Y1 child leaving out another child

[Whattodosue]

So, at parents evening we were told that DS has been leaving out another child in his friendship group, and encouraging other children in the friendship group to do the same.

Apparently, the children are taught in school that if they don't want to play with another child, then it is okay to say so. I know that he has issues with this boy, even thought they are friends. He does find him annoying at times (DS's word), and he has said that this other boy always wants to give him the rubbish roles in their games, or to determine how things are done, and my DS doesn't agree. My assumption is that they both like to be reasonably dominant in their circle of friends. However, clearly this is becoming a problem as my DS has developed a way of managing this issue which is totally not acceptable, and which isn't kind. They apparently still get on within the classroom, but I want to work on reversing the playground behaviour.

We are going to talk to him, about the fact that he can choose not to play with the other boy, but what my DS can't do is then expect to play a big group game. If they are playing group games, then everyone needs to be included. If they are playing in pairs, or smaller groups, that is okay. But, although I can tell him this, I think it would be good to try and develop his sense of compassion or empathy. Any suggestions on how to develop this in a KS1 boys? Thanks!

[ilovetosleep]

Watching with interest - similar problem here!

[NorthumbrianGirl]

Our rule is that you can't ban someone from joining in a game unless they are deliberately ruining the game. Also that you have to be kind.

I think it's a young age to be deciding that they never want to play with a specific classmate, better to be encouraging an effort to rub along at least sometimes.

[Campfiresmoke]

Encourage him to always be kind and think of other children's feelings. Ask him how he might feel if he were excluded from the group.

[CassandraAusten]

It's hard for him at this age to understand what is acceptable and what isn't. Could you try using role play to help him identify what falls into each category?

[WorriedandWorried]

We have this with our year 2 son
It's awful for him and us to see
How did you become aware of it?

[Whattodosue]

In response to how we found out, the teacher told us. I have since talked to the mum. They both think it is fairly standard school kids stuff, but that doesn't make it right or acceptable. It is hard to be able to deal with it after the point.

They were all at a party today, and DS's friend A said DS was being mean. DS said that the boy had knocked a sweet out of his hand and had trodden on it. But then, gathering the back story, DS had given a sweet to his friend B, and Friend A had asked for one and DS had said no. Long and short was that I talked to DS about why the boy was upset and said he should go offer him a sweet, as a sorry. DS didn't want to and gave me a long explanation about why he hadn't wanted to give Friend A a sweet (apparently he had had more than Friend B). I told DS to explain this to Friend A, if he wouldn't give him a sweet. DS then told me I had to go away while he talked to the boy. I insisted on loitering just a bit away and what DS actually did was to go and give friend A a sweet. I am hoping this was a step in the right direction.

I think DS does kind of understand if it is explained but he finds it hard to admit really what his behaviour is, and what the actual impact it.