Am I over reacting?

(17 Posts)
emski1972 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:57:29

My son is in year 1. He is a happy confident kid but something isn’t right at school. Every morning he resists getting ready and asks if it’s a day off. He started the school year with a group of friends who seem to have turned against him.
So far he has had a black eye and a variety of injuries including being thrown on the floor. Sounds like they were swinging him and threw him on the ground. God this sounds worse now I’m writing it down.
So yesterday I went on a school trip and saw him being excluded by these three children. My gut tells me this is all wrong... but am I possibly over reacting? Until yesterday I thought it was just boys but it’s two boys and one girl.
I feel this needs nipping in the bud and seems to have started in January when he was using some pretty unpleasant language which I spoke to the teacher about. It seems she moved my son and the other child around and the bad language stopped but the physical stuff started.
Any thoughts?

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C2205 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:03:37

Absolutely 100% you need to nip this in the bud and speak to his teacher/principle etc. A black eye? Variety of injuries? It needs sorting immediately - you do not send your child to school to be treated like that and of the segregation of him by these kids continues it's going to harmful to him and his self confidence and harmful to the kids responsible because they're getting away with it and not learning that it's innapropriate/bullying!
Now is the time to step in and be strong. And yes, explain what you witnessed on the school trip too

emski1972 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:08:03

Thanks I’m sitting in a work conference and I can’t stop thinking about what I witnessed yesterday. It was whispering “when he gets on the tyre don’t high 5 him” he didn’t hear but I did and was quite shocked. They pushed him out of the line and he was crushed...luckily I was there and changed the dynamic but changing tactics but a teacher is never going to see that...

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Ohyesiam Wed 20-Jun-18 17:08:36

Exclusion is a form of bullying, and the teacher should be straight onto it with consequences for the children involved.

Nogodsnomasters Wed 20-Jun-18 17:12:11

I would be absolutely furious if my child came home with a black eye from school, especially year 1 as they are so young. You need to schedule a meeting with his teacher and if she has nothing helpful to suggest then straight on to the principle after that.

BubblesBuddy Wed 20-Jun-18 17:13:26

You must go and see the teacher because if they are not picking up physical injuries, or preventing them, the school is not keeping children safe. It has a duty to do this. Any injuries to children must be logged and these should have been reported to you.

The school must ensure there is much better playground supervision and you need to make it clear that this behaviour towards your DS must stop. You cannot ask what punishment was given to the other child and what they are doing about his needs, but you can ensure they are aware of what is happening to your DS and that it must be stopped. It’s not easy but I do agree it needs nipping in the bud. It should have been stopped sooner in my view. Follow up with an appointment to see the Head if the teacher doesn’t give robust answers to your questions.

emski1972 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:13:38

I’m meeting the Head on Monday Morning and have asked for the safe guarding and anti bullying policy. Got to trust your gut right?

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BubblesBuddy Wed 20-Jun-18 17:16:26

Exclusion from friendship groups is very problematic at this age. Maybe he hasn’t gelled with a group yet? I think teachers should sort out groups on school trips and ensure the children work effectively together. It can take a while for friendships to form and you could be proactive in inviting suitable friends round to tea.

emski1972 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:19:36

I work full time and unfortunately don’t have the luxury of being able to invite children round for tea on a regular basis. Saying that I took care of 3 if the boys yesterday who were super nice kids. Today I contacted one of the mums to invite one of them round as I haven’t had time for much social engineering

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LML83 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:20:50

my dd had a much smaller issue than yours in p2 (same as y1 I think) I spoke to the princpal teacher of the infant department, she was lovely. I was worried this was going over class teachers head but no opportunity to speak to class teacher without dd.
I explained it wasn't anything big but the frequency of it (no violence).
They were so helpful. took it seriously and sorted it that day. Kids didn't know I spoke to anyone. And a chat and being aware it was noticed was enough to change it. My teacher friend says at that age they are usually keen to impress teacher and it is easy to manage.

Good luck Op.

emski1972 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:21:23

So to add I think that’s what the teacher has tried to do. It’s not working. I suspect my son is naturally drawn to the “livelier” boys

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BubblesBuddy Wed 20-Jun-18 17:22:58

This isn’t Safeguarding. Safeguarding is the very detailed procedure to cover child grooming by adults and improper behaviour by adults towards children so don’t go down that line. There will not be anything in the policy to cover this behaviour by other children.

Bullying is what it is and you need to look at the Anti Bullying Policy, the Behaviour Policy including the Rewards and Sanctions Policy. They should be on line. This tells you about what the school expects, what they do to promote good behaviour and what happens if behaviour is unacceptable.

If you go down the lines I suggested above, you have the start of a reasonable dialogue to get it sorted out.

C2205 Wed 20-Jun-18 17:25:14

It was whispering “when he gets on the tyre don’t high 5 him” he didn’t hear but I did and was quite shocked. They pushed him out of the line and he was crushed...luckily I was there and changed the dynamic but changing tactics but a teacher is never going to see that...

Kids can be so hurtful but usually "you'd hope" being hurtful and may they get pulled up on it and learn it's not the way to behave.
Teachers do the best they can but as you say they can't see everything so you're definitely doing the right thing in getting this sorted. It's not easy as a mum working full time either but I do hope the meeting Monday goes well and this gets resolved.
Good luck and let us know how you get on x

BubblesBuddy Wed 20-Jun-18 17:25:53

It isn’t social engineering! It’s making sure your child has nice friends! It is important if you want him to get away from the unsuitable child and have friends. Most children won’t attack a child with lots of friends. They pick on the “different” ones. Lots of people work. You have Sat and Sun I assume. Or other days.

emski1972 Wed 20-Jun-18 20:51:38

Thanks all I will let you know how I get on.
@ Bubbles weekends? I hold down a senior position travel mid week and am a single parent. Weekends are for my kids and not for entertaining other peoples. But thanks for the advice.

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user789653241 Thu 21-Jun-18 07:45:53

You say weekends are for your kids, but inviting your ds's friends is for his sake. It's not really entertaining other people.

LML83 Thu 21-Jun-18 08:12:57

@Irvine if the OP has decided she doesn't want to have playdates at the weekend it's her call.

It takes a bit of time to organise too, suss out who the parents are, get the phone numbers. I wouldn't expect a parent to be open to a playdate if they hadn't met me often and if the OP is working full time that is a possibility.

OP playdates are not essential, I am sure you do plenty with/for your child at the weekend. Plus all the other bits that need done to be organised for the week ahead.

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