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Do I say something?

(32 Posts)
fudgecat Fri 14-Jul-17 21:23:34

DS in his first year of school, seems to have been going well, no major issues. Each week the teacher gives a "star pupil" award on a friday, today was the last friday and therefore the last opportunity for DS to "get his turn" and yet again nothing. I know its not a real award as such but I was under the impression that everyone had a turn and I just feel so sad for DS. Do I say anything to the teacher next week to ask if there was a reason or do I just keep quiet?

OP’s posts: |
rabaria Fri 14-Jul-17 21:32:49

Is your DS upset about it? If not, I would just let it go rather than risk making it an issue

Wolfiefan Fri 14-Jul-17 21:36:56

Surely it's not an "everyone has a turn" thing? It's the teacher awarding a child who worked hardest or was kindest or whatever that week?

Wondermoomin Fri 14-Jul-17 21:40:00

Oh god don't be "that parent". It's not a turn-taking thing, it's based on effort/merit/perseverance etc.

fudgecat Fri 14-Jul-17 21:45:47

They are only 4/5 year olds :-(

OP’s posts: |
Whatawaytomakealiving Fri 14-Jul-17 21:49:59

And even at 4/5 are able to live up to expectations set of them. Does your son understand what efforts he needs to make to be the 'star' pupil? Is he doing this?

Tulipvase Fri 14-Jul-17 21:50:49

I would have a gentle word. In our school it is based on something that the child has done, but they make sure everyone is selected at least once. I expect it is an oversight and the teacher will be happy to rectify.

Tulipvase Fri 14-Jul-17 21:52:48

Just to add there is a separate reward too that is entirely based on merit/behaviour etc.

Raaaaaah Fri 14-Jul-17 21:55:25

Our school and most others I know of take it in turns so that everyone gets a go. So yes for lots of schools it is a turn taking thing. The idea is that there is something to praise in every child, they don't need to fulfill some preconceived criteria. Have you noticed that every other child in the class has received one. Our lovely teachers wouldn't want to miss someone out especially in yr R. I don't think you are being THAT parent at all and I say that as a mother of three who rarely approaches the teachers.

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 14-Jul-17 21:56:49

Has DS said anything? If not I wouldn't bother, but if DS is upset I would.

Our lovely teachers would be mortified if a child had missed out & it would have been a mistake (ticked the wrong name as having had it or something) and would FAR prefer to be told about it than not.

ANY decent teacher working with 4 year olds would not miss one out. If a teacher can't find one nice thing to say about a child in an entire year, they shouldn't be teaching. (In reply to some of the responses, not your DS, I'm sure he's lovely).

fudgecat Fri 14-Jul-17 21:58:37

Thanks tulipvase that was my understanding of how it worked in my DS school too. A bit like being "chosen" to have the class mascot for the weekend, just something to make them proud of themselves and to boost their self esteem

OP’s posts: |
Migraleve Fri 14-Jul-17 21:58:48

Oh dear. And when he doesn't get an award when he is 15 will you pop into school and demand the teachers hands him one?

fudgecat Fri 14-Jul-17 22:22:11

migraleve at no point have I been "demanding" anything. I suspect that he has been missed in error but would like advice on if/how to deal with this likely oversight without being viewed as "that parent"

OP’s posts: |
Migraleve Fri 14-Jul-17 22:22:38

Oh calm down

Tilapia Fri 14-Jul-17 22:24:27

YANBU to be a bit sad - I agree that each child should have a turn. Personally I wouldn't bother saying anything to the teacher though. It's just life!

Wondermoomin Fri 14-Jul-17 22:26:16

Well this is clearly bothering YOU (you haven't mentioned if it's bothering your son) so if you do decide to raise it with the teacher please consider your approach...

You'd be doing your son a disservice by simply telling the teacher he hasn't "had his turn" and thus ensuring he "gets his turn" for whatever the teacher finds. On the other hand, you could ask the teacher for some guidance as to how your son could achieve star pupil and help him to see how to work towards it.

My daughter was desperate to get a reading award - there are 2/3 each week, she never got it but some pupils used to get it several times over. I didn't speak to the teacher about it, I helped my daughter to make an extra special effort to earn it (and she did).

Have a think about the process and outcome you want. Making a fuss so your son gets his turn is not necessarily the best option.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Fri 14-Jul-17 22:33:10

We had this with dd, always overlooked until she suddenly started being naughty. Teacher called me over because it was unusual for her. We quizzed her and she announced 'well I really want to get the class teddy bear because everyone else has had it and some people have had it twice and I haven't had it at all. I saw that it is often given to naughty children who have been good that week so I thought that I would be naughty for a while and then good so that I can get the teddy bear next weekend.' They may be 5 but they aren't daft. Teddy bear duly given to her once she had been good again. I would mention it to the teacher if your son has noticed.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Fri 14-Jul-17 22:34:48

Oh and in her case they were all supposed to have a turn but they had just forgotten about her.

UpYouGo Fri 14-Jul-17 22:41:14

I would definitely mention it, I'd be surprised if it wasn't a mistake.

It's 'Star Pupil' there isn't a strict criteria that a child must meet to obtain this prestigious award hmm The children are 4/5yo the point is to award their achievements, not make them feel like shit.

If they don't give him one OP make your own certificate and tell him how proud you are.

UpYouGo Fri 14-Jul-17 22:47:49

That should read *reward their achievements

UnaPalomaBlanca Fri 14-Jul-17 22:50:50

I think it would be entirely reasonable to ask the teacher how the award/ reward system operates. (As others have said, it is very common in infant schools that every pupil receives the award at least once, so it is possible that your child has been overlooked.) This does not make you 'that parent' in any shape or form.

londonista Fri 14-Jul-17 22:56:48

I would mention it OP, if your son is upset. At that age, sounds like an oversight.

Although I have to say, in our school lots of the parents are secretly happy if their child is missed as they are renowned for being given as rewards for good behaviour from the kids that are normally awful. So it probably means the teacher loves him!! wink

Bluefrog26 Fri 14-Jul-17 23:04:26

This happened to my daughter in the last year of nursery, she did notice and came home sad a couple of times because once again she didn't get star child.
I asked the teacher what it was based on and how I could help her achieve it, low and behold a couple of weeks later she won it!
I don't think she did anything different but it really boosted her confidence to know her teacher rated her.

Wolfiefan Fri 14-Jul-17 23:13:09

Sorry OP but "no major issues" doesn't make it sound like he's really working his hardest at being the star of the week. It's a bit late in the term now. Perhaps next year consider how he can do his best to be the star and raise it with the teacher earlier in the year if he's bothered.

brilliotic Fri 14-Jul-17 23:27:33

Yes, DS was frequently lauded for his exemplary behaviour and attitude towards learning, but missed out on the weekly behaviour/attitude award for the entirety of Y1 (they didn't have this system when he was in reception). In Y2 he received it once, towards the end of the summer term.

He did notice when children began to get it for a second time in Y1, and brought it up. We had quite a few conversations (over a lengthy period of 12 months or so) about these awards not really mattering, that his good behaviour was a reward in itself, that he didn't behave well in order to achieve an award but because it is the right thing to do, and that some children find it really hard to behave so such awards might help them whereas it is relatively easy for him so doesn't need to be rewarded. We also determined that his teachers, and the HT, did 'notice' and appreciate his good behaviour, regardless of him not gaining the award.

I thought he was emotionally mature enough to 'get' it and not be bothered.

But his obvious pride and joy when he finally received the award (when it was finally 'his turn') after nearly two years of watching each of his classmates receiving it at least twice, showed me that he had been more bothered than I had realised!

Yes in Infants such awards are often given out 'in turn', and sometimes a child is missed by accident; and often they are used for behaviour management in a way that causes the consistently well behaved, quiet children to be easily forgotten. Either way, it wouldn't be wrong to have a friendly chat with the teacher. But perhaps it is a little late this year? Maybe you could approach the new teacher early on in September, explain that your child didn't win the award at all last year, and is very keen to do whatever it takes to achieve it now, and ask what they should focus on to do that.

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