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Teacher told my child I had complained to school

(103 Posts)
mugglebumthesecond Wed 10-May-17 20:42:04

I made a complaint to school about something that I felt was affecting my child's wellbeing and the teacher has told my child (age 10) I had complained and that's why a certain arrangement had changed.

It took a while to scrape me from the ceiling and now I don't know whether to complain again, therefore aggregating the situation or just silently fume.

I am a former teacher and understand the pressure these people are under and that teacher wellbeing is in the interest of my child, but who is she to tell my child discreet information, meant only for adults? I'm also a former governor and know I really could go nuts about this.

Where is the discretion these days angry stuck between a rock and a Hard place but livid.

HallowedMimic Wed 10-May-17 20:45:38

It depends on your complaint.

If you wanted your child moved to another class, the teacher might reasonably assume your child would be aware of you feelings.

Similarly, if you were complaining that the food at lunch was rubbish, the teacher might point out that your child is now having packed lunches for that very reason.

2014newme Wed 10-May-17 20:46:34

Can't see problem.
Why are you on the ceiling, good grief.

Oakmaiden Wed 10-May-17 20:47:40

Without knowing what your complaint was about, it is hard to say whether or not you are being unreasonable.

mugglebumthesecond Wed 10-May-17 20:48:02

Yes you're absolutely right. The situation is something like ( not exact as do t want to put) you can't sit next to so and so as your mum has complained. As in it affects other children too.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 10-May-17 20:48:23

Perhaps your child was also complaining about the new measures that had to come into force due to your complaint. If so perhaps the teacher was a bit exasperated that your child was complaining about it so let them know it was because of you and not her doing.

Perhaps you should have pre-warned your child that "new arrangement" was going to happen.

LynetteScavo Wed 10-May-17 20:49:26

Without knowing the complaint, YABU.

confused

Oakmaiden Wed 10-May-17 20:49:45

I am finding it hard, to be honest, to think of a situation where a parent asks for a situation to change but it would be inappropriate for the child to know that.

mugglebumthesecond Wed 10-May-17 20:50:00

On the ceiling as I had private meeting about my child's wellbeing and the teacher has shared information meant for adults with a 10 year old who should not In any way have to think about the issue.

Oakmaiden Wed 10-May-17 20:52:14

So you, for example, said "I don't want my darling to sit next to Tom" so the teacher moved your darling away from Tom. Your child then asked why he had been moved, and the teacher then said "because your mother asked for you to be moved". Is that about it?

I can't see why that would be a problem. Unless you are somehow ashamed of having asked or something? Most children in my class are quite straightforward about saying "My Mum says I'm not to sit near Bob".

ScarlettFreestone Wed 10-May-17 20:52:36

Of course it depends on the exact nature of the complaint, but I'm a bit surprised that you hadn't made your 10 yo aware that you were talking to the school.

Did the school know you hadn't told your child?

Squishedstrawberry4 Wed 10-May-17 20:53:57

Talk to the head. Sometimes professionals fail to keep maintain appropriate confidences.

Oakmaiden Wed 10-May-17 20:53:58

Or did she explain the reasons why as well?

Whosthemummynow Wed 10-May-17 20:55:14

They way I'm reading this is, you had an issue, which your dd knew nothing of? How could she not be aware of an issue involving herself?

irvineoneohone Wed 10-May-17 20:55:20

If you complained to school that your dc doesn't want to sit next to somebody, she/he must have complained to you in the first place?
Otherwise, why ask school/teacher? confused

mugglebumthesecond Wed 10-May-17 20:55:21

You have kind of mAde me feel better about the situation actually and helped diffuse my anger. However it's really not ok to share details of private parental meetings with children, sorry smile

Floggingmolly Wed 10-May-17 20:55:39

Why would your child be supposed to not have to think about the issue when seeking a solution to the issue was the reason you went in to complain?
You are being ridiculously ur.

stargirl1701 Wed 10-May-17 20:56:53

If your child directly asked why X change was happening, I think it is reasonable for the teacher to answer honestly. Are you suggesting she ought to have lied?

Oakmaiden Wed 10-May-17 20:59:30

Did she share the details, or did she just say "this has changed because your mum asked for it to change."

Because I would have thought that would be absolutely fine. And I would indeed expect that to happen.

If she said "your mum asked for it to change because Tom is suffering from depression and she feels a close relationship with Tom is affecting your mental health", then that is not ok.

HallowedMimic Wed 10-May-17 20:59:39

If it's something that affects your child so personally, is the child not already aware of it? And of your feelings?

The teacher almost certainly presumed you'd have discussed it as a family.

Gaelach Wed 10-May-17 20:59:58

You asked the teacher to move your child (or equivalent).
Teacher moved child.
Child asked why.
Teacher told the truth.

hmm

ArtemisiaGentilleschi Wed 10-May-17 21:02:15

So Oakmaiden is right.
You didn't want your child next to X but expected the teacher to take the blame for separating Precious from X?
You may be perfectly reasonable in not wanting X near your kid. But at 10, they are old enough to know why, and you are adult enough to own the decisions you make on your child's behalf.

sirfredfredgeorge Wed 10-May-17 21:05:13

He's 10, I think he has a right to know information held by the school about him assuming he has no SEN which might limit his understanding. By the time he's 12, he almost definately does (by statute in Scotland, but that shows how the rest of us are likely to be judged too), so I don't think you should have an expectation of privacy here, particularly if the child asked straight out "why can't I sit next to little Jonny any more?"

mugglebumthesecond Wed 10-May-17 21:06:04

*You asked the teacher to move your child (or equivalent).
Teacher moved child.
Child asked why.
Teacher told the truth. *

No the child didn't ask why, the teacher directly said we are doing this because your mum has complained. It's regarding a health issue that is ongoing and something I had asked for that was not unreasonable and they had been failing my child on. I had asked for a change in a small arrangement and child had come home embarrassed asking why I had complained. So basically I am parent and know what is best for her health, child is child and carries on being child and learning responsibility. And teacher tells child the reason for the change is not for her own wellbeing but because I have complained.

Hope this makes it clearer.

spanieleyes Wed 10-May-17 21:09:26

You might "go nuts" about it but I'm not sure why. Do you expect the teacher to lie to your child or take the blame for something you have instigated? IF the scenario is as described ( you asked the teacher to move your child away from another) then yes, you would be nuts to expect the teacher NOT to tell a 10 year old why!

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