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My son was attacked by a boy in his class. What do I write to the school?

(32 Posts)
Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 01:47:01

Important info: I AM NOT IN UK. We're living overseas in a country with similar rules and cultural norms, but exact UK policy doesn't apply.

My son is 9. The other boy is 10 or 11. He is quite a big boy.

There's a boy in my son's class who has anger issues. At least once a week he explodes into violence (verbal and physical). He swears, throws things, kicks, punches, full on volcanic anger directed at anyone around him. all the teacher can do is try to move the other children out of his way when it happens. Last week something upset him and the whole class were shepherded outside and waited in the playground while the boy trashed the classroom, throwing volleyballs at the windows, kicking over tables, ripping all the work from the walls. Everyone in the class has to be aware and walk on eggshells so as to try not to provoke the boy.

This week, my son reached for a football at the same time as this boy, there was a brief scuffle, and then this boy had one of his episodes. He was screaming foul language and threats at my son and trying to get to him. This went on for 5 minutes or so. The other children in the class made a wall around my son to protect him and the boy didn't manage to get to my son. Eventually the boy stormed off. My son was very shaken, but physically unhurt.

Obviously this little boy needs more support than he is currently getting. My son's teacher asked me to write to the school about the incident, because everything they can add to the file will help them to get this little boy the help he needs.

My question to wise mumsnetters, is what do I write? Do any of you have thoughts or experience on what kind of angle will be of most use in this situation? I just want my children to feel safe at school, and the way for that to happen is for this little boy to get the help he needs.

Not sure if relevant, but I'm not very happy with the school anyway. We've only been at the school for 3 months. My daughter was attacked a couple of weeks ago by a girl in another class and the school did very little to support my daughter. My son was punched in the playground by a boy he doesn't know, and I had to chase up twice before they did anything about it, and even then we were told the boy had been spoken to, but my son did not get an apology or anything. My youngest has had 3 different teachers plus various subs in the time she's been there.

Ginfiend Sun 13-Aug-17 01:49:32

firstly- why is your son in the same class as a child two years older?

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 01:50:37

Because there are only 3 classes in the school and different years are put together.

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 01:52:26

Class A: 5 and 6 yr olds.
Class B: 6, 7, 8 and 9 yr olds
Class C: 9, 10 and 11 yr olds.

Ds was in class B but he's doing well academically so they moved him up at the last reshuffle.

CremeFresh Sun 13-Aug-17 01:54:01

Did you actually witness the boy trying to attack your son ? Normally the school ask the kids to write what happened . I would think they've got enough evidence without a letter
from you . I'd just write what you've written here and then look to change schools- it sounds horrendous.

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 01:56:38

I didn't witness it.
I only heard about it from everyone else (including my daughter who's 11 and in the same class as my son).
There will be no followup at all from the school if I don't write a letter. My son will not be asked to give his version of events. Nothing will happen.

I wish I could move them.

CremeFresh Sun 13-Aug-17 02:06:06

If you didn't witness it then surely it's just hearsay .

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 02:17:27

I'm not really sure what you mean Creme.

20 children and 2 members of staff saw it happen. I wasn't there, but my involvement is that it happened to my son.

I am going to contact the school about it. I am asking advice on what I should say in my email.

Firefries Sun 13-Aug-17 02:19:32

Ask the school for feedback. Say this is what I've heard happened and say you'd like a response. They should act on it and get back to you with what happened. If something did happen then you need to let the school know your son doesn't feel safe in that environment then ask them what they will do about it. The school are responsible to put something in place to keep everyone safe and learning. I imagine the teacher wants this recorded by you so they have something more to act on. The school and board will have to take notice and take action if you raise this with them officially.

HorridHenryrule Sun 13-Aug-17 02:19:43

Why would the op witness it for she is of the opinion that he is left in a safe pair of hands. If I was you I would start worrying about your sons progress moving forward. Are you paying for him to attend the school?

Yes you should support the school but what about your children. They are being told to leave there seat of learning because they are struggling to handle one child. I'd the child's mother around?

HorridHenryrule Sun 13-Aug-17 02:20:51


GreenTulips Sun 13-Aug-17 02:25:13

Get a copy of the anti bullying policy complaints procedure and behaviour policy

State what happened - DS explained DS felt threatened - DS witnessed
DS has not been given any suppprt following the incident
DS feels unsafe

School have a Duty of care towards all the children

DO NOT write anything negative about the boy - it goes on his file and his parents are allowed to read it all -

State only your sons feelings and welfare and the schools lack of action or response to DS trauma

GreenTulips Sun 13-Aug-17 02:26:09

Mention the distruption to the children's education lessons etc

CremeFresh Sun 13-Aug-17 02:27:12

Op , I was just thinking that the school would maybe want an eyewitness account , but I understand that you can obviously write it from what your son says.

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 02:48:59

Okay. Just a neutral letter explaining what I heard happened, how my son feels, and asking the school how they intend to deal with it. Right? And ask for a copy of their bullying policy.

I don't feel negatively about the little boy. He is obviously not happy, or not coping in some way. He needs better support. At the same time, I want my children to feel safe, to be happy, and to be able to learn at school. At the moment I don't feel any of those things are true. I am not sure if the school are doing everything they can, or not. I think the classroom teachers are fantastic and manage in very difficult circumstances (there are three extremely disruptive children in this one class alone). I want to wave my arms about a bit to see if upper management are aware and taking what action they can. I suspect they are not, but perhaps I'm wrong.

differentnameforthis Sun 13-Aug-17 03:05:57

The other children in the class made a wall around my son to protect him and the boy didn't manage to get to my son. make sure you say that this is an unacceptable practice. Another child could have got hurt while this lad was trying to get to your son.

Your attitude toward the other boy is refreshing, you can see he needs help, you aren't demonising him etc.

The school appear to be failing on many fronts if this isn't your first issue 3mths in.

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 04:13:54

How's this:

Dear xxxxx,

I am writing to follow up on an incident during school time between my son xxxxxxx and another boy in his class, Y.

My understanding is that xxxxxxx and Y reached for a ball at the same time and both tried to hold on to the ball. Y lost his temper with xxxxxx, and began shouting obscenities, making threats to kill xxxxxx, and was extremely intimidating in his body language. His reaction was far outside the normal scope of schoolyard interaction. The other children in the class made a wall between the two boys to protect xxxxx from Y. xxxxxxx felt very scared while it was happening, and continues to feel frightened of Y after the event. xxxxxxx felt unable to go into his classroom to collect his bag at the end of the day in case Y was there, and unable to drink from the school water fountain until Y had left the area.

I would like to know how the school intends to follow up on this incident.

Could I please also request a copy of the school's anti-bullying behavior policy and procedure document?

From my children I understand that this is not an isolated incident, and that every day in class involves treading on eggshells so as not to provoke an episode of temper from Y. Does the school have plans to put in place the support that Y clearly needs? Because of this ever-present threat of a violent outburst from their classmate, my children both tell me that school is not a place they feel safe, happy, or able to learn.

I look forward to your thoughts, and would be happy to speak in person any day after school this week.

With kind regards,

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 06:42:09

Okay. I realise you're all asleep right now (I'm in the southern hemisphere so it's daytime).

I sent the email. Took out the line about "the support that Y clearly needs" - not my business to make that judgement. And I added a list of all the incidents of violence, threat, obscenity and intimidation my children have experienced in their three months at the school "as a matter of record".

CremeFresh Sun 13-Aug-17 09:03:01

That sounds good Op, I hope the school takes the appropriate action and deals with this for all the children's sake X

GreenTulips Sun 13-Aug-17 09:29:37

I'd like to add -

Children are natural tell tales. They generally run and get a grown up to deal with these situations.

When they have learnt grown ups don't help - they step in and do it themselves - in this case forming a wall around your son - there instinct was to protect him

Please talk to your son a liar how lucky he is to have classmates who did this --

The school is failing if the children feel they have to procreation themselves because a grown up refuses to deal with things properly

GreenTulips Sun 13-Aug-17 09:29:46

Great email -

tartanterror Sun 13-Aug-17 09:31:40

Oh dear OP that sounds terrible. Both for your DS and the child who is clearly struggling. I can't believe the school haven't put any support in place or sourced an alternative placement with specialist care. I hope this is sorted out soon for all concerned. Parents, Staff and Pupils will be traumatised by this

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed Sun 13-Aug-17 09:50:01

Tulips that's a very good point. These children are being failed by the adults around them. I will have that point in my arsenal when I am inevitably told that it was GREAT that the children formed a protective wall around ds to protect him from Y.

GreenTulips Sun 13-Aug-17 09:58:57

The policies should have a time line - or we will follow up on writing in 5 days/arrange a meeting

If you have a meeting please follow up in writing

So there's a paper at trail

...where we agreed X would happen and a review in Y days

Be a pain in the arse because your son needs you to be

Witchend Sun 13-Aug-17 21:23:05

I would also get your ds to write what happened and if your dd can too (if she witnessed it). Handwritten in their own words.

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