Being positive about DC's new class

[Tinythenewt]

My DS is going into year 1 in September. He is at a two form entry school, and they have mixed up last year's classes. My DS had a great reception year. He made some lovely friends and settles well into school. I am quite worried about my Ds's new class next year. He has been split up from all of his friends, and has been placed in the same class as another child who was unkind to him at every opportunity.

The school make it very clear that they go to great lengths to put children in the right classes, and classes are not up for discussion.

I realise that my best option is to be positive and open minded about next year.

Does anyone have any experience of being concerned about this sort of thing, but it turned out that the school really did know what they were doing and it was the best thing for their child?

It is a great little school. The teachers are lovely, and so far it has been great for my children.

Thank you very much

[Littlefish]

If the teachers are lovely and so far the school has been great for your children, I think you really do just have to trust that the teachers know what they are doing.

Classes are organised using many different measures, friendships being only one of them.

If your school is anything like the school I work at, there is a maximum of about 1.5 hours of lesson time before the children all meet up again on the playground. That should ensure that your ds continues all his friendships from Reception.

Regarding your concerns about the child who has been unkind to him, I would suggest arranging to speak to the teacher in the 2nd week of term just to ensure that she is aware of last year's difficulties. You can do this by talking about the affect on your child, rather than commenting on the other child.

[ifIonlyknew]

well at the end of the day there isn't anything you can do about it in that situation so you just get on with it and say the right things to your child. I tend to think it is more important to have the right match with a teacher than the classmates myself as you can keep friendships going at playtimes and out of school and in lessons they are there to listen and learn rather than play.

Does the teacher seem a good match?

[5000KallaxHoles]

I'm not especially pleased with the classes mine have got this year and really not pleased about one teacher - but nowt I can do about it apart from keep an eye on how the situation pans out and discuss it with school if needed (that'll be three pages of "woooah you're that parent" insults now).

It'll hopefully all pan out for the best but even the staff aren't particularly happy - it all gets completely dictated by the Head in that school and there's a distinct element of "reminding you all who's in charge" that goes on with it.

It's a "grit teeth and smile cheerfully" situation though.

[ifIonlyknew]

well I have had to remind myself by looking back at my own school days that actually some years are just pretty rubbish and others are good with the odd one or two where it was really good. And I managed to do ok in the long run and on the whole enjoyed school even with terrible teachers or teachers I disliked. So if you try to look at it like that then actually it doesn't seem so bad if you have a teacher you aren't so sure about. We had one teacher a few years ago who I had never heard anything good about but she was AMAZING. both my children had her, both had fantastic years both academically and in terms of self esteem, confidence, fun etc. I can't fault the woman at all. I still hear lots saying they don't like her and I always give the other experience so perhaps this one you aren't too sure about will turn out like that. We have had other years where we have been told by others that a teacher is awful and yet our child has had a brilliant year with them. No harm in discussing concerns with school, just word it carefully, you don't want to complain about an individual person or their personality or skills you want to raise concerns about your child's progress or confidence or whatever the actual issue is. If the child just doesn't happen to like the teacher much then there isn't anything to raise, I have said to one of mine before that it is life, in the workplace we don't choose our colleagues or managers and we may or may not like them but we have to learn the skills to deal with them and carry on and do what we need to do regardless.

[user1483972886]

I am anxious about DS2's class this year. The school has shrunk and so there will now be 3 rather than 2 years in 1 class (R, 1 and 2). He will be year 1. There hasn't been any information home about how this will be managed (it's the first time). He is quiet and we'll behaved. There are some more confident children in his class and I am concerned he will be overlooked. At the end of last year the head teacher told me he had finally engaged with school.. this was the first time this had been mentioned all year! To cap it all our first child already had the teacher he will have this year and we didn't like her and ended up moving DS1 to another school do all in all am dreading it!

[Tinythenewt]

Thank you very much for all of your replies.

IfIonlyknew, you are absolutely right. I know that I just have to be positive. I will take a leaf out of Kallax's book as I do not want to make DS feel anymore anxious about the situation than he already is.

There does not seem to be much mixing between the classes. DS did not really continue the friendships he made in nursery with the children who were put in the other class. I would ask if he had played with X who he had been great friends with and he would look at me like I was being totally unreasonable and say "of course not, he's in A class, and I'm in B class".

It is helpful to know that I am not the only parent to feel this way. I will try to take your advice, put a smile on my face and trust the school.

Thank you

[ifIonlyknew]

it is hard - however much we try to distance ourselves and allow life to just unfold we inevitably want the absolute best for our children, with a nice group of friends, a well behaved and balanced class, a kind teacher who can stretch all the children academically and get the best out of them etc. Unfortunately we do have to try and remember that it is one year out of a LOT of years in education and that any difficult times at school, assuming they aren't dangerous in any way, actually help make them well rounded individuals able to cope with what their future lives will throw at them.

[Roseandvioletcreams]

Yes I have experience of this and the school totally ruined my dd young years at school.
I had to step in after 3 consistent years of splitting her from friends.
She was good girl who got on, top sets. It was was re arranging the dc who caused trouble, that was their priority.
They can't think about every single child.

Without a doubt talk to the teacher, flag up what's happened.

Separated from all friends and put with boy didn't get on with. Press your concern. Ask her if it was deliberate. Ie maybe they all caused too much trouble together. Ask her to keep eye on it.

Dc do actually need to be with their friends in class. Sometimes meeting in play ground at 5,6 doesn't cut it and they can easily be excluded from friendships.

The only person who cares the most about your son is you. Schools have 100 other things to worry about. Don't be afraid to stand up for him.

[Roseandvioletcreams]

I also strongly disagree that forcing young dc away from friends (without good reason)

[Michaelahpurple]

I really don't think they have very profound friendships at that age.

[BubblesBuddy]

Your DS will make new friends in his new class when he works and plays with different children. It’s an opportunity. They don’t really make life long friends at 5. Plenty of time for that. I would assume the school has changed the children around due to needing a variety of children in each class based on attainment assessment, personalities and possible teaching groups.

You can invite the other children to tea to keep up friendships. Also, try and get DS to be positive about getting to know new children. The child who isn’t pleasant is in a tiny minority. Hopefully the other children are all pleasant and he will gel with them. Try and encourage DS to find new friends and avoid the child he doesn’t like. This child might have improved of course. Be proactive about playing with new friends. It won’t be long before sports clubs and after school activities are undertaken with friends.

Lots of schools move children around and I might find out how often they do it. Every year or not again until Y3 for example. Just to prepare!