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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Reception child tired tantrums

17 replies

Treetophouses · 12/01/2017 19:35

We've had atrocious behaviour since school has restarted but can tell it is just because ds is so so tired by the time he gets home. Due to work he goes to a childminder 4 days a week, and we're not home till 5.45. Quick food, bit of telly, then off to bed just before 7. But he's an emotional wreck, cries at everything, nothing is right. Rings under his eyes although we have him in bed in 7.15 at the latest (and earliest we can manage really) and sleeps till around 7am. No other regular activities or big outings etc, but Xmas hols were not very relaxing to be fair as we were travelling around to see far-flung relatives a lot.

It's hard to keep our cool at the shouting, crying, screaming but trying our best as it's clear it's just tiredness, he's usually very easygoing and happy.

I just wondered if there's anything we can do to help, or if it should get better quickly from your experience?
He doesn't want picking up earlier from childminder as he loves it.
He also really likes school, so probably wouldn't like me keeping him home an afternoon a week or something like that - he's turning 5 soon so may not be an option anyway.

Any ideas, lovely MNs? Just hate seeing him so upset and feel like I've lost all quality time! And sorry for the novel.

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bojorojo · 12/01/2017 19:58

To be very blunt, I would have had a relaxing Christmas. A few child centred treats near home. My friend had just this with her child and I did with mine when she was 9! (Verbal tantrums). For both of them, food immediately they came out of school was part of the answer. I kept a decent wholesome snack in the car. If he is having to wait to have dinner with you, it is far too late. What time does he have lunch? Can the childminder not give him tea? Then you give him supper?

He will become more robust and you will have to factor in reading somehow. I think the rushing around with you when you get home is not that great either. It feels like you have no time for talk and a bit of play. You are only seeing him in the evening for just over an hour. That seems very little. Does he crave more attention? Why does he go to bed at 7? Can he go at 7.30 if he has a bit more input from you and responds well to this? What is he getting upset about?

I do think he could do with chilling out a bit with the childminder . Does he need more tv with you? Could you do something like reading to him instead? This is more bonding than tv and promotes talking to each other.

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Dixiechickonhols · 12/01/2017 20:37

Could child minder do food or send a packed lunch then just bath/story bed at home until he is less tired.

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Treetophouses · 12/01/2017 21:09

Thanks both

Childminder gives the main meal at 4 so it's just snack and milk at our house, not a full dinner - I wouldn't stand a chance.

Christmas is busy because both lots of grandparents are abroad and not that near each other. They're now getting quite elderly, my mum had serious health problems, and both me and dp do want to see them at least twice a year as we're not sure how long we'll have them around - already feel we should be there for them a lot more. Not ideal at all although ds adores his grandparents so it's good he gets to see them. But it just isn't as much of a break as staying home that's for sure.

I wondered about cutting tv but he lives for his episode - it's just a 10-minute episode of whatever CBeebies thing he enjoys at the time and it's the only screentime as they don't watch tv at the childminders, they just play and chill and get read a story at home time

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Enidblyton1 · 12/01/2017 21:17

We have a similar issue.
Is there any way of him having some quiet time at the childminders? If e is playing with other children from 3.30-5ish that will be exhausting on top of a school day.

Try to have a really quiet weekend and hopefully he'll be refreshed by Monday. Last term I found my DD was OK after the first couple of weeks.

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Sleeperandthespindle · 12/01/2017 21:18

Sounds just like mine! He's been hitting, lying, hiding things, crying and oh God, the whining! All since going back this term.

I think expectations are higher in school now, so maybe it's more stressful in a way. My DS is suddenly worried about rules (though happy enough to break them at home!). I know he just needs more and more love and attention, but doesn't get much of the latter from me until the weekends. We're home late and out early in the mornings.

It's a short half term. We'll make it!

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Thistly · 12/01/2017 21:25

He might love it at childminders, but the timetable you have doesn't leae much fun/ relaxation time for you to have at home. I would consider changing working hours so that he gets more time at home with one of you. Eg I know a family who organise it so mum starts work at 8. She is out the house really early, but kids picked up and home by 4.30, but dad starts at 10am so does the school run in the morning. He doesn't get home til later on. Just a thought, I know not all employers are flexible like that.

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Sleeperandthespindle · 12/01/2017 22:06

Most people can't just change their working hours! I know you acknowledge that employers aren't always flexible, but suggesting it is a bit silly really.

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TheTroubleWithAngels · 12/01/2017 23:49

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Treetophouses · 13/01/2017 00:08

I was wondering about that - I currently pick him up after school once a week and could probably do it twice if I work after he's gone to bed. He's adamant though that he wants to go to the childminders as 'all his friends go' and the day I could do is when all the older kids are there who he hero worships a bit. Sometimes I literally can't get him out of the door if the others are still there. It's nice he's enjoying it so much but the long days and constant being on the go do make him very tired and when he gets home he just kind of deflates like a balloon that's been pricked with a pin.

I'm glad several of you say it gets better. Maybe I'll just pick up early a couple of times extra whilst he settles into the routine and see how that goes.

trying hard getting enough outdoors time at the weekend, but during the school day they often keep them in if it's raining. Being up north, that's quite often at the moment, and he's definitely missing the running and rough and tumble on those days.

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MiaowTheCat · 13/01/2017 09:53

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bojorojo · 13/01/2017 10:50

It is not silly to suggest a slight change in work hours may help, Sleep.
Sometimes people just do not think it is possible, but it is. Even if it is temporary.

Regarding the older children at the child-minders; I do think they will make him more tired. Also, being with you has to be seen as better than being with them. Even if you pick him up early, he will still have had an hour with them and it will give you additional time with him. At some point you will need to factor in homework and reading. Also, he cannot just have exactly what he wants. He does have to learn that and accept what you say without constantly wanting something else.

I think making more of his meal-time with you at home could be a good idea. A time to chat. Try and find a way to slow things down.

I fully realise your parents are needing you. However, I assume they made the decision to go abroad. Lots of people never realise the implications of this and the strain it eventually puts on others. You cannot be there for your parents or, I assume, you would not work at all. Can they not move back here? I have friends whose parents moved a 5 hour drive away. Total hell when they got old and ill. They chose to do it though but it was hugely disruptive to family life and my friends were constantly on the road every other weekend with their children. Clubs and sport went out of the window. Really not satisfactory at all. I would chat to your parents about managing when they are really old and ill.

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Treetophouses · 13/01/2017 18:10

It was us who moved to the uk - many many years ago. There were good reasons, we were young and working in a highly specialised international field and we both enjoy living in new places. And it was fine then, they were working and fit and had their own lives etc - now, not so although we both have siblings who've stayed close by, so it's less the day to day stuff but more feeling they're getting old and won't be around forever.

That's all a bit bleak, so back to my tired and grumpy schoolkid! I think I'll try picking up a bit earlier from the childminder to make the rest of the day less rushed and see how that goes. Thanks all

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Poocatcherchampion · 13/01/2017 19:09

I'd aim for earlier bed. My reception child is in bed by 6 with her siblings - she is way too tired to string out. I'd lose the telly every night and do either play or telly.

It is very sad as I hardly see them after school and before bed but I figure it is only a little while til it gets lighter and everyone is less shattered.

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MiniEggAddiction · 14/01/2017 14:43

Could switch the telly to the morning (bed 10 mins earlier up 10 mins later)? Mine has been the same, I dread our walk home after school but it has been improving he gets used to the schedule. We had a busy christmas particularly at the end. Obviously it isn't ideal but, like you had no choice, we have elderly family and family living abroad and it would be unthinkable to disappoint them. I wouldn't worry too much it will improve.

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MerylPeril · 14/01/2017 14:55

It gets better with age and when the weather improves.
DD used to be hell on a Saturday and I would dread it all week. So many tears and tantrums.
Now she's 7 it's improving all the time . Monday nights are still an issue, but I prepare to get her into bed early that night.
We do have quiet holidays, you can see it takes a few days for them to recover.

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Thistly · 20/01/2017 11:50

Hope you have had a better week.
Just a small point:
It is ok to explain to your son that he is behaving poorly, and that this is because he is tired, so he needs to get home earlier, especially if he does object to being taken home from cm earlier.

It helps them start to develop some self awareness to have this stuff spelled out to the.

Sorry if I am pointing out the obvious.

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Treetophouses · 20/01/2017 19:56

Thanks Thisly - yes, a much better this week. He came down with a fever over the weekend so maybe that added to the tiredness and not feeling well in himself. Still a couple of miniature tantrums and doing the opposite of what he's told at times but a combination of getting back into the swing of things, well timed food, more positive attention and making mornings and bedtime a tad more relaxed seem to have made us all happier.