Do I speak to the teacher (I want to)

[sheepashwap]

DS(5) has a friend who is "boisterous" and can be mean. He wanted to share the toilet cubicle with DS on Friday. DS wasn't happy and tried to get him out. It didn't work. So DS was peeing and "friend" took toilet paper, put it in the urine streak then put it on DS face.

At this point I should say that I witnessed something similar in my childhood at home so I find this a bit triggering, which is what makes me unsure about what to do - can't tell if I'm overreacting or not.

So DS was very disturbed by this on Friday. He told his teacher and she told the friend to apologise and then hug DS. The fact that he volunteered this about his day, combined with how he told it, made it clear he wasn't satisfied by the "apology".

I want to speak to the teacher about this and some other concerns I have about the dynamics with this boy. But am I overreacting about this? The teacher was told and dealt with it.

[MerryMarigold]

I think you definitely need to speak to teacher. Even if just to confirm that what she knows what you know.

[catkind]

Eugh, your poor DS, that's really gross. I hope the teacher helped him to wash his face too. I think you'd be reasonable to speak to them. Not about the consequence for the other child (not your business) but about how they will make sure nothing like that happens to your DS again.

Not at all sure about the enforced hugging either. I can't imagine my DC would want a hug from someone who's just deliberately done something that horrible to them. Unless the teacher thought it was somehow accidental?

[Wolfiefan]

That's not boisterous. It's completely unacceptable. I would definitely have a word.

[JoyceDivision]

Definately speak to teacher. I hate thisxenforced hud / handshake thing... if a child has hurt another child and all they have to do is shake hands or hug it's hardly an inxentive to stop them from repeating their behaviour in the future!

[redcaryellowcar]

Speak to the teacher, make sure that they are putting steps in place to properly supervise children, especially this one who has behaved so terribly. You should be reassured that this will not be allowed to happen again, if you aren't, escalate to head of key stage or year or deputy or head teacher?

[Trifleorbust]

I think this needs to be followed up properly. Not necessarily a massive issue, but the other child needs to understand at the very least that his actions were extremely inappropriate.

[sheepashwap]

Thank you. Will definitely arrange to speak to her.

And yes - will discuss it from our issues, not what's happening with other boy. I always read that on MN and have advised to friends, but when it comes to my own situation, I was definitely going to forget!!

[2014newme]

Ffs yes. It makes me cross when parents fail to act in scenarios like this 🙄🙄🙄 if you won't stick up for your child who will op?

[sheepashwap]

Well I usually do, but if you read my post then you'd have seen that this touches on a raw nerve for me, which has made me doubt myself.

Traumatic events in childhood often do that to people.

[2014newme]

Really 🙄🙄 you don't know if you're over reacting?!?!?! I think you know you aren't. Otherwise you need help.
. Speak to the teacher.

[SternlyVoice]

I am so sorry to hear what's happened to your DS and that it has hit a raw nerve with you as well. I hope, that by speaking to his teacher, they become fully aware of what happened, understand how it made your DS feel so that behaviour like that won't be tolerated, and that you get the reassurance you need that this will never happen again.