Fed up of having the piss ripped out of me for not having my shit together re school(118 Posts)
Just want a rant and some sympathy.
Both dh and I work ft. Very demanding jobs. Two primary age dc. We are as organised as I can possibly be. Homework is done on time, they've never, ever been late, spellings are always done, payments for trips etc. are always on time and both dc are doing well at school (one is a v high achiever). But sometimes I miss stuff, normally the one line in the newsletter along the lines of "dress up as an Anglo Saxon day has moved to Thursday". They are at after school club every day so it's bloody hard to keep up.
So I ask my mum friends for clarification. Without fail, one of them will tell me I'm useless, why don't I read th newsletter properly etc., hopeless me, the poor dc have a terrible mum.
Sometimes I think they can't be proper friends. I do have supportive mum friends who are in a similar position and will contact me for similar help. I never take the piss: it's unfair.
I am doing my best.
They are not really friends.
Everyone misses stuff from time to time. I once sent DS to school when it was actually a training day.
Sounds like there's a bit of envy there and they're keeping you down the only way they can, making you feel like a bad mum. I have the same problem with DS's school announcing things on a slip sent home in a bookbag, changing them via email, announcing some other detail on Twitter and generally making it impossible to quickly check anywhere what's needed for any given day/activity. I just do my best - it's all you can do.
Are they saying it with a straight face really?
Then why are you calling these people friends. They are not.
Is there no FB page for the school or year group? Our small primary has several year group FB sites for this kind of thing, set up by a helpful parent a few years ago.
The night before a mufti day or Tudors dress up day there will always be a post from a panicky parent or more who’s just heard about it.
I do the school run for my DGS and always have to remind my DD about things that were in the weekly newsletter. You are not alone!
Me and my DH work FT and sometimes we miss dress-up days or being able to rustle up cakes for a bake sale for the next day but you know what I really don't care. At the end of the day i'm providing my kids with a good lifestyle and hopefully showing my DD that you can have a career as well as a family if that's what you want. At the end of the day don't sweat the small stuff, look at the bigger picture and what your're achieving is my motto
There is a fb group. I'm always on it .
One of dd's friend's mum is particularly disparaging.
I think I'm just feeling a little sensitive about the whole issue.
What sort of clarification are you asking for?
I get it that you might totally miss stuff like changes of date - but then you wouldn't need to ask as you wouldn't know to ask.
Remembering to ready the newsletter isn't that hard, is it? You (and DH) could set a weekly alarm on your phone to remind you to do it, at a time when you're likely to have 5 mins to concentrate on it.
They don't sound that nice.
Alternatively, you do this a lot and they're fed up with you constantly texting saying 'what day is so and so' when it is written in the newsletter and you could look there and actually, they're just as busy as you are.
So your "disorganisation" is based around not knowing what day dressing up is? I think we probably need more info, as that would be something you'd expect your very high achieving children to be mostly managing, "dad, we're dressing up as an Anglo Saxon.", "dad it's tomorrow we're dressing up".
Now you might need to clarify what they tell you, but simply reading the newsletter now you know there's something about Anglo Saxon's would reveal that.
I assume you're asking everyone as a group on whatsapp or similar, and what it really sounds like is these people don't like you outsourcing the tracking of stuff to them, they could just say no (but that harms your kids) so instead they tease you in the hope you'll stop doing it.
Sorry there's not more sympathy, but sympathy will just make you feel that your demands on these others is okay, when they are telling you to stop through their actions, it's annoying passive bollocks and we don't know if it's justified, but for whatever reason they need it to stop. You'll need to find a way. Get DH to manage it and get clarification from his dad friends maybe...
I moan loudly to anyone that will listen that school is like an extra part time admin job. Good for you if you’re on top of it. If your not (like me) it’s not the end of the world. At least you care! Lots of parents don’t care, don’t do homework, don’t take an interest.
I will now continue searching for the tea towel order form that has to be in on Monday and I have lost.
Our school sends out email and text alerts over things like this - if they didn’t I’d be absolutely stuffed. I can barely manage the minimum effort at the best of times and I only currently have one DC to manage at the moment ((until May that is - god help me!!)) please don’t be so hard on yourself and ignore the bitchy comments, so long as they are loved, fed and clothed and you’re doing your best your kiddos are doing fine. They’re not going to worry in a weeks time that they weren’t dressed up as a Saxon on the right day!
Print off the newsletter and write the dates on a calendar, check calendar every day, it's the only way I can keep on top of this stuff.
baking addict - do you really need think your DC are thinking "I'm not dressed up like my friends for the themed day but that's ok as mummy has a career" what tosh. You might not care but they will!
This is just my experience, so completely unscientific, but I've seen kids of v v organised parents get really stressed whenever anything goes slightly wrong, whereas kids with averagly organised parents are much more laid back. They know that if something goes a bit wrong, like not getting cakes for a bake sale or whatever, then life goes on and it's not the end of the world.
Basically - don't sweat it and find nicer people to ask for info
I read the newsletter. Every week. And it's online so I do refer to it throughout the week. It's the 'unwritten' stuff. The day dd comes home and says her teacher has told her a different time for something. Or what the arrangements are for an event. Or the time of an assembly. The school is crap at communicating and most important information seems to come from teachers telling parents at pick up.
I'm not texting constantly. I use fb.
Just read the newsletter, rather than let them patronise you like this. It's how they find out this stuff, isn't it?
How is it easier asking on Facebook?
If key dates are changing and not being communicated then ring the school to clarify.
Whoa! Those people are not your friends. They are rude mofos. How dare they?!
I'm on my second primary child - first is now 20 and no internet then to remind me.
Both my kids have been brought up spending a night midweek at their Dad's.
Things do get missed/forgotten but, while it might seem annoying or embarrassing to the kids at the time, being a hard working role and resourceful role model is also important, not to mention amazing.
Your 'friends' for some reason want you to feel shit about yourself. Don't let them, do your best, love your kids and one day you will reap the rewards.
My 20 year old remembers with amusement the days she turned up in school uniform on dress down day, for school on an in service day etc. She respects me, is hard working and is an awesome role model for her wee sister who's following in her footsteps as a conscientious, hard working kid.
This shit doesn't really matter
They sound jealous that you're able to work a demanding job and do all the school stuff too. Ignore them, they're probably bored.
My mum once sent me to school with no knickers on - there are worse things in life than missing a dress up day. You're doing a great job!
I think I would have a talk with school.
Is there a way you can be sure of accessing stuff - twitter or whatever.
Not sure of your DCs ages but embarrassing them by missing things could make them shape up a bit ie don't apologise for being a bad mum tell DCs it's they that need to keep on top of stuff.
I wouldn't advertise my forgetfulness on a public forum like the fb page. Can't you just phone a neighbour/friend.
A positive way forward with this would be to get in touch (politely) with the school and say 'I read the newsletter really carefully, but a lot of information seems to be given out verbally to parents at pick up time - as many working parents do not pick up their children, would it be possible to review your communication processes to ensure that all parents always get those messages?'
We use e-mail for at least 1 day in advance, not too critical stuff, and text for 'X member of staff is ill / it's snowing so Y club is cancelled today' that happens on the day. Both are easy using the general school information management systems - we can do e.g. a class e-mail in a couple of minutes, or text just members of the football team.
You can have a demanding job and remember school activities, it's not one or the other
At our school it's the SAHMs that seem to forget stuff more frequently, which I can never quite work out!
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