DS teacher just doesnt like him very much

(18 Posts)
upsideup Mon 19-Mar-18 21:15:20

Hes 8 and in year 4, DH always says hes a marmite character in that people always either love or hate him, hes very loud and loves being the centre of attention, hes kind and helpful though often can be a bit inconsiderate. He has always struggled accedemically throughout primary school and we had just began to accept that academic subjects are not his thing and he was probably never going to properly catch up, hes does so loads of extracirculiar activities and has always just taken to and excelled at any sports, acting, dance etc.
Last year however he had an amazing teacher who just seemed to really understand (and like) him who managed to engage him in the classroom, he progressed so much more than he had done throughout the whole of primary school and we realised that its only him not being interested before that was holding him back and that he has potential to be good.
Unfortunately this year no progress has been made at all and looking at his recent test scores he has actually got a lot worse in maths and english than he was in september, his behaviour and enjoyment of school school has also masively decresed.
The only thing that has changed is the teacher, shes not nasty to him but its just obvious she doesnt seem to like him that much which in itself is fine, we know and have told DS that thats just how it is in life and Im sure she is an amazing teacher for other children and maybe last years teacher wouldnt of been as good for others, Its just horrible seeing his him going backwards on all the progress he made.
Parents evening she seemed to only have bad things to say about him, none of it was untrue but she just seemed to veiw him very negatively, she didnt think he would improve and there was no solutions offered to how we can help him, she didnt seem at all concerned that his progress was going backwards and just put it all down to his behaviour.

Is it worth trying to have another chat with the teacher? What would you say/suggest?
Or is there anything we can be doing from home to help him get on better with the teacher and in the classroom?

OP’s posts: |
Thistlebelle Mon 19-Mar-18 21:17:18

I think you should talk to your son about his classroom behaviour.

Improvements there should lead to academic improvements.

user789653241 Mon 19-Mar-18 21:26:06

I think every children have teachers they get on and not get on so well.
If you think everything the teacher said about his behaviour is true, then I would focus on improving that aspect, than trying to change teacher's view.

upsideup Mon 19-Mar-18 21:32:06

His behaviour at the end of last year and beginning of this year was excellent the best its ever been because he was engaged and intrested in learning, along with his academic progress it has slowly been getting worse. Hes not paticularly naughty, he is sometimes loud and will chat but its mainly just because he is bored and gets distracted easily. We have spoke to him about his behaviour and he has really been trying to improve but its seems he has already been written off. Hes completely demotivated in trying to learn now.

OP’s posts: |
helpmum2003 Mon 19-Mar-18 21:32:53

I think as kids get older teachers are less tolerant of disruptive behaviour however lovely the child is.

I also think this age is difficult as the system is much more suited to girls - boys are still pretty physical at this age but the National Curriculum demands sitting down and working.

Personally I would speak to the Head. If your ds is really going backwards then this is a major problem and school need to attend to it.

Does your son obey rules at home? You will need to work with school to resolve this.

helpmum2003 Mon 19-Mar-18 21:33:46

What is the teacher in Y5 like?

GreenTulips Mon 19-Mar-18 21:35:50

Those traits are for Dyslexia - look up 37 signs of dyslexia


MaisyPops Mon 19-Mar-18 21:36:13

I'm with thistle. Focus your efforts and attention on promoting better learning behaviour from DC. That will enable him to get praise in school for meeting expectations.

The only reason I would think you'd need to contact school is if you're after a consistent approach with school (e.g. sometimes I agree to ring home once a fortnight and the child knows that whether it's a good/bad phonecall depends om them ajd then home reward/sanction).

You sounds very reasonable OP.

2cats2many Mon 19-Mar-18 21:36:50

it's normal to have teachers that they click with and those they don't.

You aren't in the classroom so you don't really know what his behaviour is like nor it's impact. I'm sure that most of us would be surprised if we watched a fly on the wall video of our children at school.

upsideup Mon 19-Mar-18 21:45:30

His behaviour at home is excellent, I dont remember the last time we had to so much as correct him let alone punish him, also we have never had a bad word aid about him at any of his extracuricular activities, hes is always praised for working hard and being kind and helping out the other children and coaches
He is still always really loud and chatty at home and at clubs but thats not really a problem that he needs to punish him for, it just becomes a problem at school when he needs to sit still and be quiet for hours.


OP’s posts: |
paranoidpammywhammy2 Mon 19-Mar-18 22:56:17

I can see how being loud, chatty and attention seeking in a class is likely to be disruptive.

We had different issues with our daughter. Most of the advice came from occupation therapy, physiotherapy, the paediatrician and other health care professionals. We approached the school with their suggestions and tried to work together to sort it out.

Kokeshi123 Mon 19-Mar-18 23:03:44


What stands out for me is that: a) he apparently behaves well at home and for his clubs and extracurriculars but is messing about at school, and b) he has always struggled with academics. I'm quite struck by the fact that you are saying things like "we had just began to accept that...he was probably never going to properly catch up"---that to me suggests that he was significantly behind in the first few years of school.

I think it's very likely that he is fundamentally struggling with some academic basics (literacy and basic maths) and this is affecting his ability to do his work and take an interest in it. So he is responding by messing about, as a way of having something to do and also to get attention from the class to feel better about himself, because it is pretty soul-crushing when you have to spend hour after hour struggling with work and feeling stupid as a result.

The fact that "well, he made so much progress last year with the other teacher" is neither here nor there. As kids move up the curriculum, lessons get more serious and there is less time for whizzy fun lessons where everything is all-singing and all-dancing. What's more, if kids have not got the fundamentals cracked in terms of phonics, number bond fluency and so on, often they will seem to be OK for a while, and then a bit later, when the curriculum moves up a notch and everything becomes more difficult, it all starts collapsing because suddenly they can't cope any more.

This issue is not going to go away and will only get worse as the work gets harder and as lesson styles get more serious.

I think first and foremost you need to go into school and have a serious talk with the teacher about your son's work and academic level, in very specific terms. Is he a free reader? Is he reading properly, or guessing at/slurring over tricky words? Is his handwriting legible? Is he able to have a stab at spelling unknown words with plausible spellings? Are his number bonds fluent and quick? Is he making progress with his tables and is he able to answer questions quickly on the ones he knows? Does he read comprehension-style questions carefully and does he seem to understand what he is reading?

If he has got weak areas, then you need to get cracking on getting these sorted out now, before he gets older and it actually does become impossible to catch up.

I think it's fine to accept that some kids are less academic than others---any parent with more than one kid knows that kids are not blank slates and that raw talent does count for something. But even kids who are just kinda average in their latent abilities are absolutely capable of improving loads if they put in the hard work at home--certainly, if there is no actual SEN, I don't think that a child being significantly behind their expected year level is something that should just be accepted.

Looking at the timeline of your remarks, it sounds like you make the decision that "we had just began to accept that academic subjects are not his thing and he was probably never going to properly catch up" when he was, what? Six, seven? That's very early to start writing a child off and saying, okay, this kid it's academic so let's ignore the holes in the school work and just put him into loads of sport and drama classes instead.

I think extracurriculars are lovely for confidence-building, but I wonder if you have gone a bit too far with this and missed opportunities for helping your son crack some of his school basics. When ECs take over a child's free time, it can really eat into the time spent on things like reading and being read to, making sure sufficient time and care is put into homework tasks, and doing practice tasks with parents like tables, maths practice, workbook or whatever. If your son is struggling, he may well need extra practice at home. Your son does not have to go to Oxbridge or med school, but regardless of what he does in life he does need to have decent basic skills.

Wolfiefan Mon 19-Mar-18 23:07:32

Maybe it's not your child that the teacher dislikes. Maybe it is his behaviour.
You say yourself that the report from the teacher wasn't untrue. So maybe focus on how your child should be behaving at school.

Thistlebelle Mon 19-Mar-18 23:42:42

He is still always really loud and chatty at home and at clubs but thats not really a problem that he needs to punish him for, it just becomes a problem at school when he needs to sit still and be quiet for hours.

I would suspect that it probably is a problem at extracurricular activities but that coaches, leaders and volunteers don’t generally give that kind of feedback, even if you ask.

No one is suggesting that you punish him, but rather that you recognise that this is a serious problem that needs addressed and work with the school to ameliorate.

he’s really been trying to improve but it seems like he’s been written off. He’s completely demotived in trying to learn now

I’m afraid I see this as a bit of a cop out. His good behaviour shouldn’t be dependent on how interesting he finds the lesson or how well he gets on with the teacher.

Good behaviour should be his default. His behaviour impacts all the other children in the class.

I’m not quite sure why if he’s struggling academically you aren’t doing something more about that?

tigerbasil Mon 19-Mar-18 23:44:29

What thistle said

MiaowTheCat Tue 20-Mar-18 07:59:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RavenWings Tue 20-Mar-18 23:02:42

So he's disruptive. You need to sort that, instead of just saying that's how he is. You are not describing a pleasant student.

He needs to behave. Sometimes in life he'll have to deal with things that are boring, and he won't be able to excuse it with "oh I don't like the person leading it".

I second going in to the teacher, asking seriously what his academic weaknesses are and about his disruptive behaviours. Extra work at home could help crack this now.

user789653241 Wed 21-Mar-18 08:26:06

Agree with Raven, find out his weakness and try doing a little work at home. Some children might need little extra to get it and doing short 1-1 at home can be way better than 1-30 at school.
If he has fallen into the vicious circle of not understanding and disruptive and getting further behind, earlier you crack it the better. All the work will only get harder.

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