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How do I raise this without being 'that' parent

(30 Posts)
Dottie39 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:10:25

DD is in year 5. She is bright and enthusiastic, by no means a genius but works hard so reaps the rewards of that.

So far this school year she has floated through, I went through this half terms spellings which she already knew. I supervise her homework and she sails through it without effort. When I ask her what she finds difficult at school she said 'nothing'. Her reading age is 12.5 (age 9).

I have helped her find more challenging books to read, and done some more advanced maths but am worried I will confuse her with outdated methods so am considering getting a tutor.

It's parents evening next week. I want to point out that I don't think my DD is being challenged without being that parent and making the teacher feel I am critical of her.

(I have had run ins when she taught DD previously and didn't intervene when she watched DD being bullied so already feel she is icey with me... )

How can I approach this?

justasking123 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:26:24

How is she doing at school? Is she in the top group? How do you know she is not being challenged? And why can't you challenged her yourself? Get some workbooks and see how it goes

Panicattheschoolgate Sun 05-Nov-17 18:34:11

Sounds a bit intense with a tutor. Just ask for some extra homework or guidance on things you can do. As long as she isn’t playing up in class as she is so under challenged, just let her be. They work hard enough later. IMO

RaindropsAndSparkles Sun 05-Nov-17 18:38:26

A reading age of 12.5 in yr 5 isn't that exceptional. Just do stuff privately at home and don't criticise. You will need their reference next September for secondary transfers.

SkeletonSkins Sun 05-Nov-17 18:39:33

I'd have a look at her school books before you say anything. I've got some kids in my class who sail through all their work, but they're getting stuff wrong.

If you see her work and still feel that way, I'd just ask if there's anything you can do at home to be challenging her.

I purposefully send home homework which is a bit easy as A. I give the same to everyone and B. Lots of my kids have no home support so need to be able to do it themselves with no help or we get complaints.

SkeletonSkins Sun 05-Nov-17 18:40:31

And to add as a year 6 teacher I definitely don't do references for parents/children at secondary transfer, not sure if that's a private school thing? Never heard of it.

MrsHathaway Sun 05-Nov-17 18:47:35

By y5 the question is how you can help DD to challenge herself. Can she take the initiative to apply this week's objective and last week's to the current piece of writing? Can she look for patterns in her maths work to save herself time later on?

Paddington68 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:50:29

Sorry, reference for secondary, a wot now?

Mamabear4180 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:51:22

Just be that parent!

00100001 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:53:24

Is she getting everything correct all the time? No mistakes in maths.... No incorrect spellings etc?

OlennasWimple Sun 05-Nov-17 18:54:42

Don't phrase it as "I think you aren't challenging DD enough"

Ask questions about extension activities and whether DD is working at her full capability

LaughingElliot Sun 05-Nov-17 18:59:33

Thank m sorry but you’re making an issue out of nothing. Your daughter is doing well. Can you not be happy about that? She sounds absolutely within the norm for her year group which is s very comfortable place to be. Why look for a problem? She does not have learning or social difficulties, she is not gifted, she is in fact exactly the sort of child for whom state schooling is designed.

Take her to the library more often or sign her up to math buddy but don’t for goodness sakes harass her teacher or hire a tutor, that would be madness.

Oly5 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:00:04

I’d definitely ask!! Ask how you can challenge her more as she’s finding the homework too easy. I’ve just done this and my dc is only 6! Why not be that parent?

Mamabear4180 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:04:00

Take her to the library more often or sign her up to math buddy but don’t for goodness sakes harass her teacher or hire a tutor, that would be madness.

Harass her teacher? Why is hiring a tutor madness? hmm

LaughingElliot Sun 05-Nov-17 19:07:58

Because she doesn’t need a tutor, clearly.

allinclusive Sun 05-Nov-17 19:12:00

Schools need to challenge and support appropriately. If she is getting full marks all the time, she is not adequately challenged, and may lose out in learning resilience and perseverance. Definitely speak to the teacher.

Mamabear4180 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:12:02

Did you miss the part where the op said she's not being challenged enough? confused

RaindropsAndSparkles Sun 05-Nov-17 19:25:04

Yes it is. Private schools require refs.

Dozer Sun 05-Nov-17 19:48:53

Is your issue here prepping for 11+ ?

MaisyPops Sun 05-Nov-17 19:55:21

It depends what you mean by sialing through.
E.g. i have a y7 student who sails through tasks but often they sail through without pushing themselves or thinking about adding in challenging ideas etc. They've clearly been taught in primary that smart kids finish work quickly and find it easy so they do what they can to get through without taking risks and often that means not doing the more difficult thinking. They are very compliant but struggle to transfer knowledge to new contexts.

I'd raise it with the teacher but maybe broach it as either you seeking ways you can support and stretch DC at home and then maybe ask to see her books so you have a benchmark to work towards.

LaughingElliot Sun 05-Nov-17 20:21:39

We only have the OP’s opinion and her assumption that her child is not being challenged. If her reading level is 12.5 at 9, she is being challenged sufficiently. It isn’t uncommon for 9year olds to be well above this.

MuddlingThroughLife Sun 05-Nov-17 20:25:42

If she is doing as well as you say she should be on the MAT register, and if she is then she should be getting pushed in class. I would ask the teacher.

Catalufa Sun 05-Nov-17 20:32:22

Parents’ evening is a good time to bring this up. No need to be pushy or aggressive about it, just ask about what extension work is provided for the more able kids. A year 5 teacher is likely to have heard this many times before.

I wouldn’t get a tutor personally (I have a very able DS). Plenty of years ahead for her to work hard!

pinkliquorice Sun 05-Nov-17 20:40:55

This is one of the main reasons I am seriously considering homeschooling next year.
I would try and raise it sensitively with the teachers but if she interested in being challenged and taking her learning further defiantly consider hiring a tutor and partly home educating her at home giving her time to explore and develop her talents and interests, joining clubs is also a good idea.
Often one teacher cannot challenge, support and encourage 30 different children well enough. Talents are almost discouraged as the job just requires getting everyone to a good level at everything, there is no room to just not be so good at one thing but make up for it elsewhere. Of course this is not the teachers fault and I’m sure it’s shit for them too but it is definitely shit for our children.
Dd9 naturally is not good at maths, she doesn’t enjoy it and she scores badly, of course she needs to learn basic maths skills but she is really gifted at created writing at home she rights endless songs, poems and stories and this talent is not encouraged or picked up on at school at all, as long as she’s doing satisfaction at English all that is mentioned is how she can’t do maths, but in the long run that really doesn’t matter and I want her to be encouraged to peruse her interests and not worry about being good at everything.

TheNoseyProject Sun 05-Nov-17 20:47:25

Ignore the ‘she’s not that ahead’ etc posts there are lots of mn-ers who hate anyone taking an interest in their kids schooling.

Just say, dd loves School, it appears she might be in want of a bit more stretch, do you agree or is there something(s) you think she still needs to develop further.

If you don’t get anywhere personally I’d go the route of getting her to do a project at home she’s interested in rather than a tutor to ensure she’s still finding the joy and passion and not hot housing the academics in a way which could make her disengage.

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