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In Yr2 kids same sex relationships lessons

(330 Posts)
yasminluv Thu 25-Jan-18 21:50:16

In Year 2 they have a day where kids learn about samesex relationships
It’s after Easter apperantly is that nationally and is every school different

If this to happen How can I as a parent address this with the teacher the fact that I don’t want him to participate

Aeroflotgirl Fri 26-Jan-18 00:13:52

Did they, LRD, probably dident take much notice of them as I was dreadful at school.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 26-Jan-18 00:15:23

What I am trying to say is, we did not have specific classes where we were taught what relationships were, what marriage, different types of families.

Itsthattimeagain Fri 26-Jan-18 00:21:51

ScaryMary, thanks for the lesson there but if you read back, I said OP.

ScaryMary81 Fri 26-Jan-18 00:23:43

Apologies Itsthattimeagain

catkind Fri 26-Jan-18 00:30:48

I suspect the desire to be open about things may have made this day seem a bigger deal than it really is. Could easily just mean on that day their story will have a character with two dads. Or an assembly themed around tolerance. Or a topic about families that touches on different types of family they may encounter. They won't sit them down and say right now it's time for your homosexuality lesson!

YerAuntFanny Fri 26-Jan-18 00:37:58

I get what you're saying Aero, I left Primary school 20 years ago (just worked that out, quite depressing really!!) and don't recall any specific lessons about relationships like there are now. Obviously we had books and subtle things like that but they were based on assumed knowledge although I must have been somewhat aware as I remember playing Mummies and Daddies in the home corner which basically meant we said I love you very much and tucked our children up in bed. This despite the fact that I was from a single parent household with no contact with my Dad 😂

I think it's great that children are being taught the basics of a healthy relationship from a young age, times are changing and so is how we see/form relationships (I'm thinking internet here) so I think it's important that they're given the tools to understand what is and is not appropriate or "normal" as well as to help reassure them about their own feelings as they grow.

MinorRSole Fri 26-Jan-18 01:01:33

I think you are grossly over estimating how much your child will give a shit, they really won't care.
My dt's have known about same sex relationships since they knew that some people were boys and some were girls. Mainly because they have a much older sister who is dating a girl. They could not have cared less.

Do you object to your child learning science by the way, ban books with dinosaurs? How about them learning about different religions?

Kokeshi123 Fri 26-Jan-18 04:33:53

I have no issue with same sex relationships at all. I would however be wondering two things:

a) Is it really necessary to have a whole day devoted to this, and is this the most effective way to do things? Is this literally a one-off, or is the school in the habit of devoting whole days to this issue or that issue? There is no end to the number of social issues (young carers, pet welfare, refugees, rainforests) that schools might potentially want to spend time on. If schools start packing out the curriculum with very large periods of time spent on this kind of thing, there is a danger that insufficient time will be spent on the various subjects that children are supposed to be studying.

I would have thought that at Y2 level, a better approach might be to just slot this kind of information in in a low-key way--why not share some books with children which have a same-sex couple in there, within the normal curriculum or story time etc., and then just deal with questions as they come up, making it clear that this is just a normal part of life and not a big deal?

b) At the risk of turning this into Yet Another Trans Thread, my experience is that discussing "same sex relationships" in isolation seems to be exception rather than the norm these days, and this kind of issue is usually discussed in the context of the whole LGBTXYZetcetc package. ESPECIALLY if an entire day is going to spent on this area. In which case I'd want to find out exactly what my child is going to be taught and told. If this is going to include the trans stuff, I'd be concerned. I don't want my daughter being fed stories about how "little Steve liked dolls and skipping, so it became obvious "he" is actually a "she" because only girls ever like those things."

OccasionalNachos Fri 26-Jan-18 07:15:53

The last thing I would want is for my gay son to miss out on having a family because everyone was so busy telling him how normal and healthy his relationship is (why should his natural feelings be anything else ffs) that they forget to tell him that as a gay man he is going to find it extremely difficult to start a family. Seven is too young to say anything constructive.

But if your son is gay, it’s not exactly going to make life easier if he decides to hide it and start a heterosexual relationship because it’s an easier way to have children, is it? Sadly there are a lot of gay people, male and female, who conceal their true selves and are very unhappy. It’s potentially extremely damaging.

Furthermore I sincerely hope that by the next generation things have moved on anyway.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 26-Jan-18 07:43:29

I agree kokeshi, a day for yr2 is a lot. When they shoukd be learning their reading, writing and Maths, wi would not be happy with that! Fair enough it's slotted into a lesson, and done informally. But I guess you will be shouted down by some for thinking like that.

MiaowTheCat Fri 26-Jan-18 07:53:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMathsTrainee Fri 26-Jan-18 07:59:58

@mcphee , thistlebell.

Just to clarify. The intent of statement would be clearer if the word ‘clear concept’ is replaced with ‘clear distinctions or differences’

Answering your questions. Of course I ‘ve seen 7 yo play kiss chase, and met quite a few. And of course they know instinctiively what love is (asking/ stating the obvious)

But have you heard a 7 yr old say something along the lines of....I love X she’s my best friend, and I love Y as well but she is the one I will marry because I love her in a different way, I love my cat but can’t marry my cat though etc..

But I’ve defo heard 7 yr olds say they want to marry their parents when they grow up.

Thats why I originally said the distinctions between different types of relationships are probably fuzzy for many 7 yr old. Actually, even for some adults I think. Just my opinion.

sashh Fri 26-Jan-18 08:37:37

Ok I don’t appreciate the attack I’m getting. I’m fine with all your saying but I’m my religion same sex relationships are forbidden and we do follow it at home and I just want it to continue like that

FFS you cannot insulate your child from other beliefs. Walk down the street in most cities you will see people wearing turbans, veils, no head covering, cross around the neck, prayer hats, kipurs, people holding hands, people kissing, people arguing etc etc

Your child is not in a bubble.

And have you considered the thought your child might BE gay?

YerAuntFanny Fri 26-Jan-18 08:39:40

@Kokeshi, it won't be a full day.

It will be as part of a standard lesson that takes place every week, ours are called Wellness hour. Covering the basics of everything that can reduce/improve wellbeing. We even have parents come in during pregnancy at the beginning of term and continue throughout the year to give the kids to see first hand how people grow, learn and thrive. Relationships factor into this naturally.

These usually take place without notice but when "sensitive" subjects come up they have to let people know and unfortunately for some, 2 men/women being in love is a bit of a sore point even now.

YerAuntFanny Fri 26-Jan-18 08:49:29

Although that said, I'm in Scotland so I think our curriculums may differ.

Health and wellbeing is part of our curriculum from the age of 3 so these lessons are scheduled in and just as important as reading, maths, p.e etc. It doesn't take time away from anything else.

Is this not the case in the rest of the UK?

Anasnake Fri 26-Jan-18 08:49:44

I'm getting the impression that op thinks being gay is a 'choice'. I've heard it before from evangelical Christians. They believe that it isn't anything genetic and you can choose not to be gay. Total nonsense of course.

LRDtheFeministDragon Fri 26-Jan-18 08:56:40

grin 'Ginn books. Nothing with relationships in'.

Honey, they have relationships in.

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Fri 26-Jan-18 09:12:08

I suspect it’s already been covered simply as part of relationships education in reception or year 1, YerAunt. Not necessarily as an individual lesson, but the topic of families usually covers the idea of there being different kinds of families.

whiteroseredrose Fri 26-Jan-18 12:30:07

Sorry if it's off topic but does everyone have a child with two mums or two dads in their school? Or that they know of IRL? There's been loads of debate about LGBT issue but neither DD (who always puts me in my place) nor DS actually know of anyone in their primary nor secondary schools in this situation.

FFSenoughalready Fri 26-Jan-18 12:47:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

m0therofdragons Fri 26-Jan-18 13:24:52

I hate this. Why have lessons in same sex relationships as if they're a "thing". They're not a "thing" it's just normal life in 2010s so surely Relationship Lessons should be all encompassing and focus more on what a healthy, loving relationship is.

DDs have 2 uncles and their friend has 2 mums. From the age of 3 they can understand the concept of acceptance and non-judgemental love. 7 is very late imo. Don't use religion as an excuse to judge and put down others. I'm Christian and my God teaches love to all. Not sure which religion encourages people to look down on others, most focus on love but written in the context of the time do not accept gay relationships. Luckily the context of the time it was written is no longer relevant so we can just focus on what Jesus said - all about love and acceptance of others. People over complicate this way to much.

pallisers Fri 26-Jan-18 15:17:18

Sorry if it's off topic but does everyone have a child with two mums or two dads in their school? Or that they know of IRL? There's been loads of debate about LGBT issue but neither DD (who always puts me in my place) nor DS actually know of anyone in their primary nor secondary schools in this situation.

Yes - from pre-school onwards. We live in a large urban area. Actually from first year in daycare now that I think of it (he was called Genesis and had 2 moms. wonder what he is doing now - must be nearly 22)

woodhill Fri 26-Jan-18 16:42:03

I think it's fair enough for you to want to withdraw him.

RavenWings Fri 26-Jan-18 16:46:02

I hate this. Why have lessons in same sex relationships as if they're a "thing". They're not a "thing" it's just normal life in 2010s so surely Relationship Lessons should be all encompassing and focus more on what a healthy, loving relationship is.

Because some children do not know that families consist of groups other than the traditional, nuclear family. And I think it's important that non traditional families are represented in school life, in the same way that non-white/disabled/older people should be represented too.

There is room to focus on that and relationship issues. It's not an either/or scenario.

BIWI Fri 26-Jan-18 16:51:13

Why, @woodhill?

blackdoggotmytongue Fri 26-Jan-18 17:14:51

‘Represented in school life’ is fine and absolutely normal. Fully condoned. Stories should feature all sorts of people with all sorts of lives.

Announcing that you are going to spend a day teaching about same sex relationships is full on weird. It’s a bit like ‘oh these people are unusual and we should learn about them’.

I’m another one who would put money on there being leaflets about gender from Mermaids, and lots of gender stereotyping in the name of progression. Homosexuality is a good bandwagon to jump for TRAs, and having seen some of the primary school leaflets on teaching gender, produced by these organizations, I would remove my children from those classes too. (If I failed to get the school to see how regressive they were)

blackdoggotmytongue Fri 26-Jan-18 17:21:56

you want y2s to have a full day learning about disabled people too, raven?
Nope. Representation in ordinary school life. Inclusion in stories. Mentions as you go along.
What the actual fuck would disabled dd2 do during this period? She has enough trouble bonding with her peers as it is, without being introduced as something they have to sit in a classroom and learn about.
All this shite is actually doing is othering people in the name of progression. If the education system were getting it right, there would be no need for homosexuality day. Because by yr 2 the kids would all know same sex relations exist because it wouldn’t have been hidden by the school in the preceding years. If all aspects of the human condition were a familiar part of everyday learning, people would be up in arms about days devoted to this stuff.
I am sure the intent is to be all fluffy and inclusive, but just by having a set day they have fucked that up totally.

MongerTruffle Fri 26-Jan-18 17:25:40

I guess everyone here is an atheist
Nope, I'm Christian.
Matthew 22:39 - "And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.'"

RavenWings Fri 26-Jan-18 17:28:33

We have Grandparents Day in school where I am. You can also include older people in texts throughout the year, too.

As I don't teach your dd what she would do isn't my concern - if I knew her, I could best weigh up what would suit the situation. A day on disability could include learning basics on Braille, Lamh (adapted Irish sign) or studying famous people with disabilities. A day on homosexuality...well, I don't do it and I wouldn't, but I'm sure schools that do can adapt it to suit their cohort.

BarbieBrightSide Fri 26-Jan-18 17:42:18

When this topic came up in conversation at home with my eldest (11) and my youngest was 6 (I think, possibly younger) I very matter of factly said 'People fall in love with people. And although mostly that is girls and boys falling in love with each other, sometimes men fall in love with men and women fall in love with women'

No drama, explanation given and accepted. I would imagine that is pretty much what will be told to Yr2s at schools.

BrendansDanceShoes Fri 26-Jan-18 17:59:17

CBBC have the show ' marrying mum and dad's, but there have been episodes of marrying mum and mum, and marrying dad and dad. When Strictly was on before Christmas, every episode with Susan Calman on it ( who my kids knew already from CBBC) mentioned and spoke to Susan's wife. Did my kids recoil in horror at either of these programmes - no. Did my kids ask questions - no. They've seen and accepted without question that that's how the world works. It's the parents generation who grew up seeing different prejudices that worry. Please don't worry unduly. Even if you've not had the conversation directly with your child, they probably know more than you think.

WellThisIsShit Fri 26-Jan-18 19:18:45

Instead of withdrawing your child in fear and without knowledge... why don’t you ask exactly how and what will be being taught.

I suspect this will allay your fears. I will eat my hat if it’s a full day poking and prodding at the concept of The Gay. I guess it could be a school whose weak leadership has been overrun with trans activists pushing their own agenda, as I’ve heard about such things (on here).

But mainly, I’m betting it’s a lesson on social studies in general, mentioning different types of families in passing.

My DS’s school has a ‘Life Bus’ that comes each year and the classes have an hour class time each on it.

It’s fun, there’s a talking giraffe and a basic message of social positivity, kindness and diversity. Age appropriate and very sensitivity done. DS mainly remembers the giraffe though!

No worries and definitely no religious offensiveness generated.

In fact, it’s a CofE school, so it really doesn’t have to be a case of opposition and fear of knowledge.

Remember, children are young and things are taught in age appropriate ways. That doesn’t mean pushing them to the limits of their capabilities, in my experience it means seeding very simple and basic ideas that over the years they expand upon and reinforce (yes, years, not minutes!). Concepts such as tolerance and diversity in everyone’s different ways to live and love. And what is not acceptable in our society, like hatred, and inequality, and rejecting everybody’s right to live a peaceful life as they choose. So, no big scary concepts in there that Christians should have an issue with.

Unless they’re the sort of people who believe they should be able to exclude and penalise people for not believing the same as them... which I’m not convinced you are smile

Please, don’t make a decision based on fear and assumptions... seek out information. Then choose. With clarity of insight, not blindness of ignorance and an assumption that others will not behave or uphold the same values of love, tolerance and respect that you do.

WellThisIsShit Fri 26-Jan-18 19:31:44

PS my DS just happened to say this morning that of course he couldn’t marry me, that would be ridiculous (!). Ah, I thought, having been reading this thread, DS is 7 and is starting to understand relationships.

But no, hold your horses, apparently DS will be marrying me just as soon as when I’m not married to daddy anymore. It’s question of one at a time, not who can marry who smile

He also wants to marry his best friend. Definitely not any girls as the girls he knows don’t want to play the particularly cold and muddy game he and his male best friend are obsessed by at the moment. Not sure how that pans out with marrying me.

I may well be jilted at the altar for mud-boy grin

ShitWit Fri 26-Jan-18 19:34:33

Catching back up on thread and just got to this bit

ShitWit you just thought I was following Islam that’s why
Nope and I’ve said nothing to suggest which religion I thought you were because it doesn’t matter, homophobia is homophobja whatever religion it’s hidden behind.

. Many religions claim being gay is forbidden and wrong. It’s not uncommon for religions to think women are less too, you’ve assumed I meant Muslim which says more about you than it does me.

Fwiw, I have catholic, Christian and Muslim people in my close friends and family and none of them exclude their children from lessons that show all walks of life and different family set ups as normal and fine because they want to conuntue teaching being gay is forbidden. Which is why I said earlier plenty of people are religious without being homophobic as they leave the outdated and bigoted elements behind.

If you want your child to see being as normal and no big deal then don’t treat like a big deal by excluding him from learning about normal relationships and don’t teach him it’s forbidden.

I can’t see a way for you to teach your son it’s forbidden without being homophobic. Expressing those views out loud could prevent your child making friends, my best friend is bisexual and was ina relationship with a woman when her dd was 4 until 10 years old, mam and stepmam helped out at school and it was never an issue, if any child told her dd that their family was forbidden she wouldn’t encourage the friendship, I mean, she’d feel sorry for the child because he’s being taught to think that way, but she wouldn’t have people in her, or her child’s life who see her as wrong.

I guess I just can’t get my head around, in 2018 actively choosing to teach your child being gay it’s forbidden. I’m sorry op. You may be a lovely woman and people in your real life have no idea you home these beliefs, and in future people may not know your son holds them too, part of me hopes they don’t becuase it’s nit his fault what his parents teach him, but part of me feels he doesn’t keep his views quiet becuase homophobic attitudes need challenging.

UserSnoozer Fri 26-Jan-18 20:02:07

Your son can choose to believe what he wants. Gays exist. He needs to learn this. And what if he was gay? Would u kick him out? You're teaching him to be scared of telling you if he was gay which can cause lots of problems. Get your head out your arse and realise he's his own person that needs to learn this, not some thing you can dictate to

whiteroseredrose Fri 26-Jan-18 21:54:30

According to the ONS in 2016 2% of the uk population identified as lesbian gay or bi. Of these over 70% were single. Seems a bit overkill to devote a whole day of school

BIWI Sat 27-Jan-18 08:23:16

Well, that's a survey. (I'm a market researcher - I know a little bit about those).

First, it depends on how the question was asked.

Second, it depends on whether the respondent wanted to answer the question honestly.

With attitudes to homosexuality still often being negative (as seen on this thread), it's no surprise that many people who are LGBT might not admit to being LBGT.

And two interesting points taken directly from ONS:

In 2016, just over 1 million (2.0%) of the UK population aged 16 and over identified themselves as lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB).

1 million is more than the population of Leeds (715,404), the third biggest city in the UK.

The population aged 16 to 24 were the age group most likely to identify as LGB in 2016 (4.1%).

So amongst younger people, identifying as LGBT is statistically higher - I doubt that younger people are suddenly 'catching the gay' - but that they're happier to identify as such. Which is fantastic.

At a total population level, if this percentage was to be replicated, this means it would be 2 million people.

How many people need to be LBGT before you think it's alright for us to talk about it and teach it in schools?

insancerre Sat 27-Jan-18 08:33:18

Oh dear op. If your child had attended my nursey then I would already have taught him about love and tolerance and how some children have a mummy and a daddy or 2 mummies or 2 daddies and that men can get married to men and women can marry women
Shoot me now

titsbumfannythelot Sat 27-Jan-18 09:09:46

I think you are doing your son and any future friends a massive disservice op if he misses the lesson. Kids should learn things age appropriately as early as possible as far as as I'm concerned.

dannydyerismydad Sat 27-Jan-18 09:29:40

DS has friends with 2 mummies.

I'm pleased that schools acknowledge that there are lots of different kids of families.

It's important to know that it doesn't matter what your family looks like but families should be loving and supportive.

At this age children don't learn the mechanics of sex. They learn how to identify a healthy relationship.

southeastlondonmum Sat 27-Jan-18 10:12:11

We had this in year 1. Loads of parents kicked off claiming religion and 'it's just not right' etc etc.
It's just crap tbh. My kids have had several gay relationships in their life since birth. It's not news for them at all and not teaching about it would be odd. 1/10 people are gay, could be your child, it's time to get over it

Quickerthanavicar Sat 27-Jan-18 10:47:37

How it went with friends of mine when asked.
Mommy why are Fred and Bill always together.
Well Fred and Bill love each other very much and live in the same house, like mommy and daddy do.
Oh Ok, can I have a biscuit?

Catsize Tue 30-Jan-18 23:32:04

OP, I find you a bit scary.

Children accept SS relationships just fine until people like you make a big thing out of it. That is what breeds homophobia.

I really hope your child is not gay.

IDefinitelyWould Tue 30-Jan-18 23:40:24

My best friend and her wife, and my cousin and his husband, have been at every milestone for my dd and she loves them all dearly.

If you withdraw him from the lesson he will most likely hear a skewed and inaccurate version from his classmates in the playground. Wouldn't it be better for him to get the information from his teacher and then you discuss how your religion impacts on these issues at home?

Quickerthanavicar Thu 01-Feb-18 22:44:49

My vicar is a lesbian. Sorry if that blows your mind.

Gwenhwyfar Thu 01-Feb-18 23:01:09

"For the record Christianity clearly does say women are lesser- hmmm when was the last female archbishop or pope? Oh and how come women could only become bishops in the last few years?"

I'm not going to argue with you about what Christianity says about women, but I'm quite shocked that you don't know the difference between certain churches and Christianity as a religion. There are lots of denominations and many have never had restrictions on what roles women can have.

Gwenhwyfar Thu 01-Feb-18 23:05:30

"Need I point out that God is a man?"

Oh dear, oh dear.

Justanotherzombie Thu 01-Feb-18 23:09:08

Which churches have never had restrictions on what roles women can have???

Gwenhwyfar Thu 01-Feb-18 23:12:37

Justan - I don't have a list, but there are hundreds, maybe thousands of Protestant denominations. Do you know the rules for all of them?
Whoever I was quoting seemed to think Christianity equals Church of England (though mixed a bit of Catholic in there as well).

Dilligaf81 Thu 01-Feb-18 23:15:18

Yes your being judged op because you are judging others having a loving relationship. You say you know people at work and their your friends but you don't want your son to know about it [HMM]

I also think it's sad that the school have a specific day to learn about same sex relationships but the fact that op has made this post shows why the school do and make parents aware so far in advance. Poor teachers getting small minded bigoted people asking why. How or what is acceptable to back it up or know what they have been told but that not your point is it Op. I'm actually rather sad for your son as your starting him off at a massive disadvantage.

hollowtree Thu 01-Feb-18 23:21:14

Oh no! The gays! Protect the children from their gayness!!

Justanotherzombie Thu 01-Feb-18 23:22:47

Gwen, I know many (not all) Protestant denominations. I grew up in one of the most liberal and moderate ones. And my father and grandfather were both involved in voting in women clergy so no, I don't think there's loads of churches who have 'never had restrictions on the roles women can have'.

Cocofluff Thu 01-Feb-18 23:27:26

WOW we are all up in arms about op having a lifestyle choice that is different from ours? It may not be my opinion but I respect we live in a country where religious freedom is allowed and op is allowed to express her own choices. Op has stated she wishes to educated her child when they are a little older. She has said she is going to educate the child on this subject. However it seems she is not aloud to have a difference of opinion on how she chooses to live her life. She has said she respects others in their choices but she chooses to follow a different path in her life

Cocofluff Thu 01-Feb-18 23:30:13

So op you can ask the teacher what will be discussed hopefully it will be age appropriate and then make your choice. Because luckily if you are in the uk we all have a choice and religious freedom.

ViceAdmiralAmilynHoldo Thu 01-Feb-18 23:50:16

I'm a Christian and I really struggle with the idea that parents are able to deny their children information about bodies, relationships and society because it doesn't fit their particular world view. I think sex & relationship ed should be compulsory - I'm not sure from what age.

My kids went to a church primary school. Even there I'd have been staggered if there were many seven year olds who didn't already know there were same sex relationships. By leaving it 'until later' you make more of an issue about it.

I was volunteering in the school once when a five year old child suddenly talked about getting married, and asked "Can marry boys?" I replied that they could (the legislation had just been enacted). I told the teacher afterwards, saying I was sorry if it caused problems, but he'd asked me a question and I gave a factual answer. She just replied that I'd answered correctly and couldn't be expected to do anything else. The parents did complain, because they were bigots (they had no faith) as I'd apparently 'put ideas into son's head'. It was nonsense obviously as I was only replying to a question. Like you, OP, they erroneously believed their child was 'too young' to know. They're not. Don't hide life from your children.

KriticalSoul Fri 02-Feb-18 00:02:38

I had to talk to my kids about it, one of their friends has a mum who's bi and in a relationship with another woman, and one of her kids from her previous marriage is also Transgender.

I'm not atheist ftr, i'm pagan.

Personally, I think its more damaging to a young mind to brainwash them with religion and its indoctrination of homophobia than to teach them that people can love whoever they like, male or female.

Adarajames Fri 02-Feb-18 00:21:11

A whole day?! Really? I very much doubt it what with the amount of other subjects teaching to tests that schools have to fit in now! It'll almost certainly be a brief mention as part of a topic on families or the like, maybe a few pictures that happen to have a same sexy couple in them; no school is going to sit them down and do a whole days teaching on 'the gays', people do seem to be taking it to an illogical degree!

Catsize Fri 02-Feb-18 11:43:06

few pictures that happen to have a same sexy couple in them


blackberryfairy Fri 02-Feb-18 11:46:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Adarajames Fri 02-Feb-18 12:55:25

@catsize. ops, my autocorrect must think I have a dirtier mind than I do! shock. grin

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Fri 02-Feb-18 12:59:11

Wow. How has your child reached 7 without meeting any same-sex couples?

My children were older than 7 before they met a same sex couple

If you dont know any same sex couples you dont know any

Raaaaaah Fri 02-Feb-18 13:15:48

With respect yasmin it is not about what you believe is right it is an education about what happens in real life. Of course you are entitled to disagree with same sex relationships ( to be clear I don’t agree with you) but your child will come across them and may even enter into one so has a right to be informed. I too am rather surprised that it hasn’t come at home yet. Both of my elder kids knew by this age that marriages/relationships weren’t just female/male. Not because I’d gone out of my way to teach them but because it had cropped up in conversation.

MrsPreston11 Fri 02-Feb-18 13:15:58

My youngest has 2 children in her class with same-sex parents.

The children don't even question it.

blackberryfairy Fri 02-Feb-18 13:23:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coffeecork Fri 02-Feb-18 13:46:59

I wouldn't personally have a problem with this, although it does seem to be making a huge issue out of being gay. Surely the best thing at this age would be to throw in the occasional story book featuring same sex parents and be matter of fact about it?

But I would not currently trust schools to teach about transgender issues without unintentionally promoting sex stereotypes. So for that reason I'd want to see the materials involved and make sure that the day is only focused on homosexuality.

WiggyPig Fri 02-Feb-18 13:54:12

I'm Anglican and I'm also a lesbian, my kid has two mums, and our local faith school is the only one to have adopted the Stonewall anti-homophobia policy.

I wonder when my child will be old enough to learn that there are other Christians who think her mums are too scary for their child to even know about? Seven? Nine?

WiggyPig Fri 02-Feb-18 13:54:48

(Only school in our area to have adopted the Stonewall anti-homophobia policy that should say, obviously it's not the only one in the universe!)

why12345 Fri 02-Feb-18 14:09:17

_^*Sometimes men love women
And sometimes men love men
Then there are some bisexuals
Though some just say they're kidding themselves*^._^**^

Lesson done in 10 second by Phoebe Buffay.

People need to stop making a mountain out of a molehill. hmm

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Fri 02-Feb-18 14:13:38

Well i can assure you that I haven't made a special effort grin

My children have gay and bisexual friends now they are older

Twofishfingers Fri 02-Feb-18 14:28:12

Schools have a duty to teach tolerance and respect of everyone, independent of their faith, ethnic origin, and sexual orientation. It's part of the British values (which by the way are not only British... ).

The lessons don't teach about 'sex' or 'sexual relationships', they talk about the fact that in our society, many people are in gay relationships. We need to teach children to respect those who are gay, and understand that many children will have two parents of the same sex and those kids should not be picked on, or discriminated against. This is what they teach in school, and this is what many parents have been telling their children since they were very young.

They don't teach about gay sex. It's about love and respect. If your religion goes against that, then your religion is wrong.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Fri 02-Feb-18 17:56:31

5bh I don’t have issues with this and I quite involved in my local church.

Dementedswan Fri 02-Feb-18 18:01:14

You sure your 7 year old doesn't know about this already?

My 7 year old asked me a couple years ago if a boy could marry a boy and a girl could marry a girl. He's not come across any obvious same sex couples as far as I'm aware. Just natural curiosity.

slippermaiden Fri 02-Feb-18 19:35:41

I don't think my son was taught this in year two. He does know the word gay from his friends, and although I have explained this is okay and not funny at all, he thinks it's absolutely hilarious, as do his friends. (Admittedly straight relationships are quite funny too!) I don't fancy being the teacher in that lesson with a bunch of immature kids!

stayingaliveisawayoflife Fri 02-Feb-18 19:49:32

In my year 2 classroom we just talk a lot about how people are the same and different and how people live in lots of different families. As I had a pair of 'twins' with two mums it was just known that you could have two mums or dads. Children just accept what is around them.

someoneorother Fri 09-Feb-18 17:25:17

I'm 50 and have met a lot of people in my life and as far as I know I've never met a same sex couple. OK I did meet a German lesbian couple who were camping once, but I didn't know they were that until someone told me afterwards. I think otherwise I have maybe one or two distant acquaintances who are that way and I've not met them as couples, just had contact with the one person. I really think that people who live in cities have a different experience of life.

BIWI Fri 09-Feb-18 19:07:32

And your point is, @someoneorother? Are you trying to suggest that the OP's children should be taught about same sex relationships?

BIWI Fri 09-Feb-18 19:10:42


CatchingBabies Fri 09-Feb-18 19:30:12

Oh no! No one told me there was a suitable age for children to be taught about THE GAY!

I guess I'd best ask 5 year old DD which one of her mummies she would like to keep, I wonder if Argos sell stand in dads? Just until she's 9 or 10 of course!

Seriously OP I was raised in a strict catholic home, I was withdrawn from all sex education, not allowed to learn anything other than this is what we believe and so this is what you must do. Didn't stop me from being a lesbian, all it did is mean that I spent many many years depressed and suicidal as I thought I was a freak and thought my parents would hate me.

someoneorother Fri 09-Feb-18 20:46:08

@BIWI My message was in response to "Wow. How has your child reached 7 without meeting any same-sex couples?"

flamingo3 Sat 10-Feb-18 15:29:52

I think there's a genuine concern here that parents are losing the right to be the main moral educators of their children. Didn't used to be the case - why is it now? Because the government say so? OP is legally entitled to withdraw her son at the moment but not for much longer. Gov are currently consulting on parents' views on new relationship education from which parents will have no legal right to withdraw children (think it's from Sept 19 but could be wrong on that?) I would have thought other parents would be more supportive, not of OP's view of same sex relationships necessarily, but of her right to decide what is right for her child who she after all know better than anyone. At infant school stage at any rate. All kids are different - my DD asked me when she was in reception if a girl could marry a girl etc and I explained when they're grown up yes, it fairly recently (which is why most books etc are still opposite sex marriages) became law that they can. My DS on the other hand is now 6 and still not mentioned or interested in the subject of relationships, or anything that hasn't got wheels to be fair!
It's not as simple as it sounds explaining to a class of 7 year olds as they'll ask lots of questions so teacher can't just say "love who you like" and leave it there. When I was teaching kids loved any sort of extended discussion - see it as an opportunity to delay work I think! So the teacher can't really guarantee in advance exactly what will be said. I'd have thought it's better just to have all types of families commonly represented in different things they're doing rather than single one type out for a special day. The point being to ensure all children feel accepted whatever their home situation.
As for the astonishment about how a 7 year old could never have met a same sex couple - it's pretty common not to actually. People who identify as LGB are not 10% of the population as someone else claimed but 2% according to office for national statistics
My kids have been in three schools so far and haven't been aware of any same sex couples in any of them and their radius of contacts doesn't yet extend much beyond school and family.

BIWI Sat 10-Feb-18 15:56:42

I'm sorry, but just because you haven't come into contact with any gay couples doesn't mean that your children shouldn't learn about same sex marriages.

That's like people who live in mainly white areas being allowed to express racist views because they haven't come across any black people hmm

And if you look at the proportion of the young population (16-24s) who identify as LGBTQ, it's much higher than the national average, which suggests that - finally - people are happy to 'come out', rather than hide their natural sexual orientation.

anonteacher1 Sun 11-Feb-18 06:31:35

You do know that even if you take him out the lesson that he'll still hear it from kids on the playground??? hmmhmmhmm

My dd is 7 and I'm bloody pleased that she knows about "gays" in the same way she is accepting and tolerant of disabilities.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens Sun 11-Feb-18 08:16:33

Honestly not difficult to share this information. My two year old stated that everyone has a Mummy and a Daddy. I said some people do but some have two Mummies or Two Daddies or just a Mummy or a Daddy. That some people don't have children either and that's OK too and that some people don't have a Mummy or a Daddy (recent bereavement in the family).

She said "OK Mummy" and went back to playing.

Job done. The earlier you introduce topics like this, the earlier he'll just accept its fact. 6 is way too late, I would presume he already knows. I certainly knew about sex by then from playground chat but my parents ignored that fact for many many years.

ItalianOne Sun 11-Feb-18 08:30:14

Op I think your germttibg a flaming for no reason.religion and seen very well on mumsnet.
It isn't homophobic to disagree with gay relationships, or gay adopting children etc etc.
People are free to do what they like, and be treated nicely. But not a chance I'll be normalizing homosexual relationships to my kids. If they ask I say some people do that but it's something we don't agree with.end of story.if they say " I'll marry my same sex friend" I say you can't because he's also a boy for example. I don't say we hate all gays, I don't say that will burn in he'll I just say that's not something we agree with/ do.
No reason for name calling the OP , not a very good example of tolerance.

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Sun 11-Feb-18 08:54:51

What of your kids is gay? It might be fine lying to them at 6 and telling them they can’t marry a boy but at some point they’re going to realise that you hate who they are.

And not agreeing with homosexual relationships or deciding it’s not something you ‘do’ Is homophobic. Just because you think you treat them nicely doesn’t change your underlying homophobic beliefs.

ItalianOne Sun 11-Feb-18 09:19:20

Why would they realize I hate them when I Don't? Not agree with doesn't mean hate

catkind Sun 11-Feb-18 09:39:39

There's certainly a risk they'll come to that conclusion italian if they've been brought up with you telling them that what they are doesn't exist or you disagree with it. Remember they'll know they're gay before you do. Possibly a very long time before if you take that approach.

But in the shorter term, imagine if one of their new classmates in reception has two dads and your DC tries to tell them they're lying because a boy can't marry a boy? Deliberately lying to your kids is just setting them up for a fall.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 11-Feb-18 09:44:42

No reason for name calling the OP , not a very good example of tolerance.

Says the person who posted this:

But not a chance I'll be normalizing homosexual relationships to my kids.

BIWI Sun 11-Feb-18 09:47:59


It isn't homophobic to disagree with gay relationships, or gay adopting children etc etc.

Yes it is.

seafooodplatter Sun 11-Feb-18 10:07:40

It isn't homophobic to disagree with gay relationships, or gay adopting children etc etc.
People are free to do what they like, and be treated nicely. But not a chance I'll be normalizing homosexual relationships to my kids. If they ask I say some people do that but it's something we don't agree with.end of story.if they say " I'll marry my same sex friend" I say you can't because he's also a boy for example. I don't say we hate all gays, I don't say that will burn in he'll I just say that's not something we agree with/ do.
No reason for name calling the OP , not a very good example of tolerance.

It isn't homophobic to disagree with gay relationships, or gay adopting children etc etc.

It really is

But not a chance I'll be normalizing homosexual relationships to my kids.

This makes you homophobic.

if they say " I'll marry my same sex friend" I say you can't because he's also a boy for example. I don't say we hate all gays, I don't say that will burn in he'll I just say that's not something we agree with/ do.

I hope your kids do turn out to be gay. Then they will realise what a truly awful, small minded bigot they have for a parent.

No reason for name calling the OP , not a very good example of tolerance.

Who the fuck are you to lecture on tolerance? You sounded truly horrible.


Aria2015 Sun 11-Feb-18 10:10:11

I think it's a shame you feel this way. I'm teaching my toddler that relationships can come in all forms and by the time he's 7 I'm hoping he won't even need a lesson at school to tell him.

If you do take him out the talk, just be aware that his friends may talk about it after they attend and he could get second hand information in '7 year old speak' which could cause him confusion. He's better having it explained by an adult who can answer his questions properly.

MarklahMarklah Sun 11-Feb-18 10:20:03

My 7 year old is already well aware of single-sex relationships as several of my friends are gay. So she knows that Sally has a wife, that Robert has a husband... It really is not an issue.
There are same-sex parents at her school, so it's pointless to ignore, anyway.
All they're talking about right now is that some people have husbands, some people have wives, some people are single, etc.

ljlkk Sun 11-Feb-18 10:27:08

I hate this. Why have lessons in same sex relationships as if they're a "thing". They're not a "thing" it's just normal life in 2010s

OP is exactly why the lessons are a good thing. Her child won't be exposed to the concept, otherwise, that a loving couple is anything but male-female. OP & Her child don't have to approve, but they can accept that equality for such relationships is the decision of the society around them & not a threat to them. Little & often is a good way to learn to get to grips with weird ideas, so not too young.

yogaginrepeat Sun 11-Feb-18 10:31:33

You don't agree with it and he's 7?!?! My 4 year old understands that love is love! You're doing him a serious disservice.
Haven't read through all the comments but is it because you're homophobic and worried he'll turn gay if he's informed loving relationships can occur in same sex relationships hmm?

headinhands Sun 11-Feb-18 10:38:05

I think it should be taught later in yr 4 or 5, when kids have a better understanding of relationships.

When your dc's were little did you pretend you were single or just friends with your partner? Of course not. Why is it okay for small kids to see and know about hetero relationships? You're making it more complicated. It's not.

headinhands Sun 11-Feb-18 10:39:14

I think it should be taught later in yr 4 or 5, when kids have a better understanding of relationships.

And same sex couples have kids. So their kids know about same sex relationships from the 'get go' years before you think they should know. So you think that's bad right?

headinhands Sun 11-Feb-18 10:47:40

'They aren't taking them to a live sex show'


Ragusa Sun 11-Feb-18 10:55:04

@italianone but parents will still be the principal moral educators of their children.

Have you considered how your child might feel if they do grow up gaya and we'll aware you consider this morally wrong? I cannot get my head around "oh we love the gays but hate what they do". I know people say similar when kids are being naughty ie "I don't agree with that behaviour but I love you", but the crucial difference is this behaviour is modifiable. Sexuality is only modifiable if you deny yourself a partnership and sex life for ever. Which doesn't seem reasonable. Would God really want someone to be without a life partner and sexuality??

DangerMouse17 Sun 11-Feb-18 11:06:28

OP you are quite within your right to have an opinion and not agree with same-sex relationships (I wouldn't call you homaphobic as I think it's a ridiculous term anyway....people don't FEAR gay people, they just may not agree with it and fair enough)

However, regardless of your personal opinion your child will be part of a society that sees this sort of relationship as the norm - and they will need to deal with it and tolerate it. If they are not taught to respect and tolerate this early on then it will be to their detriment. Better to get it over and done with! wink

BIWI Sun 11-Feb-18 14:05:27


mass noun
Dislike of or prejudice against homosexual people

Hope that helps clear things up.

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