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Worried about son in school and where to go with it

(10 Posts)
Dude0935 Mon 20-Mar-17 11:30:05

Hi,
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of the etiquette used here so I apologise in advance but I'm at my wits end, worrying about my son and would like some pointers and practical advice on what I should be doing and what I should reasonably expect from school.

My son is 7, a young 7, a bit scatty but very caring (gets that side from my wife), yet a little excitable. He is one of the youngest in his class but usually has nice a nice group of friends who are starting to turn 8.
We have had a few problems in the past with one of his supposed friends being nasty, he seemed to go out of his way to 'wind up' my son to provoke a reaction but the school were informed and seemed to have dealt with it. The problem is, that this boy seems to have another friend in the class, one who seems to have taken a particular dislike to my son and we hear of them trying to kick him and alienate him on a near daily basis. We have asked our son to try and not take the bait and to tell a teacher when this happens but if they continue doing things, then he has been told that he can defend himself.

Things took a more sinister twist on Friday, to cut a long story short this boy who has been particularly nasty, tried to get a few of the other boys to gang up on my son which resulted him getting dragged across the floor cutting his hand. Now, as usual this happened at lunchtime where there is only a little supervision in the playground and the teachers only saw the end of it, which resulted in them both being sat to one side. This is when the other boy started saying that my son, basically wanted to 'suck' another boys willy from the class and from talking to my son, this is not the first time he has said things like this.

I have now e-mailed the school informing them of the fact that we do not feel our son is safe around this child and of our concerns that we need something doing, extremely quickly. This boys has been known to discuss sex and porn with other children but now that he seems to have upped his game I find myself worrying about his time in school, when he is away from my wife and I.

I must say, that the school have been very good in the past so I have been extremely careful in staying respectful and not going 'over the top' in the wording of my e-mail but whilst I wait to hear back from them, can anyone let me know what course of action I should expect from them or if there is anything else I can be doing?

thanks in advance

xxmumxx Mon 20-Mar-17 12:43:23

The school will probably investigate and speak with the boys parents, what else do you want the school to do?
See how it goes and tell your son to stay away from those boys.

MerryMarigold Mon 20-Mar-17 12:48:30

Try and feel some compassion for the poor child who is being exposed to these things, and possibly abused. He's obviously acting out some of his hurt and anger. I know it's hard when it's directed at your child, but it must be so horrible for him. Hopefully this will go straight to the safeguarding officer.

All you child needs to know is that this child is probably not happy, and just to play with other people. Let his other friend go. If possible, can your son be in a different class next year? Definitely keep a close eye on any bullying because that is not fair at all on your child either.

Dude0935 Mon 20-Mar-17 12:57:52

I was asking as to what I should expect from the school, how the system works so to speak, you mention a safeguarding officer, is that standard in schools? My son has been told to stay away from him, there is very little he can do as the other boy goes out of his own way to interact with him and as it does not happen in the classroom, only on the yard, switching class is not really going to achieve anything.

MerryMarigold Mon 20-Mar-17 13:04:47

All schools have a safeguarding officer. You will not know anything that goes on with this person, but they will be told of what the boy said, as it is an indication of potential abuse. This would all be behind the scenes.

From your p.o.v, I dont' think they can do much except keep an eye on this boy. And also speak to the playground staff to keep an eye on him, that the situation is not your son's fault (I don't understand why he had to sit out with this other boy as if it was his fault). I would communication open with the teacher, keep telling her anything your son tells you.

Dude0935 Mon 20-Mar-17 14:39:27

Thanks Merry, it probably is nothing and as I have alluded to, I have confidence in the school in dealing with it their own way. Its just that I felt sick to my stomach, hearing that sort of thing being said to my son and the only thing I could do was inform the school. At least he hasn't got to the stage where he doesn't want to go as I think getting back from that will be a tough one. I'm hoping it is just a case of the other boy, picking up stuff from older siblings and nothing else but he has to be taught that his behaviour and actions toward my son are against school policy and not acceptable

MerryMarigold Mon 20-Mar-17 16:00:49

It is not nothing. By year 3 they have a good knowledge of bullying. It is bullying and yes it does happen. Just keep an eye on it is all you can do. Even if school deal with this boy, you probably won't know what they did /said. I'm sure they will deal with it. If you feel it is continuing then put something in writing.

In terms of the boy. A much older sibling discussing or showing porn is abuse. If younger coherent are able to access this kind of thing, that would be serious too. They need to find out where he is being this information from as you mentioned the child has said other things. You need to tell the school every thing you know about that side of it. It's possible they are aware, but everything builds up a helpful picture.

BlueChampagne Mon 20-Mar-17 16:44:41

There should be an anti-bullying and a safeguarding policy accessible via the school website, which will tell you what you can expect from the school

If it continues, or if you are unsatisfied with their response, you could make an appointment with the class teacher or the head, to discuss it face to face.

LIZS Mon 20-Mar-17 16:49:44

If it is deemed a safeguarding matter you won't be party to any investigation or action involving the child you have earmarked as the ring leader. All you can do is ask what steps are being taken to keep your child safe .

DanFmDorking Tue 21-Mar-17 12:17:04

Some good advice above.

Consider the following:-
1. Keep a diary of the incidents and record everything that happens, date and time and what was said.
2. Ring the school today (I said today) and tell the class tutor what has been going on.
3. Write to the school/teacher about the problems. It needn’t be long and rambling just short and to the point. "Dear Headmaster..." “I am very disappointed to find that … My son/daughter is very unhappy at school because …”
4. After a couple of days, check with the school to see what has been done. Ask them what progress has been made regarding these problems.
5. You may choose to approach one of the Governors about the problems ‘I’m concerned about … I want to make sure that I’m going about this in the right way’. The Governors should just check that the correct procedures are been followed.
6. Support your child by talking about the problems and stress that it isn’t his fault.
7. Some very good advice here.
8. How the school addresses parental concerns is a measure of how good the school is.

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