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Handling parents

(4 Posts)
Scamp48 Wed 25-Jan-17 21:19:09

Hi, just wanting some advice on a school gate situation I have found myself in. Without wanting to go into too much detail on the background, about eighteen months ago, I had to cut ties with a fellow school mum who I have known even before our children started school. In brief, her DD was being emotionally manipulative to my DD: very emotionally needy one minute, which my gullible DD would respond to, and then would be excluding her from playground games the next. It escalated to the point that it was covert bullying, and I had to be extremely assertive to stop it. The school helped enormously and successfully resolved the issue, working separately with both girls, as well as others who were also being affected by this particular child's behaviour, that now happily all girls in the year get on reasonably well. The mother did not take it well, and I fell out badly with her (she is extremely thick-skinned, and I really had to spell it out to her unfortunately as she was putting a lot of focus on the girls' friendship and constantly wanted them to have play dates/friendship exclusivity etc. She even told one of my daughters' friends to leave the two of them alone to have time together!!!). If this sort of playground bust up has happened to you, how have you coped seeing that person every day, twice a day? At first, I found it upsetting but in some ways easier to deal with as I was so furious with her, but over a year later, I have calmed down and can't really be bothered to hold a grudge (but equally wouldn't want to be close!) It's a small school and we have mutual friends. Any ideas on next steps would be most appreciated!

user1484226561 Wed 25-Jan-17 21:45:14

There is no next step required, just let her get on with her life, whilst you peacefully get on with yours

Sweets101 Wed 25-Jan-17 21:49:30

I don't know the answer to your question i'm afraid, but i am interested in how you and the school managed to resolve things for the children?
DC is going through this at the mo and i am at a complete loss as to how to handle it, and the school not much better although well intentioned.

Scamp48 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:01:34

User - I know really you are right - but as I'm a generally chatty friendly person, I find it odd not talking to a fellow parent. I'll say hello but things still feel very awkward....

Sweets - our principal was amazing. It took me a while to cotton onto what was happening, and it was the same with the school but once they did, they were on it! We were on the verge of taking our DD out of the school though, as we couldn't see a way past it. The school had weekly lunchtime sessions with the group of girls affected by it, and bolstered that group with a couple of older girls. It was kept secret from the other pupils and the head taught the group how to deal with someone who behaves like that, made them think why they had let her assume that position of power etc etc. The meetings went on for over two terms - amazing really. I wasn't privy to what went on with the other girl, but know that she was given responsibilities on the playground to help others struggling to make friends/those sitting on the buddy bench. We have occasional flare ups, but mostly my daughter can handle it and she generally considers her to be a friend again now. Good luck - it was such a horrible time but we did get through it. V glad we didn't move schools now!

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