Are friendships made in reception?

[user1489673618]

My daughter has made a friend and she is friendly to everyone. There are a core group of friends that she is on the outside of and I feel bad that she doesn't get invited to their group gatherings. I figured it is partly because the parents are friends as well. Do friendships change over the course at primary school? I was always an outsider at primary school and it really effected me. When children have more control do they make different friends? Or will she remain on the edge of the group? x

[Ohyesiam]

Yes, they change lots. And just when it gets settled, someone new comes and does the old " I'm new, do I need to shake the friendships up and behave a little badly " routine.
But seriously, unless there's nastiness going on, these things will sort themselves out. You can do a bit of orchestration though, by inviting kids over.

[IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes]

Yes they do. My DS was close friends with a girl since preschool and even though they played with group of other children they was very close. Never had play dates after school with each other. Yr1 I see friendships change a lot they not close but still friends. Next YR will be different as mixed classes up but then my DS plays with anyone.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

They definitely do change. DS is 16 now & had the same best friend in Nursery & Reception years - but then that somehow naturally changed during the course of Years 1 & 2. He was (and still is) friends with his Nursery best friend, but not to the same extent. In fact, none of his "best" mates now were at his primary school - they are all people he has met at secondary school. He hasn't fallen out with anyone, but the amount of time children spend with each friend does naturally alter over the years.

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

They change all the time!! Dd1 had a steady-ish group of friends p1- p6, then it all started to fall apart in p7, by S1 they were all over the place! Now going into S3 she has a good few different friends and just 1 or 2 from the original group (not her original "best" friend)
Dd2 has changed friendship groups several times too, now going into S1, all changing again!
Ds just seems to play with whoever is around!
Really, don't worry! It's like a strange elaborate dance where everyone swaps around. I can't keep up!

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

My DD joined in reception and had 2 friends. She's still an outsider at the end of year 5 and doesn't get invited to most parties and one friend has also left, so she has one now in the whole year. I blame myself for not being more proactive on play dates in those early years. It's a small school.

[Ameliablue]

Yes, they change lots over the course of primary. There will be some that stay friends throughout but others change.

[HeyRoly]

My DD has just finished Reception and I understand your worries. I feel like she will never be in the "popular" group of girls (and I wasn't either!) because she's too tomboyish doesn't really choose to play with girls right now!

Likewise, I feel like the playground mums (all of whom made an effort to chat to everyone during the first term at least) have branched off to form a little "popular" clique. I swear one actually grimaced at me when I arrived and smiled at her the other week

But at the moment, friendships are mainly engineered by the parents, and ultimately we don't have any control over who they make friends with. We don't have control of their personalities or who they "gel" with either

So don't worry.

[DressedCrab]

I met my best friend on our first day at infant school when we were both 4. 60 years ago and still best friends.

[Blondielongie]

Yes. I actually remember being in primary school and had a different best friend every few weeks. Every one did. Have your watched secret lives of 4 year olds? You see how friendship dynamics change there.
Sometime kids become best friends for strange reasons like having the same snack at lunch or having a similar toy.

Saying that my best friend now is someone I met in nursery!! That's my whole life!

[user1489673618]

Thanks all! I would love her to have a group of friends to see her through life!! x

[user1489673618]

My dd is very much friends with whoever played with her at lunchtime but I worry the girls friendship groups have become a little more sophisticated this year and my dd doesn't get it. As long as she has friends I am happy but I used to really want to be friends with the popular girls and was devastated when I was rejected by them!!

[jamdonut]

The ' popular' kids are always the ones with parents who are good friends.
Sometimes though, and we see this in school, the children who spend a lot of time together outside school because their parents are friends, can't actually stand each other, and do anything not to be together!

It may be that in reception they make a friend for life, but it is by no means a foregone conclusion. Much better to encourage a wide circle of friends than having 'best' friends, if not for any other reason than the fall-out when these friendships crumble can be quite bewildering for children.(and the parents!).
My DD is 20 and only now has found 2 'best friends' ,who go everywhere and do everything together, whilst she is at university. She never had such close friendships at school.

[Hassled]

My oldest DC made 2 good friends in Reception and they were just always friends - they did their gap year travels together, still meet up now post-university. It's lovely. But none of my other DCs had the same experience - their friendships all changed much more regularly throughout school. As children mature and change what they want from a friend changes - don't worry about your DD; they're all still learning social skills.

[Janika]

My 2 (21 and 19) still best friends with their reception buddies. See each other every day!

[GreenTulips]

because their parents are friends, can't actually stand each other, and do anything not to be together!

I agree with this! These are the parents of 'besties' and give the children the message that therefore they must play and socialise the together amd don't get a say

Parents are them belwildered when the kids branch out at high school

Don't look for a 'bestie' let her play with who ever she wants - you won't break the circle of friends and DD will feel left out as they get older -

Can she move class? Some parents don't do this to their kids

[Ktown]

No
Mine flits about and I encourage her to be friends with whoever. I also don't book many play dates due to work.
I think girls would do well if their mothers avoid pushing close friendships. Boys are less fixated by this.

[GreenTulips]

I think girls would do well if their mothers avoid pushing close friendships. Boys are less fixated by this

Amen!

[GreenTulips]

My sons best friends consist of a group of 6 punctuated by the old interloper - they all accept and play with whoever is there - they aren't jeleous if X sleeps over with Y or z gets an invite - just casually bump along - son much easier

[trilbydoll]

Dd1 has just finished preschool and I think at this age you can definitely tell kids who have spent the most time together, either because they've been at nursery full time or their parents are friends. I'm hoping that all being at school 5 days a week will smooth it out a bit iyswim? Having said that, my antisocial daughter is more than happy in the book corner on her own, so who knows if she'll make an effort or not?!

[user1489673618]

She goes to a one form entry school. I am wondering if friendships might changed next year when / if they are grouped for ability.

[ProfYaffle]

ime, no, friendships aren't set in reception. Both my dd's flitted around a fair bit until about yr 4/5ish which is when they developed a more defined friendship group.

Then High School comes along and upends everything all over again!

[mrz]

Friends made in reception can be lifelong or fleeting there's simply no way to know.
My grown up daughter was chief brides made for her best friend since reception and will be godmother to her baby later this year. This is despite going to different secondary schools.

[AlpacaLypse]

All you can do is continue to facilitate friendships. Be a welcoming place to hang out after school for playdates. They'll sort it out as they go along. Mine are 18 now and looking at a list of people they see and talk about regularly the friendships run from another pair of twins who we first all met at antenatal through to girls who didn't join the gang until sixth form.

[SaturnUranus]

DD has just finished primary school.

Out of the children that she ended up closest to by the end of it, there's:

• One girl that she was friends with at preschool and in Reception, and then stayed good friends with throughout. (I only know her parents to say hello to, so definitely not influenced by us).
  

• Two girls who had been with her since Reception but they only really became good friends in Year 4. I'm not sure what changed but they really bonded that year.
  

• One girl who she'd been with since Reception but they'd become good friends in Year 5. They'd both developed a love of sports that year, and I think there were a few sports events that they'd been picked for together.
  

• A couple of girls who had only started at the school when they were in Yr3 and Yr4.
  

If you'd asked me at the end of Reception to predict who DD's closest friends would be at the end of Yr6, I would have got most of them wrong.