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8yr old ds struggling with school :-(

(23 Posts)
confusednorthner Fri 20-Jan-17 21:23:03

I've been having terrible trouble with ds and school for a couple of years. Not particularly academic and finds literacy subjects really quite difficult.
About a year ago there was incidents of bullying and school seemed to deal with this although we've had occasional mentions of it.
Since he's started yr 4 incidents of low lever bad behaviour i.e. answering back and generally fidgety have become more often to the rate of daily.
I've literally tried everything from punishments to reward but nothing's working. The last fortnight has been awful it's spread to home and he's a complete nightmare! Just speaking to him can end in him on floor screaming and kicking.
Last night we started writing his worries and feeding to his cuddly toy and tonight's has reduced me to tears :-(
to bunny please work your magic and help me be not worried about school as I get really sad about going there!

Thing is the worse he behaves the worse it gets as he's constantly in trouble. One if his teachers is brilliant at praising every little positive but I'm not sure the other is and I feel her pain because it's getting pretty hard to find them!
Any advice gladly received please

Notcontent Fri 20-Jan-17 23:06:24

it sounds like something needs to be done to break this cycle. My dd went through a phase of being unhappy at school but then she had a brilliant teacher who really "got" dd and found ways to raise dd's confidence.

Could you have a meeting with the nice teacher and discuss strategies?

AuditAngel Fri 20-Jan-17 23:21:37

I know it can be hard to differentiate, but do you think he is struggling academically or socially?

bojorojo Sat 21-Jan-17 08:59:23

Definitely speak to the teachers urgently. Could they give him some TA time in class? Is he able to ask for help if he finds the work difficult? Does he need easier work to gain confidence? Talking is a good start. I am not sure what else to suggest but between you and the school there must be a bit of fun put back into school. Usually a school is a mixture of the two! What else does he like? Does he enjoy sport? Can you/he find something else to boost self esteem? I wish you all the best.

confusednorthner Sat 21-Jan-17 09:01:00

His teacher is getting him to fill in positive things he's done in a sheet each day and letting him earn golden time at end of day which did work a bit but it's not getting followed through on other days.
He's definitely finding anything spelling / writing difficult and will resist any help I try give him at home. Other subjects are ok I think.
He's got a couple of friends but I know the majority of the boys are under the spell of the boy who had previously been bullying him so he tends to stay out of that group.
I do think he completely associates school with negative things but can't see how that will change unless he changes behaviour as his head is very strict on every little thing.
I will be taking the note to school Monday and he's on a list to see a lady who comes in to talk with children having problems but I don't know how long it will be.
Already this morning he's grumpy and shouting at me!

sonlypuppyfat Sat 21-Jan-17 09:02:59

My DD was so miserable at school, in the end I removed her and home schooled her for six months and then changed schools. That worked wonders

confusednorthner Sat 21-Jan-17 09:04:30

Bojo think you've hit nail on the head. School is no fun for him!
I know all the staff very well as I work on site although I'm different department so we do talk a lot but it's just not improving.
I've even offered looking at the other school nearer us but he's determined not to move.

confusednorthner Sat 21-Jan-17 09:05:36

If I didn't need to be at work home school for a while would be my first option!

Msqueen33 Sat 21-Jan-17 09:09:01

My dd is seven and isn't overly academic. She also has two siblings with Sen. I found when she went into year 3 the fun of school disappeared because they seem to be pushed so much harder. No advice but a lot of sympathy.

sonlypuppyfat Sat 21-Jan-17 09:33:19

An hour at home learning equals one whole school day, that's what I was told

Msqueen33 Sat 21-Jan-17 09:42:09

sonlypuppyfat, wow really? That's interesting.

confusednorthner Sat 21-Jan-17 23:16:50

If we had family that could help with childcare that could work but unfortunately not. I think there must be truth in that when you think how much you could achieve 1 to1.
Tonight's letter asks for a friend he can rely on. I'm not meant to see these and he won't tell me these things. It breaks my heart to read them.

Peanutbutterrules Sat 21-Jan-17 23:39:00

Are you sure the bullying has stopped? Sometimes its only the worst bits that get stopped but low level stuff continues. This happened to my DD and it was only when she was out of the situation that she realised how bad it was and how much it had affected her. If literacy a real issue issue have you thought of getting dyslexia checked out? Sometimes mild issues get missed but can still be impacting.

Sounds tough - the friend comments suggests he is lonely at school which is heart breaking.

jamdonut Sun 22-Jan-17 11:05:56

I also wondered if the bullying has truly stopped.
Are children picking on him in class because of his spelling etc? Some children can be proper busybodies, and are maybe compounding his frustration with his writing?
We try to 'ban' the usage of "that's easy!" in class, pointing out that some people really don't find some things easy, and need some time to work things out.
It definitely sounds like something is amiss, and should be sorted out as soon as possible.

Turquoisetamborine Sun 22-Jan-17 11:27:38

My son who is now 9 went to an outstanding primary. Was so glad he got in. There was only 11 boys in the class of 30. He has one best friend who was lovely but was systematically bullied by at least two others for years.

Last September I moved him to another school and everything has improved. He has friends, his school work is slowly improving with the help of a tutor weekly. He is immeasurably happier than before and so are we as I'm not worrying all the time. His teacher is so much better than the old one who through a series of bad luck he had for three years!

I wish I'd done it years ago.

Turquoisetamborine Sun 22-Jan-17 11:29:43

Oh and the new school has two year groups in each year so massive school which I was previously worried about but it actually means there is a bigger pool of boys to be friends with. He has loads of boys who are like him now, not just 11 to choose from.

confusednorthner Sun 22-Jan-17 11:32:06

I've managed to get him to talk a little this morning but all he's saying is that x now leaves him alone and is picking on someone else. I know this upsets him though as we know other child well.
I'm going to ask teacher about spelling etc and see just how concerned she is as homework is a huge battle. We've started a project this morning but only way we got anything done was for me to scribe all his notes. I know the writing up will be painful!
I'm attempting to go for food shop and failing as he won't leave the house . If it wasn't for his swimming club he'd happily stay home all the time unless we had something special planned.

confusednorthner Sun 22-Jan-17 11:33:31

Turquoise that's where moving might not help as we only have small village schools as options.

BarbarianMum Sun 22-Jan-17 14:54:33

You say he dislikes literacy-related things. OP can I just ask straight out - how well does he read and write with no support at all?

bojorojo Sun 22-Jan-17 18:18:55

Do ask in school if he can join a TA in class. Has he been assessed for SEN and are the school giving him extra support? In many schools now children are given highly differentiated work so it is not necessarily easy for anyone. Has anyone worked out why he is so poor at writing and what they can do to help? It must be very frustrating for him.

A school of 60 in a year group is not massive - Turquoise!!! Plenty have 120 and are stilll very child centred and excellent.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 22-Jan-17 18:24:50

Has he been checked for dyslexia? It can cause huge stress for children.

confusednorthner Sun 22-Jan-17 19:25:45

I don't know how he stands compared to where he should. I'd say his reading is low to mid for his age. We are reading the Christmasaurus and he's fine except some longer words. Example of writing attached.
He has class spellings plus extra ones which he should have known by end of yr3 but still can't get.
He just says he doesn't like it!

confusednorthner Mon 23-Jan-17 20:36:26

I've spoke to his teacher and she's also concerned he has dyslexia tendencies, I'm off to google what I can do to help. He says he is ok when he knows words but struggles with the others ( which he says are lots) to know what to do and that it's too hard.

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