Did I choose the wrong school?

(13 Posts)
dolphinstar Tue 11-Sep-18 09:49:49

Ds not long turned 4 was in a Nursery with lots of friends with a school near by but the school isn't rated very well by ofsted so we put him in a school further away.
I know it's only been a week but he's not settling hasn't made friends, said it's too big, too many people and this morning he wouldn't let go was crying begging us not to leave it broke my heart. He's never been clingy, would run off into Nursery without a second glance and he did that on his first day of school too when he didn't know that it would be like this sad
His teacher is great but I feel like I've done this and I should of kept him with his friends. All I want to do is transfer him to the other school. DH said give it time. I feel like this is all my fault and I'm so upset.

OP’s posts: |
Pidlan Tue 11-Sep-18 09:54:25

It does take time. It might make things worse to take him out now. My DS cried every day until November when he started school. sad
Is it a big school? I think that can be very scary. I also looked at OFSTED when picking schools for my DC, then had to move them from a very highly rated OFSTED school to one not to well- The not so well one was so much better in every way. I don't really trust that OFSTED are the best indicators of a good school tbh, since all children are different and so much of education can't be measured in tests.
Bug hug to you though- It's bloody hard isn't it.

Namethecat Tue 11-Sep-18 09:59:04

Tbh in a month or two he will have a whole heap of new friends and would be upset if he was moved. Remember this is something that he had known is a big step into being a bit and not a toddler any more . Could you get hold of some books about starting school to share with him. I'm sure there are other children in his class who are feeling exactly the same.
I'd also add that you are perhaps struggling with your own emotions as in your own words he didn't have a problem with nursery and it's hard to see that life isn't perfect for him right now. Give it time.

DocHQ Tue 11-Sep-18 10:02:02

He's four. He would most likely have done it even if he were at a school with the friends he already knew. It will get easier, it really will.

Have you spoken to his teacher about the friends situation? My youngest has "no friends", you know, apart from that little group that is always around her... grin

Fairtatas Tue 11-Sep-18 10:06:11

I know it will horrible and you will feel guilty but on a few weeks time it will be a lot better. Starting school can he tough whatever the circumstances. Talk to teacher and TA - they are usually v good at helping those struggling with friendship. My daughter hated starting school but was fine after a little while and my son hated swapping schools but settled eventually.

dolphinstar Tue 11-Sep-18 10:17:20

I spoke to his teacher yesterday and asked if he was making friends and she said she was working on it. She's really lovely and knows what she's doing, I just hate the thought of him being alone all day with no one to play with (I'm sure this isn't the case in reality) it's just so difficult when he's so young

OP’s posts: |
5000KallaxHoles Tue 11-Sep-18 10:23:48

I did move one of mine who didn't make friends in Reception. I gave it much much longer than a couple of weeks though (we moved to start Y1) and I moved her because of a whole collection of concerns that were developing about the school and not just the friendship group thing. By the time we took the decision to move it was a whole list of things that just hadn't sat comfortably with us all year of which the friendship thing was only a tiny part - and it was definitely the right thing for us to do and DD1 has a nice little close knit group of friends now at her new school.

It's still too early would be my comment from someone who DID pick the wrong school and ended up moving them.


Thesnobbymiddleclassone Tue 11-Sep-18 11:38:01

If you have a clingy child who is one of the younger ones it'll take a lot longer for them to settle. By moving schooled the problem may be made worse.

starfish8 Tue 11-Sep-18 12:11:49

I've got a little one just started in reception, so having similar worries to him making friends at a school where he doesn't know anyone.

Personally, I would focus on getting to October half term at this stage, it's too early to move him. See where he is then, it's really most likely he'll be fully settled and have made some friends.

Keep talking to the teacher too.

Racecardriver Tue 11-Sep-18 12:14:28

Mine hasn't made friends yet either. His Xmas has fifteen children. He only knows one of their names (the only child he webt to nursery with)

Witchend Tue 11-Sep-18 14:19:13

You don't really expect them to have made friends yet.
You'll get a few of the (typically girls) who will be coming out proclaiming their new best friend. Ime that often changes per day anyway.

My experience is that they seem to start building more permanent friendships around the summer term-but even those are often fairly flexible.

dolphinstar Tue 11-Sep-18 21:56:52

Thank you everyone! He had a much better day today, his teacher said he did so well, interacting with the other children and playing together. It made me feels tonnes better, also helps to know that all the children probably feel the same and will settle soon enough

OP’s posts: |
ThreeAnkleBiters Wed 12-Sep-18 09:52:30

I think while staying with friends makes the transition easier it's definitely not a good reason to choose a school. At that age friendships change very quickly - I'm sure you made the right choice! Glad he had a better day.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in