Teacher wouldn't let DS go to the toilet

[Louise1178]

What are the standard rules for toilet breaks in year 1?

I'm livid with the teacher as yesterday ds 5, wet himself at school. He says when he came in from lunchtime he needed a wee, but the teacher wouldn't let him go, he said he asked again after the first lesson and said he really needed to go, but she refused again. He held on until the end of the day but wet himself on the way to the toilet.
The afternoon runs for 2 and half hours with no afternoon playtime.

Would it be unreasonable to complain?

[Floggingmolly]

Why didn't he go at lunchtime?

[WhiskyIrnBru]

Erm... Because he's 5 Molly. I think you'd be well within your rights to complain poor soul.

[WhiskyIrnBru]

Erm... Because he's 5 Molly. I think you'd be well within your rights to complain poor soul.

[Louise1178]

He said he was about to go, but the bell went so he asked the teacher on the way into class instead and she wouldn't let him.

[TisapityshesaGeordie]

Ah, come on, floggingmolly, he's 6 at most. Very easy to get carried away playing and forget to go to the loo at 6.

Don't know what the standard is, OP, but I'd certainly want to have a chat with his teacher about it. Could be that he does the same thing every day and she felt she wasn't getting through to him. If it was a one-off on his part then she could have been a bit more understanding. I'd have a conversation about it, rather than go in all guns blazing.

[Ca55andraMortmain]

I'm a teacher and​ I generally say no if a child asks to go to the toilet straight after lunch. That being said, if the same child asked again a little while later or was showing obvious signs of needing the loo (doing the 'i need a wee' dance) then I would always let them go. The only thing I can think of in the teacher's defence would be that she might not have remembered that he had already asked to go when he made his second request. Still bad though. Does his teacher know that he ended up wetting himself? I wouldnt go in guns blazing but I would say that in the future I would like him to be allowed to go every time he asks to prevent this happening again.

[Mrsknackered]

Floggingmolly perhaps I'm mistaken but you are forever commenting something argumentative.

Op, I would complain. Poor thing!

[katkitkat]

When my daughter starts school I will not stand for anybody stopping her going to the toilet. Not everyone can force themselves to go during break times.

I am almost 30, and still remember wetting myself in class and subsequently being teased about it at 7 years old. The absolute arse of a teacher refused my several pleading requests to use the toilet and I literally could not hold it in.

My mum was called to leave work to bring clean underwear and clothes for me. I missed a lot of class time sat in reception, embarrassed, cold and wet. The cleaner had to take time to clear the mess up.

What a pallava and waste of everyone's time when I could have just been allowed to go for a quick wee.

An adult would not be prevented from using the toilet when at work, so why should a child who has less control?

[Ditsy1980]

At DD school they can go anytime they like in Reception but are expected to use breaks/lunch for toilet from Year 1 up.
I'm not sure what happens though if they ask repeatedly. I'd like to think that teacher would let them go.

[ASauvingnonADay]

Not ok but I'd wait until you'd spoken to the teacher to get their account, if you're intending to challenge it.

[debbieworrall]

I teach year 1 and do not let them go to the toilet during lessons. Unless he has a medical problem their is no reason why they cannot go during breaks.

[MagicalMrsMistoffelees]

I teach Reception and let children go to the toilet when they ask. The only time I say no is when I'm certain they're trying their luck (asking to go 2 seconds after their best buddy!). Be reasonable people - the feeling of needing the loo happens when it happens, you can't always plan in advance. Particularly when you're 5!

[StarHeartDiamond]

My ds's primary school lets them go during lessons. It doesn't seem to have affected their performance as a school. If you had one or two children who were obviously messing around and not really needing the loo then those children would be dealt with differently, but for the majority its fine.

If my 5yo had wet himself in the situation you describe then I would be furious. However, don't go in furious - state the situation and ask the teacher's thoughts on it. See what the response is.

[DoorwayToNorway]

As a teacher I do not understand the anxiety around going to the toilet for young children. I teach both primary and secondary. If my year 1's want water or the toilet don't deny them. My older primary and secondary students know I have a one chance rule. If you take too long or take the piss, you might be told no next time and you'll be told why. I've had to say no to piss takers. Younger children have rarely made the connection between going to toilet as a way of bunking off.

[StarHeartDiamond]

Debbie - would you feel bad if one if your year 1's wet themselves because of your rule? If they repeatedly begged you would you still say no?

[Alexandra87]

I'd go mad and I'd be telling my son in future just to walk out and go to the toilet is he's that desperate. Poor little thing must have been mortified

[RestingBitch]

Does your dc regularly ask to use the loo after break times? If so the teacher may have seen it as a time wasting activity. If he does forget to go during lunch time, have you considered a sports type watch and tell him when the number says xx:xx / set it to beep at a specific time he had to go to the loo (I.e at the end of lunch). Not sure if he's too young to grasp that concept.
I would definitely speak to the teacher and say what happened. They need to be aware of the situation.
General consensus on here is if they ask straight away tell them either wait till everyone is settled down to work, or if they ask again within a 20 minute window let them go. At 5/6 it's unfair to not let him go in such a long period of time.

[debbieworrall]

Never had a child wet themselves. They tend to go at break times as they know the answer will be no. They are certainly never allowed the first hour after a break, if after this they continued to ask I might let them go if I thought it was necessary and 5 minutes off their next break. Children with medical reasons have a note and are allowed to leave anytime

[mummc2]

My daughter is year 4 and sometimes at break there can be quite a queue for toilet and a few times she hasn't been able to go but teacher can tell who genuinely needs it and who the kids are who mess, however my eldest a few years ago was a year 5 same situation from lunch didn't have time to go and was denied in class and made herself poorly by holding it - I spoke to school a few days later and they said they had a lot of kids messing around in toilets so teacher had prevented all children unless in break time however my daughter is like a teachers pet and hence a gathered the teacher got in trouble for it!! She left end of that year too

[debbieworrall]

necessary and take 5 minutes off their next break

[Strawberrybubblebath]

Teachers do have to use their judgement sometimes as children (yes even Reception children) do ask to go to the toilet to avoid doing work or to chat to friends. By this stage in the academic year they should be used to the idea of going at breaks rather than in lessons.
At our school by this time the n the summer term we know the ones who are often trying it on and those who are still struggling with toilet training and those who are usually genuine. We mostly let children go but if it's a child who loves to mess around in the toilet or likes to avoid literacy or whose friend went 3 seconds before we generally ask them to wait but keep an eye on them for signs they actually do need to go (fidgeting, asking again, looking anxious etc) we will tell them to go. Sometimes we ask them to wait until the active teaching part has finished. Teachers have to use their judgment as like it or not plenty of kids do ask to go when they don't need to for various reasons. Even Reception kids. Lots of teaching time can be lost and the child can miss out. Not saying that was th case for OP's child as I don't know the child.

[isadoradancing123]

He is five, not fifteen, of course he should be allowed to. He was probably playing at break time and forgot to go

[ConfessorKahlan]

I teach year 5 and if a child asks straight after lunch or break then I let them go with a reminder to be quick and that they should have gone in break. If they ask in the middle of a lesson I tell them how long it is until break or home time etc and ask if they can wait. If they say no, I let them go. Most of the time they will say that the can hold on a bit longer. If it is an important part of the lesson, I might say that they can go in a few minutes after we've done whatever it is that I don't want them to miss. I might say that they can go after another child has returned. I use my professional judgement and knowledge of my pupils to make a decision in each instance.

I never absolutely tell a child no. Sometimes human bodies are not predictable and it is unfair and humiliating to be made to wet yourself. Do these teachers that refuse toilet visits really think that their pupils are concentrating on their work if they are desperte for the loo and worried about wetting themselves?

OP, I think that you need to talk to the teacher calmly and see what she has to say about the issue.

[mycavitiesareempty]

YADNBU. Challenge this stupid policy. It's a denial of basic human rights.

I have told both of mine if they are ever at the point of being desperate to just go and sod what the teacher says. Not in so many words obviously...

[Elmersnewfriend]

My DH teaches older secondary children and says he would nearly always let kids go to the toilet - apparently it's pretty obvious when kids are just messing around or trying it on.

This is actually something I would be really cross about, for gods sake a Year 1 child is 6 at the most. I can go for a wee whenever I like as an adult, i think it's pretty awful that a small child isn't given the same right.