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Teacher visit in two weeks time, would you tell her about a sad event that DS might talk about in school?

(14 Posts)
SleepFreeZone Sat 26-Aug-17 20:29:34

We found out this week that I need to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons. I am in the second trimester and starting to show so he does rub my belly to try and make the baby better.

He has seen me crying an awful lot this week and has been crying a lot at his holiday club. I have tried to explain in simple terms what's going on but I don't think I'll be able to have the surgery until either the end of this week or the following week. So it's going to be quite fresh when the teacher comes round.

I am worried I will cry if I try and talk about it with her so I guess I'd rather not mention it. But I do wonder if DS might be particularly upset with me leaving him and perhaps they ought to know.

OP’s posts: |
Gizlotsmum Sat 26-Aug-17 20:32:02

I would tell them. If you feel you will be too emotional could you pass her a note/ email the school? So sorry you are going through this

missyB1 Sat 26-Aug-17 20:32:41

So sorry you are going through this flowers
I think I probably would tell them just because your ds might well mention it himself. Don't worry about crying no one will mind they will just want to sympathise.

SleepFreeZone Sat 26-Aug-17 20:35:02

I guess I might have the option to pass a note to reception at the start of school if I feel I can't talk about it. I just want them to cut him a bit of slack as he's usually amazingly resilient but was a total mess at holiday club this week and surprised me.

OP’s posts: |
Callamia Sat 26-Aug-17 20:35:22

I'm really sorry.

I think I'd drop the school a note before the teacher comes over. They can arrange a visit for a time/day that really works for you, and also be prepared for you feeling fragile. Don't worry a bit about crying - who wouldn't? Everyone will be firmly on your side and want to support you and your son.

Yellowheart Sat 26-Aug-17 20:35:33

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been through this too. I would speak to ARC, they're absolutely amazing and will give you great advice x

MsAwesomeDragon Sat 26-Aug-17 20:36:05

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

Yes, I would mention it. Tell the teacher what your ds knows, so that you're all giving him the same age appropriate help. He will probably mention it at school and it's easier for the teacher to help him if she knows what's happening before he tells her. I'm sure she'll be very understanding.

If you are worried about crying at her, or not wanting to say too much while your ds is around, how about writing it down and giving it to her when she visits, so she knows, and can keep an eye on ds without you needing to say it out loud.

SuburbanRhonda Sat 26-Aug-17 20:36:17

Yes, do tell them. I work in family support in a primary school and although I know it's hard for families to share things with virtual strangers, it helps us to support your child without them having to explain everything when they're upset.

I'm sorry you're all having to go through this.

SleepFreeZone Sat 26-Aug-17 20:40:13

God it's so difficult. I'm tearing up just thinking about trying to be strong at the meeting. I haven't cried for a couple of days and don't want my son to see me upset infront of his teacher.

I think I will email Reception once school reconvenes and say that there has been a bereavement that might affect DS. If they dig for more info I'll give s brief outline but maybe that will be enough.

OP’s posts: |
Introvertedbuthappy Sat 26-Aug-17 21:50:46

Please let your son's teacher know the details of the situation, it will really help. Many years ago I taught a wee boy whose Mum had sadly had a baby born sleeping in the summer before starting. She thankfully told me the situation and it meant that, on week 3 when another girl in my class started gleefully telling everyone at news time about how her Mummy was having a baby I was able to quickly ask her to stop for a second while I chose a "very responsible helper" to deliver a message for me. I was then able to hear her story and celebrate her news, while ensuring the boy was saved from having to hear it while it was all still so raw. Also, knowing the circumstances I was really vigilant about books for story time etc, which can often have babies in them. I would have felt absolutely awful at unwittingly triggering a child's upset.

I am so so sorry about what you are going through flowers

SuburbanRhonda Sat 26-Aug-17 21:58:45

Also, many of us in schools have had training from the excellent charity Child Bereavement - so if your son's school staff have had anything similar, they will be there to support him when he needs it.

vinoandbrie Sat 26-Aug-17 22:45:31

Bless you, I am so sorry to hear your news.

I have no experience but would urge you, if you can face it, to email school now and provide the outline of this saddest of situations, in order to ensure that they support your dear boy to the best possible standard when he starts at school.

Thinking of you flowers

Paddington68 Sun 27-Aug-17 08:29:45

Don't wait for school to start. Send a note to the school and then the teacher is aware before school madness starts and she has a hundred different things to think about.
Sorry to hear your news.

RueDeWakening Tue 29-Aug-17 16:40:28

Definitely tell her - my DS1 is a surviving triplet, and we told his teacher when she visited, just in case it came up in class. DS1 has always been aware of it and although it's not something he refers to often, sods law says he would do so at school.

Also, the first topic at our school in Reception is always "All about me" and looks at similarities and differences - in family circumstances, appearance, etc etc - so it's useful for the teacher to know ahead of time so they can be sensitive in their approach to things.

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