Birthday party etiquette

[toomuchofthegood]

What's the best approach if your DC is adamant they've been invited to a party and need to buy a present but there's been no invitation?

Don't really want to ask the other mum and make her feel awkward. But what if an invite got lost?

[MrsSnootyPants2018]

Nothing.

[toomuchofthegood]

You mean just do nothing?

I'm not fussed about DC not being invited, just don't want to appear rude in case they have.

But probably nothing I can do..

[MrsSnootyPants2018]

Double check school bag and maybe ask the teacher to check your child's desk tray. Other than that, there isn't much you can do.

[fullponty]

Nothing. The amount of times kids talk in school about upcoming parties and who they're going to invite and then nothing materialises. A lot of time there probably isn't even a party.

[toomuchofthegood]

Ok nothing sounds like the best strategy.. I'm not usually at the school gate so was a little unsure.

[RedSkyAtNight]

How old are the DC? If over about 8, I'd get the DC to check with their friends and get their parents to get in touch with you and/or provide another invite.

[SadieHH]

Learn from me. I was asked about a dozen times by other parents why dd1 hadn't been at Humphrey's party when their kids were adamant she'd been invited. Fearing I'd been really rude and ignored an invitation (that I'd never seen) I asked Humphrey's mum, a lovely lady who clearly was a bit that I asked even though I explained why. That was in reception and now in Yr5 I cringe when I think of that!

[toomuchofthegood]

Thanks Sadie I will certainly not ask!

The DC are in reception so probably telling each other all sorts of stories.

[BaconCrispsGone]

I'd ask one of the other mums or a teacher if 'Alfie' is having a whole class party.

[BubblesBuddy]

In YR I would just leave it. In fact I would always leave it.

I phoned up when DD was in Y5 as all her “friends” were going to a party and she didn’t appear to have a written invitation, but DD insisted she was invited. She wasn’t. I heard the Mum berate her DD whilst I was hanging on the phone for her stupidity in saying my DD could come. At least I knew DD hadn’t made it up. I put the phone down. There were not enough party bags for another child apparently.

It started the ball rolling for us to look at boarding schools. When they are older they do notice that they are left out. It also feels horrible when all your friends are invited but not you. Interestingly she was invited to loads of parties in Y6. Probably to quiz her about boarding in Y7. She became a novelty.

[toomuchofthegood]

I shall most definitely leave it.

Who knew being 5 was such a social minefield!

[hhks]

I think it is really akward to only invite some from the same class. I don't understand those parents....

[rainingcatsanddog]

Lots of reasons for that
-cost
-lack of space at home

• lack of adult that you can ask to help supervise
• child preferring a smaller gathering
• the party being too big if school friends and out of school friends/family invited

Personally I think it's more odd to invite 30 when your child probably only plays with less than 10 kids at school.

[fullponty]

I think it is really akward to only invite some from the same class. I don't understand those parents....

Really? You can't understand why people have smaller parties? Like cost for example?

DD's parties in reception and yr1 were at home with just her 4 best friends. Now hopefully she didn't tell anybody else they were invited but I know it happens with children that little. Quite a few times DD has said that so and so said they could come to their party and an invite never materialised. Often it's the parents driving the invite list when they're so young and other kids they play with get missed off.

[user789653241]

I think agree with nothing. And ask the teacher/ta for possibility of lost invite if your dc insist on being invited. Normally they are the ones put invites in their school bags.

[hhks]

ponty, maybe I need to put it clear, i find it's akward to invite a considerable part of the class, but leave some odd ones out. if you are only inviting 4 out of 30, it's probably fine, but parents should communicate the invitations directly rather than taking the invitation cards to class and make it so "public" that every kid see it's coming. they need to be a bit more sensible because even 5 yos still have exceptations. Friend's dd is in a girls' school, and they do have this small group thing going around. the parents will send invitations by email or whatsapp, and tell them to keep quiet in class.

[fullponty]

if you are only inviting 4 out of 30, it's probably fine

Oh good, I'm glad you think it's probably fine

[hhks]

Oh, I'm glad that you are glad