in his Y2 class. I don’t think he’s fine.

Every morning is hell. He puts the duvet over his head and won’t get out of bed. Then there is an hour of “don’t make me go to school mummy, I hate it, I hate
School”. Last night he said that kids were mean to him, nobody likes him, “they” are mean to him at playtime, they call him poo baby etc etc, he runs away and hides, he hopes every day that they will be kind to him but they aren’t, he tries to think of things to say back to them but he always forgets what to say. He does have a good friend with whom he has play dates but he told me that that friend makes fun of him too.

He says the lessons are hard and the day always seems so long. He’s doing fine academically apparently but to be honest that’s the least of my worries.

I said I would talk to the teacher and we would find a way of dealing with it, that we will help him sort it out. This morning he was so sad on the way to school after the usual bribing and coaxing. Mummy can you teach me at home? Can I go to a different school? Etc etc. It is breaking my heart. I’m trying to be brisk and cheerful but it feels like bollocks.

Y1 was bad but just about ok but I’m frankly finding this almost unbearable. I work part-time. I am increasingly anxious about this and finding myself becoming low at home and distracted at work.

I should add that he’s an August birthday. He is the youngest in the year.

I would just like him to be reasonably happy at school somewhere. To not hate going on. That’s it really.

I have spoken to the teacher about the morning struggle and the unhappiness and she says that he is doing ok. I’ve not mentioned what he said yesterday (so far).

I am feeling lost. Should it really be this fucking hard? What can I do?

[steppemum]

this is not OK, and school needs to support you.
Ask for a proper meeting (rather than speaking to teacher at the end of the day) go without ds.

Explain that he is really unhappy at school, list all the things in your OP. Tell her that he is school refusing every single morning.

Just because he is OK (in her eyes) once he is there, shoudl not take away from how he feels.

It seems as if one issue is friendships and playtime. Ask her to help put in place some support, maybe he can choose someone to stay in a play a game. Ask for help in teaching him strategies to learn to play. Many schools have TAs run friendship groups/support groups for kids like this, ask if anything like that is available.

If school is unsupportive, doesn't get that there is an issue or won't help, seriously think about moving him. New school, new start, be upfront and ask for help at new school with making friendships and explain how unhappy he was before.

[user789653241]

I totally agree with steppemum's advice.

[user789653241]

I am really sorry op. I truly hope it gets sorted soon. Poor ds.

[PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall]

I agree that this isn't OK. He obviously isn't "doing fine" if he's so unhappy and being teased at play time. I do think you need to arrange a formal meeting with the school and put more support in place.

[steppemum]

totally different thought. Is there an issue around transition? My daughter found it really hard to make the transition from home to school everyday. We would have melt downs over minor things eg socks. I learnt to stop and cuddle and reassure. Then I had to peel her off and hand her over.
But she was fine once she was in school. It was the transition she found hard. Always had. In pre-school she took a teddy in and we put it in her tray, then I settled her to something and left. In reception we went in and did coats and she was with a friend on the carpet and then I left (all parents did this). It was only when they had to line up outside, that she found the transition hard, all through year 1.

As I said, once she was in school she was actually fine.

[hilbobaggins]

Thank you all so much for believing me and DS and providing such supportive advice. My DH has clicked into “it’ll all be fine, don’t worry” mode and that is just not helping me.

There is definitely an issue with transition, always has been with DS, and I’ve taken this into consideration. But the unhappiness and resistance is much greater than I’ve ever seen before and something I can’t just ignore.

Thanks, I will take a deep breath, talk to the teacher, be collaborative but firm and let you all know what happens.