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Help~ Birthday party

(18 Posts)
peppaMummy Fri 20-Oct-17 10:43:48

Ds's (turning 5) best friend at school's birthday party is happening on DS's actual birthday...

The party is a Saturday afternoon do, what can I do to avoid upsetting my son? Will he be upset if mummy does not throw him a party, and yet he is attending someone else's party seeing his best friend being showered in gifts?

DS started reception this year, his best friend in his class is having a birthday party and invited everyone, the boy's mother was well organized and was asking for the list of names of children weeks ago. Of course we are going, they are best friends. I just didn't expect it to happen on that day, and of course how was the other mummy to know..

I didn't have time to organize a party for my son this year, was going to do a family meal with cake and presents; myDH just mentioned why don't I talk to the other mum and have a joint party, we are new to this, I am not sure if this would sound rather untoward, the other mummy has done all the work, given out invites .. on the other hand I can bring in an entertainer or something to make the party bigger, we are new to this, please would you suggest?

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 10:46:28

I think it’s too late to do a joint party but you can suggest it to them for next year.

Maybe big up to DS how exciting it is to have a meal together. Can you take him to the cinema or something he enjoys, maybe with a friend?

At that age if they don’t have a lot of experience of parties they don’t seem to miss it as much.

Callamia Fri 20-Oct-17 10:47:00

I think it's a bit late to join in someone else's party, but why not have a few kids over/go out so that you do something? I don't think they mind about size, but just like seeing their friends and doing something fun.

This year we've been to a bunch of different 5 year old parties, from very large and noisy, to a handful, to just my son and the birthday child having lunch at their house. All of them suited the child, and were lots of fun.

2014newme Fri 20-Oct-17 10:48:34

Have your event afterwards.
Don't be a cf asking to share her party that she has organised and paid for!

peppaMummy Fri 20-Oct-17 10:51:25

Thanks for the quick replies, of course I'll offer to split the cost and book additional entertainers etc. but by the sound of all replies joint party might not be a good idea.

Jamhandprints Fri 20-Oct-17 10:51:33

No way, not now that she has done all the planning and work. I don't think your Ds can go really. At that age it would be too upsetting. As the other child's mum I would totally understand that.
If I were you I'd tell the other mum why you can't go and if she offers to make it a joint party then great but you can't bring up the idea at this stage. X

Knusper Fri 20-Oct-17 10:55:07

He's 5 and won't realise - if nobody else at the party knows it's his bday I'd be tempted to celebrate on the Sunday instead.

peppaMummy Fri 20-Oct-17 11:02:15

Thank you Knusper great idea~~

2014newme Fri 20-Oct-17 11:10:30

No even if you offer to pay half and book an entertainer it's still rude to ask her to make her child's party a joint one at the late stage. She has done, the planning, organising, catering, party bags, booking the venue, cake and may well have an entertainer already. She's sent the invites out from her child. No way should you ask fir her to make it your child's party too that's outrageous.
My dds friend has her birthday the day before, me and mum always agree what dates they are having their parties.
Also, it's not true you have not had time to organise a party, you've had a whole year it's not a surprise! It's a real shame for your son you did not get round to it but there we are.

Ricekrispie22 Fri 20-Oct-17 11:11:11

Does anybody going to the party know it's his birthday? Is he likely to blurt it out? If they don't know but find out from your son, they could feel very awkward!

peppaMummy Fri 20-Oct-17 11:46:22

2014newmum that's uncalled for!

peppaMummy Fri 20-Oct-17 11:47:54

Parents don't owe their children birthday parties, I'm asking how best to avoid upsetting everyone.

peppaMummy Fri 20-Oct-17 11:50:34

Typo: just trying not to upset anyone

2014newme Fri 20-Oct-17 11:59:06

Well just tell your son that parents don't owe their children birth parties then 🙄

mindutopia Fri 20-Oct-17 12:59:21

I would just plan to do whatever you were going to do, but do it on the other day. Or talk to your ds about it, ask him if he would rather go to his friends' party on his birthday or have his own celebration at home with family or other friends (whatever you were going to do before this). Or opt to do a bigger party with friends but on a different day/weekend so as not to create a conflict.

I would not try to join in to the other party. I think that's fine when you are good friends with the family and it's planned in advance, but it sounds cheeky now. I know I would be really offended if someone did this after I organised everything and it would make things really awkward. Totally different if your families are close anyway and you'd talked about it beforehand, but I think the time for that has passed as invites have gone out. Really though I think your ds is the best person to ask about what he wants to do and then just follow his lead.

This year my dd's 5th birthday is basically the weekend her new baby brother is due. We plan to have a small family celebration (literally the 3 of us, 4 of us if baby has arrived by then, no other family invited, they all live to far away to just come in for the day) with cake and a few gifts. But her actual birthday party will be about 4-6 weeks later. I truly cannot plan a birthday party not knowing if I might be in labour or with a day old baby. Also, we have family who would travel in for it and that is equally not possible when I might go into labour at any moment. The last thing I need is houseguests to cook and clean for! So they'll come later and we'll make a special day for her with her friends that is just about her later, so as not to have it overshadowed (or potentially cancelled) by baby's arrival.

Andtheresaw Fri 20-Oct-17 13:04:03

He's 5: celebrate his Birthday on the Sunday and invite the other boy to a early morning cinema and lunch thing. Then do family cake later in the afternoon.
At the party on the Saturday compliment the organised Mum, say that your DS's birthday is this weekend too and would she be interested in something joint for next year if the boys are still good friends?

clippityclop Fri 20-Oct-17 13:12:55

The sooner he learns that birthday parties are a 'moveable feast' the better. Our dd shares a birthday with one of her best friends. We always make the morning special of course, have a special dinner and a family party during the weekend afterwards. The party for school friends can be any time, either after school, at the weekend, the following weekend or whenever suits ourselves and the other family. It makes the fun last longer!

Judyinreallife Fri 20-Oct-17 21:36:05

This happened when my son was younger....think he was about 7. He got invited to a party on what was my sons birthday and it wasn't even a close friend. We asked him what he wanted to do and he wanted to go because all his school friends were going. He was old enough though for me to explain not to make a big deal about it being his own birthday and we just celebrated the next day instead with family and a friend of his. He never felt hard done by and just had a great weekend. Hopefuly your boy will be the same. Don't beat yourself up. I don't throw my kids parties every year and they don't mind. My oldest prefers a day out. We always make it special in some other way, favourite dinner, day out etc.

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