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Moving schools...again?

(60 Posts)
Gaggleofgirls Sun 09-Apr-17 00:55:04

I'm currently feeling like the worlds worst mum. I really regret the decision to move DD schools and am contemplating moving her back.

We moved DD from a school she was perfectly happy at, she was confident and had a good group of friends, although seemingly quite bitchy.

Our reasons for moving were the class sizes, the bolshyness of her chosen friends and that this might rub off, it's a very academic school that do very little to none extra curricular (big into maths and English but little else) and that the relationship between teaching staff is visibly strained. All of which we thought may have a negative influence and DD is in CR so decided to move sooner rather than later.

We were basically sold on all these things being different in the new school to only realise the grass isn't always greener.

DD is now described as incredibly shy, will not speak in a group or with the teacher. Her literacy levels have dropped to well below what they were and the class sizes are set to double in September. -This is all from the teaching staff, at home she can still read letters/sounds just fine and is happy although perhaps not as confident as she was.

What do we do? She's only been at this school two terms but I get the distinct feeling the teacher simply doesn't like her and it's horrible to see her confidence shrinking by the day!

irvineoneohone Sun 09-Apr-17 06:42:19

What does your dd want to do? Does she like new school, or she wants to go back to old one?

Crumbs1 Sun 09-Apr-17 07:38:28

I suspect you should stop blaming the school and teachers and look closer to,home. You had a happy, confident child and you decided that wasn't good enough. You moved her and she took a confidence hit. Now you've done that perhaps you should let her settle and regain her confidence without disrupting her for no real reason? Your looking to,try and create perfection that doesn't exist.

irvineoneohone Sun 09-Apr-17 07:48:29

I think it's a bit harsh comment, Crumbs. We sometimes make mistakes, only because we are thinking of children.

Spongesecret008 Sun 09-Apr-17 07:53:01

What about moving her to another school? If you had reasons to move her from the first school would you regret moving her back there? I

Spongesecret008 Sun 09-Apr-17 07:56:29

Sorry I posted too soon. I found perfect school for my ds third time. I felt it was worth taking the risk of moving him to a third school and I was right. Nice friends, good teachers and class size. Da eventually getting the right support. But my DS did handle the moves well. He did not settle well in first school but was happy in second school. You will keep is what is best for your DD.

LIZS Sun 09-Apr-17 07:56:54

How old is your dd? She may have become more inhibited anyway and it can take a while to find a niche.

RitzyMcFee Sun 09-Apr-17 08:09:05

I think you should relax a bit. You mention her letters and sounds so I am guessing she is quite young.

There is no perfect school. They all have something . Poor leadership, no girls football team, Oxford Reading Tree, tiny playground, over subscribed, under subscribed.

Your dd may have lost her confidence a bit as she hasn't yet found her place at the new school. She will probably be getting a new teacher after the summer anyway.

Having said that, I would move her if she wanted to go back to her old school but I do think you need to stick with that and not worry or anaylise the school or her friends so much.

Gaggleofgirls Sun 09-Apr-17 09:27:17

Thanks, already feel shitty enough about moving her away from friends. The reason for moving back was more a 'better the devil you know' situation plus she has friends there and whilst at a recent birthday party I noticed she'd gone straight back to her friends from previous school, no shyness at all. (Kids from both there)

irvineoneohone Sun 09-Apr-17 15:32:19

I think you are over thinking.
What does she wants to do? That's most important factor in this decision, imo.

You moved her because you didn't like her friends. Smaller class size means less chance for her to find like minded children. Less academic means she may not achieve like she did.

Everything become negative for you, but if you moved her without knowing what she wants, you may regret again.

If she choose to go back, at least it's her choice, and you should stick with it, even if it didn't go as you wanted.
If she wants to stay, she should, even if you think it's not a good school in your opinion.

CrazyCatzCuckoo Sun 09-Apr-17 19:35:51

How old is she?

Lowdoorinthewal1 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:40:45

Do I assume correctly that she is in YR and since September you have moved her, and are now considering moving her back?

Is the place still available at school A? They sound like they could be oversubscribed, which would make your decision for you.

Gaggleofgirls Sun 09-Apr-17 21:08:04

Yes she's in reception but did preschool and nursery in school A. Neither school are oversubscribed as far as I'm aware but yes I'd need to check.

She runs in happy as anything into school B but if asked who her friends are she'd still refer to those in school A.

We moved her when we did due to starting full time.
It's interesting how the reasons we used as positives can be seen quite easily as negatives. E.g. Smaller classes - better teacher/pupil ratio. Less academic - more well rounded, DD is still young we didn't want the sole focus to be academic achievement as opposed to music, art, sports etc especially not knowing yet what she excels at.
But yes we were concerned about the friends she'd attached herself to, I feel now perhaps it's just a case of girls finding their pecking order. (I'm the only girl out of six and not particularly girly, that stuffs always baffled me)

beautifulgirls Sun 09-Apr-17 21:18:07

It took DD over a year to really settle when she moved schools but after that she really clicked in well. Her younger sister has done two terms now having moved in September and she is still settling I think but I feel confident that she will be just fine. I would strongly advise giving it more time before making a big decision to change again. Even a return to the previous school would be unsettling over again.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:20:57

I don't think your reasons for moving her were great and I don't think your reasons for wanting to move her back are great either.

Personally I think kids need stability unless it is absolutely unavoidable. I would say you need to make a decision and then stick with it. If you go back to school A, just supplement with extra-curriculars. If you stay to school B, do some extra work with her at home. But don't keep moving her around, it isn't fair and will affect her social and academic development.

PippaFawcett Sun 09-Apr-17 21:26:42

We moved our DC last year and I am giving them a full academic year before I decide whether we did the right thing or not. Some days I think we did, others I don't!

Hockeymumof4 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:28:33

Why would a teacher not her?

Snap8TheCat Sun 09-Apr-17 21:29:52

What is CR?

Msqueen33 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:31:41

I thought you were talking about an older child not a five year old. I'd have probably stuck out her other school because I would have thought it too early to tell but now you've moved her I'd be inclined to leave her be if you're happy with the school.

Snap8TheCat Sun 09-Apr-17 21:36:03

Actually re reading it all- your Dd hasn't actually attended school A? You moved her when applying for a reception place?! She went to the nursery class there but not the actual school.

2ndSopranos Sun 09-Apr-17 21:37:52

Got to say op, if you're concerned about "bitchy" girls in reception you're in for a world of pain later...

But anyway, large classes don't necessarily mean that there's no achievement. My dc are at a huge primary school and dd1 in particular is working a year ahead - more - in some subjects. All the teachers know all the children and it has an amazing community feel.

You need to make a final decision and stick to it. There will be something you don't like about any school you pick and your dd needs stability as well as resilience. Dd1 doesn't like her teacher this year. Did I contemplate moving her? Of course not: it's life.

2ndSopranos Sun 09-Apr-17 21:39:52

And fwiw we moved both our dc from the school nursery to the school they currently attend.

Ellieboolou27 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:44:03

She's in reception so I'm a bit surprised you'd call some of the girls bitchy, I mean these are 4 or 5 year olds! I expected her to be around 8 or 9 by the way you explained her friends.

Still, you've not really given her time to settle, two terms is not long, I agree with pippa in that a full year you will get a better picture.

You were doing what you thought best so try and see the positives in why you moved her, talk to her and her teachers, I'd still give it another six months though.

Gaggleofgirls Sun 09-Apr-17 21:48:43

Our reasons are probably crap both ways but I just want my happy confident child back. We made a decision feeling it was in her best interest in terms of schooling.

It was a stupid rash decision and for this reason I am going over and over it in my head. I don't want her anymore unsettled. DH doesn't like school B and would have sent her back instantly.

She's happy with either, if I hadn't had parents evening I would be unaware of her change in personality, I'm not convinced by the school in general but she seemed settled, and I wouldn't have upset that, again.

LIZS Sun 09-Apr-17 21:56:30

How many currently in the class? Is the expanded numbers due to mixing age groups? I suspect you won't gain overall either way but you may find others at school A have already moved on in terms of friendship groups and her reticence could be due to the difference between nursery/preschool and Reception which could be the case anyway.

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