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Was the Teacher being fair?

(46 Posts)
SunsetOnTheHorizon Wed 14-Feb-18 00:28:46

Ds6 used the word 'stinky' to her friend ( i know it is her friend-she always talks about her) to describe said friends breath.

She could have picked a nicer adjective but she didn't.

The teacher decided to make it official and hand out a written warning (also known as a yellow ticket).

So, has the Teacher over reacted or is stinky a 'nasty' word. Or is there a middle ground somewhere.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 14-Feb-18 00:33:34

Maybe it’s to do with the way it was said? Could be she was actually trying to be very mean?

Sounds over the top to me but that’s all I can think of.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall Wed 14-Feb-18 00:33:58

I don't think the word stinky itself is that bad, so saying the loos are stinky would be OK, but using it to make an unkind personal comment to her friend is nasty.

AlexanderHamilton Wed 14-Feb-18 00:34:15

Had the friend just been eating cheese & onion crisps? (Or similar ‘stinky’ food? If so I think it was an over reaction.

Or had she just not brushed her teeth that day?

MorningstarMoon Wed 14-Feb-18 00:36:28

She made a personal comment that could have upset her friend and needs to learn it's not nice to be mean about other people. So no the teacher wasn't being unfair IMO.

PancakeInMaBelly Wed 14-Feb-18 00:37:27

Probably has more to do with making fun of friend for personal reasons than the word used.

It would hurt a lot to have a "friend" announce to a room that you have bad breath.

That "frenemy" type behaviour is IMO far more serious than "bad swears"

SunsetOnTheHorizon Wed 14-Feb-18 00:47:21

I wasn't there so unsure of the context it was said in. Could have been said in a mean way to poke fun at her.

'Frenemy' is an actual term...most of these girls want to be queen bee, perhaps frenemy type behaviour is more common than i thought.

PancakeInMaBelly Wed 14-Feb-18 00:51:59

I dont really know what context wouldnt be unkind TBH.

No matter how jokey and matey and hillarious your DD thinks she was being, it most likely wasnt nice for the person at the butt of the joke! If it even was a joke which is best case scenario

italiancortado Wed 14-Feb-18 00:53:30

I'm surprised you don't realise the problem here is more than a word?

Ivebeenaroundtheblock Wed 14-Feb-18 00:58:26

stinky in this context is no different than fat ugly or stupid.
it's an unkind unnecessary negative comment.

SofiaAmes Wed 14-Feb-18 01:00:27

How old is your child?

SunsetOnTheHorizon Wed 14-Feb-18 01:01:00

problem is more than a word

Please do enlighten me.

italiancortado Wed 14-Feb-18 01:05:19

Please do enlighten me.

Seriously??

You genuinely have no idea that it is not nice to pass comment to someone about their breath?

SunsetOnTheHorizon Wed 14-Feb-18 01:12:25

She is 6, so has no filter. Something smelt not right. She said that is stinky, like I said she could have kept quiet (probably hard if she's smelling it every day) I have explained how she needs to phrase her words and think before speaking and how words can hurt people.

Tricky one, when is it being mean and when is it a missuse of words?

SpringHen Wed 14-Feb-18 01:16:13

Tricky one, when is it being mean and when is it a missuse of words?

Its always mean to point out other peoples flaws
It doesnt matter what words she used

But shes 6 so I dont judge her too harshly. YOU though I worry about if you still dont get that its not because she used a "wrong word" eyeroll

irvineoneohone Wed 14-Feb-18 06:57:01

I think teacher making it official and given your dd written warning says a lot. It's not a word she used, but more the meanness?

If my ds got the warning, I would rather try to talk to him about how what you say can hurt others, than trying figure out if the teacher was fair or not. If you think your dd is unfairly punished, then you need to find out by speaking to the teacher why dd got written warning.

AmberTopaz Wed 14-Feb-18 07:01:52

I agree with Ivebeen - how would you feel if your DD has called her friend ugly or stupid? Would that have been ok?

I get that she is only 6 and didn’t deliberately mean to be unkind. But if you don’t tell her it’s wrong to do that, how can she learn not to?

FayJay Wed 14-Feb-18 07:03:45

I think a yellow warning was entirely appropriate. Your DD needs to learn that making personal comments about others can be hurtful even if they’re true. Saying Alex’s breath was ‘unpleasant’ or ‘malodorous’ wouldn’t have been any better! She was punished for making a hurtful personal comment, not her choice of words.

Woolvee Wed 14-Feb-18 10:27:17

Technically, I agree with FayJay and Amber, in that any intentional meanness does need tackling.
But I know that if it was MY DD given a yellow ticket, I'd be raging, and considering the punishment OTT for a six-year-old...
Sorry. Not even remotely helpful.

SoftSheen Wed 14-Feb-18 10:31:10

Assuming that this incident isn't part of a pattern of mean behaviour, I think that the teacher was being way OTT. A quiet word should have sufficed. However, if your DD has repeatedly said this sort of thing and been told not to, the the teacher was not unreasonable.

SunsetOnTheHorizon Wed 14-Feb-18 10:55:07

Wow. A mixture of responses there. Dd is usuaully a friendly child with a bossy streak.

A quiet word with her would have done the trick. A yellow ticket for speaking your mind, not even in a spiteful way...

Sadly I feel the negative behaviour is quickly dealt with in the most exaggerated way and any positive work from dd is not even acknowledged.

Dolphincrossing Wed 14-Feb-18 10:58:12

That’s horrible of her. You should tell your DD that making personal comments is unkind and not to do it, or she will end up with no friends at all.

twinone Wed 14-Feb-18 11:01:56

How can 'your breath stinks' not be spiteful confused?
There are kind ways to tell someone they have odour problems, stink or a derivative of it, is not one of them.
Back the teacher up and teach the kid to be kinder.

CotswoldStrife Wed 14-Feb-18 11:02:13

We can only go on what you tell us OP, and to describe someone as having stinky breath is awful - especially for someone who is supposed to be a friend!

Your last comment makes me think that you strongly dislike the teacher and think they are too hard on your DD.

Cauliflowersqueeze Wed 14-Feb-18 11:04:20

It’s not the “most” exaggerated way! The most exaggerated way would be a permanent exclusion.
This was a well deserved warning. It’s not sociable to make a comment like that. She might have been speaking her mind, and perhaps in your family everyone makes personal comments about each other, but in polite society that’s not the case. If she didn’t mean it to be spiteful, did she think it was a compliment then?
You’re being really ridiculous. She needs to know that that is rude and unkind.

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