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Quads separated at school

(68 Posts)
quadmamma2 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:22:57

Hi , I have 5 year old quads , our catchment primary wasn’t great so we opted to homeschool until a place for all the kids was available at our preferred school. They would be primary 1. We were told there were places available and today we got a tour, but we were told they would be split between 3 class P1g , P1h and a P1/2 class. This has made me feel uneasy as they all have slight developmental delays, all struggle in social situations, each ‘block’ has there own play ground and each class is in a different block meaning they all couldn’t socialise at break or lunch , to add I’d also pick them up at different doors. My OH wants to take he places as it is a busy school and they may not be offered again. Would you take the places ? Should I ask if it can be two and two so none are left alone ?

Fekko Wed 01-Nov-17 17:27:23

Would it not be better for them to not be all together? I know twins often get delegates so that they can develop more if their own friendships and become mire independent and not 'one of a set'.

I'm sure they love being together but a bit if space time when they can be individual might be really good for them. I'm not a twin or triplet but come from a large family and one sister was always assumed to be my twin. It used to drive us nuts to be called 'the fekkos' or 'the girls'.

Fekko Wed 01-Nov-17 17:28:09

Delegates = seperated

Caulk Wed 01-Nov-17 17:30:08

I think you’re unlikely to find a school at this stage that has 4 places in one class.

sizeofalentil Wed 01-Nov-17 17:30:39

Could you give it a try and see if it actually helps them to be apart? Maybe you could see if they'd let you split them between two rather than three classes?

acornsandnuts Wed 01-Nov-17 17:30:50

If you think they would cope better could you ask for 2x 2?

Catalufa Wed 01-Nov-17 17:30:54

I think it’s normal to separate twins (and other multiple births) at school (unless it’s a single entry school, of course). It gives them a chance to make their own friends and develop their own identities. I know you’re worried about them now, but I think that in a year's time you’ll be seeing this as a positive thing.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Wed 01-Nov-17 17:31:09

Oh it will be much better for their social skills to be separated. If they are all together they will naturally gravitate to each other and use each other as a crutch for companionship rather than doing like all the other children have to do and make their own friendship groups. Seriously, you’ll be doing them a massive disservice to insist they are together for everything. They are 4 separate people.

Fekko Wed 01-Nov-17 17:32:32

Anyone else thinking how cute they will all look lined up in their school uniform?

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Wed 01-Nov-17 17:32:40

Remember you have all of the hours outside of school for them to be together.

youarenotkiddingme Wed 01-Nov-17 17:34:39

I think you have a case for 2 and 2 so that the situation is equal for them all. Perhaps suggest it for both P1 classes due to social delays and mixed class having older children.

It may benefit them being apart though so they learn to socialise outside their own little unit. Quads are like a ready made friendship group as most children this age mix in groups of 4-6.

I'd take the place and keep the lines of communication open so if it doesn't work you can discuss changes with school.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Wed 01-Nov-17 17:35:06

Could you ask whether as a compromise they are placed as pairs. Was there one space but due to them being quads they have offered to all four. That would make sense because the two together are probably taking the one space and the others are excepted ones so all the classes are 31. Keeping them altogether would bring the class to 33. The school probably want to balance the classes with 31 each.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Wed 01-Nov-17 17:36:44

all together

teaandakitkat Wed 01-Nov-17 17:36:55

Are they starting now, mid year? If so then I reckon you are going to be waiting a long time to get 4 places in the one class. But I would hope they could maybe accommodate 2 and 2.
It would be a nuisance to have to pick up from 3 different places I agree. Maybe if the teacher in the 3rd class gets really sick of having to wait till you get round the other 2 first they'll put more effort into getting them in the same class!

Starlight2345 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:40:00

I agree that a place for 4 children after normal admission sound tough . I would give it a go and see how it goes .

Sedona123 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:41:08

I agree with what Caulk says. It also sounds like you are starting your DC in the middle of the school year? If so in order to accommodate what you want, at least one child who has already started at the school and settled in would then have to move classes so you could have your 2 and 2. Definitely unreasonable for you to ask if that's the case.

Lindy2 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:43:20

I'd accept the places. Being in school with other children may well help them develop their social confidence.
At our primary school they mix the classes from time to time when they go up a year to keep an even mix of abilities, personalities etc. The classes they start off in may not be the same throughout their time there anyway. It would be a shame to miss out on places at the school you want and have been waiting for.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 01-Nov-17 17:55:05

To put it bluntly

would you be happy for one of your children to be forced to move class to satisfy another parents wishes?

Middleoftheroad Wed 01-Nov-17 18:02:01

My twins were separated and it was great for them. Everybody told me to split them as it would be better. Everybody became an authority on how you MUST split multiples angry

But every case is different. I think only parents of multiples truly understand.
TAMBA do lots on this and campaign for multiples to stay together when it's in the family's best interest. Give them a ring and good luck.

Middleoftheroad Wed 01-Nov-17 18:03:29

Sorry...post rant I realise this is not so simple. Start by accepting the places and take it from there.

quadmamma2 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:03:30

I understand that we may not achieve all in one class. But thinking back nursery , three were in one room 1 in another (slightly further behind was with the toddlers instead of pre-schoolers) they noticed this was actually holding her further back as she felt lost without her sisters. I don’t mind if it is two and two but 6 hours a day separated seems a lot. I’ve been given workbooks according to class and been asked to decide which classes the children go in to (specifically asked we separate the identical Twins to make sure they always get the correct name. 3 places were available when the year started , we opted to wait until they could all go , a place just opened in the 1/2 class after a pupil leaving.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Wed 01-Nov-17 18:13:10

As a twin please don't be so insistent to keep them together. I hardly spoke at school for years why would I my sister spoke for me and to me and that was fine. I think you are wrong to focus on their need to be together it will honestly do them so much more good if they are split up. They have all the time at home together and weekends and being in different classes will allow them to find their own friends and have their own interests which they can share with friends.

Also from a teachers point of view (having taught reception for years) they really honestly will thrive more if separated. Especially if they are very behind their peers, as all that will happen is they will be put in small intervention groups and these groups don't tend to exceed more than 5-6 so it will basically be a group containing all your quads.

Fekko Wed 01-Nov-17 18:16:01

Heads - yes! My sister would speak for me too to the point where my parents thought that I couldn't speak!

Op - nursery was then, but now they are little people getting more independent each day and their personalities growing. It's scary when your kids get launched into school but it will be ok.

Balfe Wed 01-Nov-17 18:17:01

I agree you would be better asking for 2 and 2.

quadmamma2 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:17:04

We’ve read about the benefits of separation , but honestly i don’t think my girls are ready for it. I have there best interests at heart and feel like separating them would cause anxiety. Another school we looked at had yearly playgrounds meaning they would all at least be able to play together at break and lunch.

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