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Emotional intelligence and maybe getting tough

(3 Posts)
craigslittleangel Mon 15-May-17 20:09:47

My eldest daughter is in Year 1. She moved to her current Primary school just after Christmas (preferred the teaching, ethos and environment at this school). She has always struggled a little with friends: not always making them, but maintaining healthy relationships. At her current school she has come home and said that she has been lonely as she hadn't played with anyone. And that although she asked groups they have said no. Both her dad and I have really worked with her on this and making it clear that she needs to put a little more effort in then others. However she can be a tad bossy and over bearing and I'm afraid the class have already tagged her as bossy. But she is also loyal, loving a feels things deeply.
Today she tells me that she found herself trapped in a game she did not want to be in and got very angry. She didn't lash out, but she just wanted to scream. When she was telling the story she was clenching her fists and looked angry. (THE class room teacher was told and it's clear had dealt with the matter)
Even at nursery, it was clear that she didn't quite know what to do when others wanted to do something different and I think that's where her bossyness really asserted itself.
At home, if her siblings want to play something different she tells me they want to play something else and finds it hard to compromise unless really pushed.
As I said, she feels things very deeply but is always the first to comfort and defend others. She is also a people pleaser and hates to upset teachers or adults.
I wandering really, after a little research, if I need to boost her emotional intelligence, (if that's the right phrase). But I'm bit unsure how to.I guess I'm trying to find a way to help her make friends, feel confident about herself enough that she doesn't worry about letting adults down, and to turn down the bossy aspect of her personality while adapting/ compromising. Not an easy task. Any advice?

Igletpiglet Tue 16-May-17 00:02:38

Not much advice OP, but my little girl sounds very similar. Watching with interest.
We also moved into an area where people all seemed to know each other. Was your move a wrench for her?
I must say I struggled with making mummy friendships myself and have resolved to keep trying to invite people for small playdates where I can get to know the mummy, and she the child, but we can both supervise from afar.

GuestWW Tue 16-May-17 10:15:41

My DD sounds similar but she is in Y5 now. She has got better with time, but still finds compromise very hard. I think she can be a bit clingy which I imagine is hard for the other child. Boosting confidence with out of school activities with the chance to make different friendship groups seems to help. This stops her being reliant on one set of friends or an individual.

On the plus side you say she is loving and loyal - as is mine - and these are fabulous qualities that not all children possess.

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