Deputy head poked my DD in her back!

[Yogeybear89]

Hi everyone I’m new to this site, But could do with some advice please;
So my DD pulled another child’s hair in the play ground at lunch today.
Which I do not condone in the slightest, cut a long story short.
When she went back to class, she was told to go to reception class ( DD in year 3) for isolation.
As it happened at lunchtime she should of been giving a blue slip and tomorrow she stays in at lunchtime with head teacher and write our golden rules.
So the deputy head went to get DD from the reception class to take her back to her class, my DD was facing the wall reading her book when deputy head came in, My DD told me that the deputy head came up behind her poked her in the shoulder and said “come with me”.
I asked DD to show me exactly what deputy did and it wasn’t pleasant!
So went in to school and confronted deputy head in front of head teacher.
Of course she denied it and played it down, so I asked my DD is that how deputy head did it?
As she had both of them staring at her as well as me she just put her head down. I apologised to the deputy if she had not done what DD claim, she accepted and that was that.
Walking literally out of the school doors my DD started to cry and said to me “mummy she did do it the way I showed you I’m not lying I promise”,I said to her so why did you just put your head down when I asked in front of them? DD “cause they where staring at me and felt scared”, I reassured DD nothing to be scared of and when she did it why did she not say “ don’t do that! That hurt me” DD said “ cause you are not allowed to answer adults back”, I told her you say that to anyone if they hurt you teacher, adult, kids whoever!
I’ve had running’s with deputy in past and caught her bare face lying to me, which I confronted her about and she and I have never spoken until today.
DD ain’t no angel obviously by pulling another child’s hair!...But I know she is telling the truth and do not believe the deputy in the slightest, now people may think well I have had runnings with deputy before so I may have it in for her? No I don’t I have much better things to think about than her!
So head believes deputy as DD bowed her head.
What should I do cause I know a million percent she is telling the truth and it is killing me inside that deputy has got away with it and I seriously feel I have let my DD down?!
Please help?!

[Bravouniformmike]

She poked her? On the back.. or shoulder. Violently?

[Nicknacky]

Goodness me, I can’t believe you went into the school and acted like that in front of your child just because a teacher touched your little darling.

And to put your daughter in that position.....

You clearly have issues with the teacher which has majorly coloured your view.

[GoodAfternoonSeattle]

Oh please. You sound like one of those parents who’s child can do no wrong, school always at fault for something.

Tell us more about your previous run ins.

[duchessofsussex]

If she was poked hard she would have a bruise. If she isn't marked then i suspect the DHT only touched her on the shoulder to get her attention. Just let it go.

[BringOnTheScience]

When I was teaching a child made a false accusation against me. Mum came in all guns blazing.

It was very promptly resolved by the Head simply asking the other pupils who'd been there at the time that it was supposed to have occurred.
Pupil & parent never did apologise.

So, OP... any witnesses?

[Anasnake]

You sound like a loon

[MarthaArthur]

aye

[missyB1]

This is either total BS or you are one of those awful parents.

[PrimalLass]

Oh get a grip.

[FlibbertyGiblets]

Do you believe the trope that no teacher can touch your child? Because it isn't true.

[Yogeybear89]

Running I had with deputy was about other daughter who had been bullied and was showing signs of it happening again, not eating, not sleeping etc...So went to school asked if could speak to member of staff about my concerns as her teacher was out, receptionist said head, deputy and assistant head where all in a staff meeting, I said I will wait for it to end as was worried about my daughter.
Receptionist asked me what it was I wanted to talk to them about so told her, to which she said she will interrupt meeting and get some one which I was very grateful.
Receptionist comes back tells me she had explained why I really needed to speak someone with refused to my daughter
Deputy came out with another member of staff to which we go into a side room, deputy says to me “ 2 things before we start this meeting” to which I said “ok”, deputy “Number one we where in a staff meeting, A meeting improving this this school for your children”...At this point I was speechless and taking back, then I said to her “do you know why I’m here”, to which she replied “yes receptionist explained concerns about daughter”, to then the deputy to state “ number 2 you have upset a member of staff”, which I replied “ eh? Who?” Which she stated the young receptionist who works there, who is the most sweetest, loveliest person ever, if fact all the reception staff are lovely, when I first went in it was the young one I had asked to get a member of staff as daughters teacher was out, she said they in staff meeting to which I said I will wait, then the other receptionist ask what is was I wanting to speak to them about and then she said I will go get someone.
So explained my concerns and left the room feeling better but confused as I was not abrupted to anyone and felt pretty shit I had upset her, so I apologised to young one for upsetting her as never intended to upset anyone, she looked confused and said I had not, to which I told her the deputy had told me in the meeting I had with her, to which young one said she had actually not even spoken to deputy head at all that morning!
So deputy was walking by and I said to her “ you have just made me feel like awful for having to interrupt your meeting over concerns of my daughters health then to top it off you lied and young one as she has not even spoken to you as I’ve just apologised for making her feel upset with no intentions too” to which I got a “oh I have not got time for this I have a school to run!”
So now you going to be so judge mental? Or did she have right to say those things to me bearing in mind she was the one trying to solve the bullies last time with my daughter?!
And I hope one of your children come home and says a teacher poked them in their shoulder to a point of it been uncomfortable just like my DD !
Why poke her?
Deputy has a voice to get someone’s attention!
My DD was reading so why do some of you feel that it is ok to poke a child for them to give you their attention?
I have issues?....

[Nicknacky]

If my child came home and said a teacher poked her to get her attention then my child will be told to suck it up.

You do have issues.

[WelcomeToGilead]

Op I totally think you should go to the papees with this!

[Yogeybear89]

Not total BS!
Not a awful parent either!
Concerned parent yes!

[Anasnake]

Daily Mail sad face

[BeesAndMist]

If my dc told me a teacher had poked them on the shoulder I’d assume they had used the wrong word and meant ‘tapped’ or ‘patted’.

[Yogeybear89]

Please explain why the deputy has the right to poke my DD?

[cansu]

OP you sound utterly bonkers. The whole saga of you turning up and demanding to speak to someone without an appointment speaks volumes. If you are concerned about your child, you telephone and make an appointment. A poke in the shoulder could also be a tap or a touch on the shoulder. You are being very over dramatic.

[Nicknacky]

Let it go......

You are making a far bigger issue about this than needs be.

[Jesuisleloup]

Move schools ? Home school ? Get over it ?

[RainAndRoses]

Hi Yogey.. from my interpretation this is what happened:

Your daughter did something she knew she wasn't supposed to (not major but a bit naughty). The deputy may have touched her but not in an abusive way, still possibly a shock to her.

When your daughter had to let you know about her behaviour she was perhaps a little ashamed, and a way to deflect attention was to mention this 'incident' which she knew might provoke a reaction in you. However she knows it isn't as bad as she's making out so when confronted she backs down. However when you leave she's again afraid you are going to be cross with her, so again reverts to the 'white lie' that what the deputy head did was unreasonable.

I would suggest asking about why she pulled the girl's hair and sympathetically saying that it sounded like when the deputy head touched her it was a bit of a shock, and when she pulled the girl's hair it was a bit of a shock, and shocks are not very nice. Probably a bit of a cuddle and reading a story or watching something nice together will sort it out.

Others are expressing frustration as it doesn't sound like the teacher was unreasonable and they have to put up with a lot...

Take care.

[Anasnake]

How many times have you gone stomping into school ?

[Nicknacky]

I think rain has it sussed.

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

Your daughter is going to be a nightmare when she's older if you don't change your parenting. HTH

[Pengggwn]

I don't know about the receptionist, but you were in the wrong entirely insisting on waiting until the end of the meeting. The member of staff was unavailable. You should have asked someone to call you at their earliest convenience, not staged a sit in. She was right to call you out on that.