At a loss :(

[Eskerina]

I am at a complete loss at what to do to help my son be motivated to do work in school and at home.
This has been going on for as long as he has been in school (now yr5). We have tried everything! Positive reinforcement, no rewards till work done, removal of privileges, even sitting with him and working with him. The latter kind of works at home but it is still a struggle! He is a very bright child and he understands the consequences of not doing the work required but still can't do it. I have asked him "did you not understand the questions?", "did you need help?". He knows what he supposed to do but won't do it.
His new teacher kept him in a lunchtime today to complete the undone work and he still didn't finish it. She then shouted at him and put his name on the red spot. He was determined not to cry in school and has come home and let it all out, inconsolable crying for half an hour :(
We have been into the school on many occasions to try to find a solution but we are at a loss.
Has anyone got any advice or had a similar issue and resolved it?
Thanks in advance and for reading xx

[BubblesBuddy]

I know this sounds radical - but I’d forget the homework. Try and keep school work at school. There’s not much to be gained by homework in junior school and he might then do more at school. See if you can bargain with the school over this. Clearly punishment and bribes are not working. What can the school suggest? He’s now had a terrible introduction to Y5. You have got to try and get that to improve.

Why can’t he do the work? Has anyone investigated that? It seems so hard for him, but why?

It’s a shame he is completely unenthusiastic. Others might have better ideas as to how to rekindle his enthusiasm. However pushing even more work at him at home seems counter productive. Can you not find something else to do that is a pleasure? Find something fun! Find something educational but not school work.

[user789653241]

Why does he not want to finish/complete his task? Is it too difficult? Does he understand the work?
Can't do and won't do is two different things, but you say both.

I think teacher shouting is not on, but why couldn't he finish the work? If he was struggling, did he ask for help?

My ds was notorious slow writer and also a day dreamer. So he was kept in during break very often up to few years ago. But he learned the lesson, and we also worked on writing. Last year's teacher said she couldn't believe he was always kept in.

I think you need to find out why he resists work, and find the solution, or way to improve it.

[Spacezombies]

Would he react differently to different styles of work.

So for grammer; instead of giving him worksheets, what if you gave him a funny book he likes (captain underpants or something) and have him answer the grammar question but using the book. Like find all the adjectives, or find the subject and verb etc. Whatever area of grammar they are focussing on, do it but using something which doesn't look like a school worksheets?

[Spacezombies]

Finding alternative ways for him to complete the relevant work is only a temporary fix though. You need to find a way to understand why he is resisting the work. If it is just simple laziness, then you've just got to keep pushing and taking away things he enjoys until he gets the message.

[Singlenotsingle]

I know this sounds defeatist and probably not what you want to hear, but he won't be the only one struggling, and it's not the end of the world if he's not academic. I'm surprised at his teacher shouting at him. It's not going to help if he is made to hate school. You all need to ease off.

Is he dyslexic, maybe?

I know he's still at junior school, but not everyone can go to university. I sometimes think it's just a badge of honour for the parents, not necessarily in the child's best interest. Industry needs electricians, plumbers, bricklayers, plasterers, and they're all good well-paid jobs, nothing to be ashamed of. So give the lad a break, you said he's bright. I'm quite sorry for him tbh.

[Whydoilikebroccoli]

Crikey! Hmmm I'd see if you can observe him at school yourself. What's he like in other areas and interests e.g. sports? Does he entertain himself at home and play by himself at all? What is he actually doing when not working e.g. just staring out of the window, being disruptive?

[Maldives2006]

I’m not sure any child would prefer to get into trouble and the ops child seems appropriately upset about the situation.

Personally I think it’s time to get him assessed for any potential SEN issues affecting his working memory.

[mathanxiety]

I second the working memory comment.

Clearly there are executive functioning problems.

You need to find an educational psychologist and get an assessment done for all possible problems.

Don't wait for a referral. Go private. Time is not on your side or your DS's.

[TeenTimesTwo]

Is it all work, or is there a pattern to the kind of work he will / won't do?

DD1 never knew how to begin with any open ended tasks.
e.g 'Write about your favourite season'. No clue. Didn't know how to decide which her favourite season was. Didn't know what to write.
e.g. Make a model of a castle. No idea. Couldn't see how to think of 'essence of castle' and therefore how she could use boxes etc to make one.

DD1 turned out to have dyspraxia. Needed lots of 1-1 help. Things got easier when homework became more specific.

DD2 can be similar. Sometimes will refuse / prevaricate on homework. Almost always turns out to be because she feels totally unconfident on what she has to do, so goes into fight or flight mode. Often when teacher has asked for quality that DD2 knows she can't achieve (e.g. neat handwriting, or excellent spelling).