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Year 2 teacher censoring kids

(20 Posts)
Skazzy Sun 29-Jan-17 10:47:07

My year 2 son has come home from school saying his teacher has told the entire class that no one is allowed to tell their parents if another child gets told off, as it's "none of your business". I've checked this with another parent and they have heard the same from their son.

I am pretty surprised that a teacher is instructing what kids can and cannot say to parents in the privacy of their own homes.

I can see what he teacher is trying to do in stopping tittle tattle but I don't think this is appropriate and makes it seem like the teacher doesn't want parents to know what is going on at school!

Am I overreacting or do you think this is a fair thing for the teacher to request?

spanieleyes Sun 29-Jan-17 10:53:29

Well, it IS none of your business if another child is told off, would you like it if all the parents knew when your son was in trouble? Perhaps it was worded a little incautiously but the principle is sound!!

SteppingOnToes Sun 29-Jan-17 10:55:42

There was another thread identical to this a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it is more common than you think? They are teaching the children not to be gossips?

mikado1 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:56:45

Sounds like she's maybe worded it the wrong way (she hasn't a hope anyway of some children/parents listening to her) but can completely understand where she's coming from- it's v obviously not saying don't say anything about school but some children, encouraged by their DPs, take great pleasure in discussing when others have been less than perfect. In this way many children are unfairly judged and labelled. Pathetic on behalf of such parents imo.

flumpybear Sun 29-Jan-17 10:57:09

It also teaches them to not talk to their parents if someone in authority tells them not to - i'd not be happy with this!

tethersend Sun 29-Jan-17 10:57:35

Teachers should never, ever tell children to keep secrets from their parents. Under any circumstances. Ever.

As spanieleyes says, they could have worded this very differently.

tethersend Sun 29-Jan-17 10:58:24

They should be addressing this with the parents, not the children.

DontstepontheMomeRaths Sun 29-Jan-17 11:01:29

Worded badly but the principle is sound as spaniel said.

Whenever my children have come out of school gossiping about who was told off for what, I've shut them down. As I wouldn't want others doing the same if they had a bad day instead.

Skazzy Sun 29-Jan-17 11:12:35

My concern was that a person in authority is telling my child what they can and cannot say to me as a parent in the privacy of my own home. My child is 6 and should be able to tell me anything. They might ask "was this fair?", "was this wrong?", "I think the teacher overracted,", whatever they want to say to me is fine by me. And actually I wouldn't not give two hoots if my child was in trouble and other parents heard! I would expect this - that's life!

DontstepontheMomeRaths Sun 29-Jan-17 11:30:56

But the teacher said no one is to tell a parent all about it if another child is told off. That's all isn't it?

Not that they cannot tell their parents anything that happens in class at all. Or am I misunderstanding the original post?

Skazzy Sun 29-Jan-17 11:37:22

Yep that's correct. If someone else is told off you should not tell your parents.

But firstly that means that the children have to now think about whether they are or aren't allowed to say this or that to their parents.

Secondly, I think a 6 year old may have legitimate concerns or questions or confusion about what happened - even if it did not involve them. I would rather my child ask me about anything that concerns him and not bottle anything up because a teacher told him to.

Anyway seems I am in a minority for thinking this!

DontstepontheMomeRaths Sun 29-Jan-17 11:45:44

You sound fairly level headed and if the teacher is behaving inappropriately or punishing kids unfairly you'd want to know, any parent would.

But the flip side of children going home tittle tattling on every incident in class is a child gets quickly labelled as naughty or similar, to the point they start to get excluded from parties, told they mustn't play with them etc. Which sadly I've seen happen in my school. To the point some parents seemed to feed off hearing what said child had done that day in class and I think the child reporting was embellishing it.
I think that situation is unusual but I do think not encouraging gossip is a good thing.

Have a chat with the teacher about what they said exactly and their thinking behind it if you're concerned? They may have said it for a specific reason perhaps that you don't know about. Does that make sense?

irvineoneohone Sun 29-Jan-17 11:45:54

I don't think it's wrong for the teacher to tell kids not to talk about other kids at home though... It's not really like telling the kids not to talk about school.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder Sun 29-Jan-17 11:54:51

I think it's wrong to tell children to keep secrets from their parents. OK so maybe they don't need to tell their parents about who was told off, but there should be absolutely no topic off limits. Children shouldn't have to think about whether they are "allowed" to say this or that. What if someone was abusing them and told them not to tell their parents? For this reason, my children know that they can ALWAYS tell me things, no matter what another adult says, and I wouldn't appreciate a teacher trying to get in the way of that.

irvineoneohone Sun 29-Jan-17 11:57:29

I was once told by one of class mate's mum that my ds shouldn't be best friend with certain boy, he is a troubled child, bad influence etc,etc. He has sen.
My ds loves him, and never complained about him. It was very unpleasant.
I really become to dislike her child.

ballsdeep Sun 29-Jan-17 12:02:05

I told the children this in my class but not in this way. Basically I was telling a child off and when he sat back down, a girl next to him said 'I'm going to tell my mummy!'
Obviously in that instance I explained to the class that it's not for other children to go and tell their mothers etc and it was dealt with X

Skazzy Sun 29-Jan-17 12:02:12

Thank you for your input everyone. The other angle is that I actually think this is more about the teacher protecting herself as their have been a few questionable instances - teacher calling kids a liar with no evidence and that kind of thing. My personal belief is that is what this is about more than protecting the other kids against gossip. I don't think our class has had any instances of parents judging other kids - not to my knowledge anyway.

ballsdeep Sun 29-Jan-17 12:04:28

I totally agree that no one should be asked to keep secrets from their parents and from reading the full thread 😳 it seems as though she was trying to cover her back.

tethersend Sun 29-Jan-17 12:42:36

The only way the teacher can know that children are telling their parents stuff is if the parents complain etc.

That is the problem- this is a parent issue, not a child. This needs to be discussed with parents, not children.

The teacher sounds completely out of their depth and asking small children to keep secrets is a dangerous way to address the problem.

I would speak to the head, reinforcing that asking children to keep secrets from their parents flies in the face of all safeguarding advice.

catkind Sun 29-Jan-17 12:57:55

I think parents will be aware of who the naughty kids are anyway, because our kids will talk when it's them that's hit/called names/interrupted in their work, and I don't think you can say that's not their business to talk about if they want. So knowing the teacher has told them off is actually a positive, means we don't have to worry or go in and talk to the teacher because we're reassured it's being dealt with. The most usual case is "X hit me today". "Oh dear, did you tell the teacher?". "Yes, he was put on a warning" or whatever the sanction is. So I'm satisfied the teacher was aware, incident has been dealt with, end of story.

Yes I imagine it's tiresome if kids are always saying "mum, M was told off for talking in assembly today", but how many parents actually tune in to the petty ones? The ones where children are being violent or mean, it's better to know about it and know the teacher's on the case IMO.

Take "none of your business" to extremes and you get situations like one I remember vividly from school. Teacher completely lost it one day, repeatedly hit and screamed at one child. Child was well trained in "it's because I was naughty", the rest of us were well trained in "none of your business". It never got reported sad

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