Loss of self esteem since starting school - my dd

(11 Posts)
ManagedTeaCups Fri 09-Feb-18 18:02:55

d used to be super confident since starting school It’s knocked her confidence I think it’s a combination of being in new peer group new friendships and getting used to not being necessarily the ‘popular’ one like she was at preschool.
It’s a boy heavy year so when the Xmas parts we’re giving out and she was one of the few girls who didn’t get a good role- angels/dancers she was upset, she’s never had a certificate or award and is aware is isn’t getting invited to all the parties sad
I know it’s a process and she needs to learn her place and how y deal with rejection and friendships but it’s breaking my heart seeing my baby so down about herself. The teacher says there’s no problem when I’ve asked is she’s settling in ok and said academically she’s doing amazingly.

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ManagedTeaCups Fri 09-Feb-18 18:34:38


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sirfredfredgeorge Fri 09-Feb-18 19:27:38

Are you talking and "friendships" and things like that and making her think about it? K ids in DD's YR and Y1 didn't have special friendships much at all, some of them were barely beyond playing alongside or anything like that.

ManagedTeaCups Fri 09-Feb-18 19:30:06

Yep more social side of it.
I’ll ask if she’s had a good day and recently it’s been a lot of no - bad things happened x wouldn’t play with me, y wouldn’t let me sit with them etc.

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user789653241 Fri 09-Feb-18 19:36:09

Never had certificate or award can be said for many others. It's only second term.
Boy heavy school so she didn't get good role on play doesn't make sense. Many children won't get good role.
I don't think it's helpful for you to feel down about it. You should be teaching her to be more resilient.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Fri 09-Feb-18 19:39:07

Are you doing playdates at home? IME at that age children are 'best friends' with whoever their most recent playdate was with.

What were her interactions like at preschool? If she was the 'popular' one does that actually mean she was able to be a bit dominant and now equates people doing what she wants as them being friends with her? If so maybe read some of the age appropriate books about being a good friend and maybe watch some of the Wonder Grove clips to help her understand that the meaning of friendship is not people playing her games.

ManagedTeaCups Fri 09-Feb-18 19:39:44

Sorry I think she had a valid point there in that 90% of the girls had roles which included sparkly outfits and dancing probably not major to us but when you’re 5 I can see how it would be pretty rotten to not get to dress up like the majority

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ManagedTeaCups Fri 09-Feb-18 19:41:19

Thank you will look for those.
Yes dominant at preschool and very passive now even with friends outside of school.
We do do play dates haven’t had any school ones since before Xmas so maybe need to sort something out.

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emptyshelves Fri 09-Feb-18 19:45:32

I really don't like certificates and awards. They just make kids who don't get them feel shit. Or feel that things are unfair, if they feel they have done everything the 'awarded' kids did but still haven't been recognised. I don't use them at home and they weren't used at all at my junior school. They are lazy and crude behaviour management techniques by people with poor grasp of human psychology.

helpmum2003 Fri 09-Feb-18 19:45:47

I think it would be a good idea to invite some of the girls round after school for play dates. Then you can observe yourself how she is with the others.
Starting school is built up as such a big thing and actually it can be hard to settle in and get used to it all - not that exciting on the whole which can be disappointing.
Does your dd have an out of school activity where she can mix with different kids?
I'm afraid the Xmas play is just the first of many disappointments - not everyone can do everything.

ManagedTeaCups Fri 09-Feb-18 19:48:31

Yes she’s got a few clubs outside of school where she’s recently started I thought it might help her confidence and she seems to be enjoying them

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