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Ideas for strategies to support ds in school?

(13 Posts)
justwishiwasnormal Thu 26-Apr-18 22:01:27

So I have an August born y2 boy. He is struggling massively in school and school don't seem to know what to do. The issue is his concentration and not wanting to sit down and do work which results in him being disruptive and getting into trouble. School constantly give consequences but I think my son is so used to this happening every day that it's a normal part of school and he doesn't care. School don't seem to know what to do. They don't see anything underlying and still think it's immaturity. They have already had the senco involved who doesn't seem to have any suggestions? Does anyone have any ideas? This is really starting to worry me 😞

underneaththeash Thu 26-Apr-18 22:14:37

I think we start children at school far too young (I have three summer borns).
Is he getting anything positive out of school? If not, is taking him out and starting again in reception next year an option? Little children forget very quickly and even just telling him that he was too little last time, but now he's bigger and more able to listen and he'll be able to listen to the teacher and sit still.

I'm assuming you've tried the usual sticker charts at school/home.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Thu 26-Apr-18 22:17:58

Your DS could be my DS2. He's settling down now in yr2, maybe your DS will settle down in time? Having an understanding teacher is also vital.

justwishiwasnormal Thu 26-Apr-18 22:29:11

Thanks underneath the ash but he's in year 2 so too late to take out and put into reception in September as he will be starting year 3!! I'd love for him to go into the year below but there's no way his school would agree although his teacher has said that being in the year below would have a massive difference on him. He's incredibly sociable and makes friends easily. I don't think he'd make too much out of going back a year as long as he has friends in that year which he does.

justwishiwasnormal Thu 26-Apr-18 22:34:16

Thanks perfectly symmetricalbuttocks. It's actually getting worse as he is getting further down the school. I think it's always been an issue but it's now more noticible as he can't comply with the expectations of year 2 pupils at all so is constantly being told off.
Consequences/ rewards at home for what happens in school just don't work as Home time is so far away when the behaviour is happening and obviously he's not getting the warnings from the teachers about what happens at home. Also when things do calm down I don't receive any communication from school so it makes it difficult to know what's going on and keep it going consistently.

Vangoghsear Thu 26-Apr-18 22:40:02

What is school doing to reward the times when he does behave as expected? Boys not concentrating is not that unusual and school should be able to deal with DS being youngest in year group. Ask the school how they are ensuring work is age appropriate (age as in years and months not school year). At home I would suggest focusing on things he enjoys, especially if they involve concentration, with lots of adult attention and rewards for doing as asked. If he struggles with writing do things at home that help with manual dexterity, maybe encourage drawing if he enjoys it etc.

justwishiwasnormal Thu 26-Apr-18 22:50:11

Vangoghsear. They use the dojo system but not consistently. Just checked and in the last week he's only had 3 dojos in total. They have him some sweets today as he had a good morning but this is reactive to how bad he has been this week so isn't a consistent strategy. I dont actually know what else. I'll ask that next time I speak to them.
My suspicion is that this behaviour is because the work is too hard and he knows he can't do r so doesn't want to try because then he feels rubbish that he can't do it.
This is probably wrong but because of how much of a hard time he's having at school we don't du much academic work at home and don't always do homework but 9/10 times it's too hard for him anyway. When he does get homework he can do he enjoys doing it as he feels pleased with himself that he's done it.

SunsetOverEasterIsland Thu 26-Apr-18 22:53:43

Also when things do calm down I don't receive any communication from school so it makes it difficult to know what's going on and keep it going consistently.

Could you ask School about a Home - School Diary as a means of communication if you haven't already done so? School could let you know about good/bad behaviour, rewards or how matters were dealt with, triggers etc and you could do the same back to school with any changes at home, any issues with behaviour etc. This could go back and forth each day in his book bag if he has one, may only be needed for a short while as patterns or triggers might become apparent

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Fri 27-Apr-18 06:30:07

It may also be poor impulse control, something that improves as a child matures. DS2's impulse control's improving slowly. My biggest problem is that if they get 3 lunchtime detentions, they miss out on Golden Day. He's missed out on most Golden Days. The result of that is that he stops trying.

ShawshanksRedemption Sat 28-Apr-18 18:43:06

My suspicion is that this behaviour is because the work is too hard and he knows he can't do r so doesn't want to try because then he feels rubbish that he can't do it.

This sounds like a self-esteem thing, and he needs building up that having a go gets him an immediate positive reward. You could try this with him at home - get an egg timer, do 5mins work and then he can have his reward - something special he only gets to do if he tries the work. You would need to sit with him and support him, lots of encouragement and praise for trying. Statements like "Let's see if we can try this together" and "Can you help me try this calculation/number-bond/sentence?".

MacaroniPenguin Sun 29-Apr-18 00:09:17

Might be worth reading The Explosive Child. It starts from a "what if" position - what if we assume children want to do well and when they don't, it's because of lagging skill in a particular area. How can we identify those lagging skills and help them?

It is slow reading and doesn't give you all the answers in a checklist, but worth a bash if you're looking for a new angle.

It is not only about children who "explode", it's anyone who is perhaps not able to meet the demands put on them, however that expresses itself whether anxiety, meltdowns, misbehaviour, freezing up.

MacaroniPenguin Sun 29-Apr-18 00:22:03

We were quite "low demand" on our son at this age, eg if he didn't want to read, I'd read and just ask him to point to the words. In doing that he had to follow what I was saying and tie up the words to the letters. It turned out much later that he has autism, so school was enough on his plate really.

Bit random, but have you had his eyes and hearing checked? They'll probably be fine but worth ruling out if you haven't.

Vangoghsear Sun 29-Apr-18 09:49:51

You may well be right about work being too hard. I think the best thing as a parent is to promote self confidence and self esteem by encouraging and praising everything DC does well and try to build resilience and perseverance that way. But the fact remains that some children are very easily demotivated if they find something difficult and give up easily. Personally I wouldn't focus on academic work at all at home (except maybe books and reading) but help DC learn and concentrate doing things he likes especially with you (practical activities not screen time!), playing football, walk in park, bike ride, cooking.
IME schools often have difficulty being consistent with reward point systems for the simple reason that teachers are very busy and cannot realistically keep track of what 30 children are doing all the time, or the good, able, quiet children get lots of points - or get overlooked because they're quiet, or points are given verbally but not recorded......and so on.

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