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Just so upset with my 8yo DD

(61 Posts)
dfghj Mon 13-Mar-17 20:33:56

My daughters are generally very nice kids - polite well spoken and doing well at school...

Tonight i am just devastated to hear from the 8yo that as part of a circle time ddiscussion about bad language she confided in the teacher that "mummy shouts fu*king hell when she's angry".
This is total nonsense. The worst I've ever said is bloody hell and that's usually under my breath and in extreme situations. I also never really get stressed with homework as they manage it fine and I'm not some mad alpha parent!
The thought that a) my daughter has said that at school and b) the teacher will never think of me in the same light has left me horrified.
It is a small private school and I'm a regular volunteer. I feel I can't show my face ever again.
My daughter had no explanation for why she said it and is very upset.
I can't see a way back from it. πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

Boiled7Up Mon 13-Mar-17 20:38:11

Teacher will have heard worse. Far worse.

FaFoutis Mon 13-Mar-17 20:40:22

I do shout that and we all survive. It's nowhere near the end of the world.
She probably said it because someone else did.

Lilaclily Mon 13-Mar-17 20:41:04

Don't make your daughter feel upset and forget about it

dfghj Mon 13-Mar-17 20:44:33

There's no way I can let it pass. That would give totally the wrong message to an 8yo. She lied outright. Surely I don't let that pass?!

MrsKCastle Mon 13-Mar-17 20:44:54

She's 8, she acted on impulse for some reason. Maybe others were saying similar and she just wanted to join in. Try not to dwell on it, the teacher honestly won't think anything different of you. I've heard a LOT of 'Mummy said/did xyz'. Much of it is nonsense, much of it is a one-off occasion that the child has never let their parent forget, a small amount is sadly true and accurate. But teachers are really not interested in whose parents sweat on occasion.

SafeToCross Mon 13-Mar-17 20:45:43

Don't over react or show her you are all about keeping up appearances - just say, what a strange thing to say, please don't repeat bad language you hear others say.

MrsKCastle Mon 13-Mar-17 20:46:56

Your DD is already upset, she knows it was silly to lie and swear and probably feels mortified. Now she needs to know that you love her, you forgive her and she can learn from her mistake and move on.

Leggit Mon 13-Mar-17 20:48:19

You can't let it pass?? It's not even a thing

monkeyfacegrace Mon 13-Mar-17 20:48:43

Christ I shout fucking hell all the time.

I really wouldn't be that bothered. You sound a little over affected by it. Your DD is 8, she probably just wanted to have 'something' to say, to get involved.

It's hardly a reason to never show your face again hmm

dfghj Mon 13-Mar-17 20:49:55

I can't imagine she heard it anywhere else. She does occasionally sneak a look at my books (i.like thrillers) and might have read it there.

I explained to her that she has now pit herself in the position that if anyone else.says It she will be 'ground zero. Her own fault. A child who has never said a rude word. What a shame. I intend to punish her as I don't condone lying under any circumstances. What if the next lie was "mummy hit me"? She will have pocket money docked for a week. I wish I thought I'd feel better in such a short time.

SookiesSocks Mon 13-Mar-17 20:58:18

You are seriously over reacting. She swore she didnt murder anyone hmm
Yes she lied but children just do sometimes.

If you cant get over this how the hell will you cope when shes a teen confused

FaFoutis Mon 13-Mar-17 21:02:09

You what?
That's a good way to stop her telling you anything ever again.

dfghj Mon 13-Mar-17 21:03:44

So we just get annoyed with our kids and punish them if they commit murder? No wonder the country's going to the dogs πŸ˜‰

KnittedDress Mon 13-Mar-17 21:04:42

She certainly heard it somewhere - otherwise she wouldn't know the word. Do you really read books with swearing in but never swear yourself? That seems very odd to me. As does the idea that an 8 yo would never have uttered a rude word in their life not heard one.

It's fine to explain to her that it's wrong to lie and give her a consequence for doing so. I think it's a bit much to tell her that everyone will blame her if anyone else in her class swears (if I understand the 'group be zero' thing correctly). Children who don't live under rocks will generally have heard swear words somewhere by that age - be it on the street, the bus, in a shop. I honestly don't think the teacher will give it a second thought, and may well take it with a pinch of salt if that's totally not your personality, which they presumably know since you volunteer.

Chill out - it's really not that bad. My ds told nursery when he was 3 that I regularly pushed him downstairs (I obviously didn't). They didn't believe him.

monkeyfacegrace Mon 13-Mar-17 21:05:57

So we just get annoyed with our kids and punish them if they commit murder? No wonder the country's going to the dogs

Umm. riiiiight

You're coming across as a complete loon confused

KnittedDress Mon 13-Mar-17 21:06:16

'Ground zero' not 'group be zero' <sigh>

RJnomore1 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:07:08

Commit murder?

πŸ˜‚

KnittedDress Mon 13-Mar-17 21:08:29

I'd be pretty fucking 'annoyed' if my child committed murder TBH. I'd definitely send them to their room and yell fucking hell quite a lot while doing it.

RJnomore1 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:08:41

Stunningly, this is not dfghj's first post!

SookiesSocks Mon 13-Mar-17 21:12:24

So we just get annoyed with our kids and punish them if they commit murder? No wonder the country's going to the dogs
πŸ˜‰

Yes OP thats exactly what we do hmm

Starlight2345 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:13:23

How come you know this information?

Did you ask her where she heard the words?

Do you never say it at all? She may of heard when you thought she wasn't listening? An argument with Dh ? on the phone?

Jazzywazzydodah Mon 13-Mar-17 21:15:40

I think your putting way to much pressure on her being some kind of perfect child.

She is a impulsive child - just like all of them. She probably picked it up in school, out playing etc.. she probably bitterly regrets it and your making the issue in to a nasty one.

My brother told his teacher once that is dad stuck pins in his eyes (my brothers eyes) all nonsense of course but kids make shit up.

Don't try and 'make' a perfect child, it will be claustrophobic and you will cause a lot of self esteem issues.

Children are not perfect and neither are YOU ...

I think she probably wishes you would shout fucking hell and loosen up a bit grin

Thattimeofyearagain Mon 13-Mar-17 21:19:14

My ds told his reception teacher that we never let him eat breakfast..........and dh's Aunt was head of social services in our town at the time grin.

goingmadinthecountry Mon 13-Mar-17 21:25:16

Teacher may well shout fucking hell at home too. I've been known to, and my children have grown up pretty well. It's not the end of the world. I only ever believe a small amount of what children tell me about their parents and I certainly don't judge.

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