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Should I ask for DD to be in different Reception class from this girl from preschool?

(35 Posts)
minipie Tue 03-Jan-17 16:16:33

Bit of a back story, explained by my previous thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/2673014-How-do-I-help-DD-3yo-deal-with-this-girl-in-her-class

Anyway it turns out that A is going to go to the same school as DD in September.

From what I can tell A has continued to be the same, and a new trait has appeared - she tells other children to do naughty things so that they get in trouble hmm. In fact A's mum was telling me that A does this with her little sister...

Unfortunately DD is the kind of child who would fall for that trick, she has no guile at all and won't realise she's being set up, she'll just think it sounds fun.

It also looks like A is still a bit of a stirrer with her comments and inclusion/exclusion of others. Again DD is unfortunately the kind of child to react, she is usually tired due to a medical condition and is easily wound up as a result.

You can see where this is going. I'm worried that A will use these tactics on DD - especially as they are already "friends" - and DD will react and look bad as a result.

Should I ask the school if DD and A can be in separate classes? It's a 3 form entry so not hard to achieve. There are a few others going from the same pre school and no issues with any of them.

I am nervous about casting DD (or myself!) as "difficult" by asking this, however I do think it would work out better for DD.

If the advice is that I should ask school - then when would be the best time? Now? Easter? June? When do class lists get allocated usually - I don't want to ask after they've been done as that would be a pain.

I'll need to speak to the school about her medical issues anyway (school is aware of diagnosis but I need to talk to them about a plan to deal with tiredness) so thought I could raise it at the same time. Just not sure when that is.

Thanks very much, sorry it's long.

Whosthemummynow Tue 03-Jan-17 16:20:21

Seriously?
Your seriously considering doing this?!

Whosthemummynow Tue 03-Jan-17 16:21:16

What happens when it turns out there's another "A"
Get them moved as well?

confused

Cosmicglitterpug Tue 03-Jan-17 16:22:00

You can mention it; hard to say how much notice they would take tbh.

BeanAnTi Tue 03-Jan-17 16:22:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 03-Jan-17 16:22:57

blush

fleurdelacourt Tue 03-Jan-17 16:24:53

I'd ask and I'd ask now. Nothing to lose?

gallicgirl Tue 03-Jan-17 16:26:13

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask with the simple explanation that they don't get on. I wouldn't give any details though as I don't feel it would be fair on the little girl to have preconceptions of her behaviour.

As others have said though, there will be a lot more children around so may be less of an issue.

Coincidentally, you really need to be helping your child to foster positive friendships. I think playground politics was the issue my DD struggled with most in reception and it's difficult to help her through that without interfering. I knew she had to learn to manage those friendships herself.

smellyboot Tue 03-Jan-17 16:27:44

I havent read the other thread but there is totally no harm in mentioning it. Our school is 3 form and would probably accommodate as they want all new children to settle easily and work with parents. No need to make it a huge deal. Just say that they dont get along or something

user1470997562 Tue 03-Jan-17 16:38:21

I think you can't really avoid this type of thing throughout primary. But no harm in asking. I would word it that they don't get on.

drspouse Tue 03-Jan-17 16:44:13

My DS' school is two form but they all mix for free flow activities, and my friend's DS goes to a three form entry that is similar. So no guarantee at all they will not spend all their time together except as my DS says "he's on the other carpet".

LIZS Tue 03-Jan-17 16:49:22

How can you be so certain about school already? Agree with others if it isn't A it will be another child. Better to influence your dd to avoid such behaviour.

minipie Tue 03-Jan-17 16:54:05

Gosh quick replies. And mixed! Thank you all.

Whosthemummy of course I wouldn't ask for any child to be moved. I'm talking about asking before any children have been allocated to classes.

Cosmic fair enough.

Gallic I absolutely would not say anything negative about A, I agree that would be unfair.

I can't really phrase it as "they don't get on", as they do get on very well when A is in the mood - but it's in a kind of "partners in crime" way so not ideal from a teacher POV. I think I would put it more along the lines of they don't seem to bring out the best in each other? Does that sound ok?

Re fostering positive friendships I do try to, she has other friends and playdates and generally seems fine socially, just a bit naive/immature compared with some and the tiredness doesn't help.

I know I can't micromanage, and this sort of thing could crop up with another child or with A in free play where they are all together. Just thought I could help her with this one thing?

Thanks again

minipie Tue 03-Jan-17 16:54:34

LIZS it's a private school <awaits bashing>

BeanAnTi Tue 03-Jan-17 17:02:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustSpeakSense Tue 03-Jan-17 17:03:47

Every class has an 'A'

MrsGB2015 Tue 03-Jan-17 17:10:22

I would ask for DD to be in a separate class. I know that every class has an A, but your DD is already on As radar. Isn't it best to have a fresh start. I don't really know what you have to loose, just ask and see what they say. Then whatever happens, you know you've tried.

MiaowTheCat Tue 03-Jan-17 17:12:51

I was in a similar situation with DD1 last year - didn't do anything other than have a word with the teacher that there was an underlying dynamic of the pair of them winding each other up by virtue of the other's existence and could she keep an eye knowing there'd been a bit of a history.

It's honestly not been a problem - the wider social circle going into school (2 form entry and they've ended up in the same class) has separated them sufficiently that now they don't get the time together to wind each other up at all.

Whosthemummynow Tue 03-Jan-17 17:13:06

I find it very uncomfortable the way a 4 year old is being demonised

Yoarchie Tue 03-Jan-17 17:15:38

I think given it's a private school with a 3 form entry you have a little more chance of success. I would make sure you write something balanced though rather than suggesting your child is being led astray.

I would just say something like: I am sorry to bother you and hope my request doesn't cause too much inconvenience...
...my dd and A have been at X nursery together and have often got into mischief together...
...please would you consider allocating the girls to different forms if at all possible?

Like others have said there is a child like A in every class so don't expect this to vanish overnight. Both my kids have one in their classes. It is worth trying to instill into DD that she should make her own decisions and also to walk away when people are nasty rather than shouting or fighting or whatever.

Yoarchie Tue 03-Jan-17 17:18:58

Whosthemummynow you are fortunate you haven't seen it in action. I had to go into school whenthe kids were on break and I saw one 4yo absolutely ripping another to shreds verbally (neither were my child). Shouting, ordering about, pushing, telling them they had not done stuff correctly...an extremely bolshy child generally giving a battering to a much meeker compliant child.

keekaw Tue 03-Jan-17 17:23:17

I'd definitely ask. Just say that they bring out the worst in each other.

TataEs Tue 03-Jan-17 17:24:58

if you want i would try and speak to the head, cover your dd medical issues and maybe say that you thought you'd mention it before classes are allocated but ur DD and don't bring out the best in each other and it may be preferable for them to be in separate forms. Having dealt with private and state school, private schools are likely to take this on board.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 03-Jan-17 17:31:55

As others have said.

Just say that they are friends but bring out the worst in each other.

The teachers will smile, nod and be grateful.

We have had parents ask for this at secondary as well and as its before the children have been placed in a class it should be easy to do.

missnevermind Tue 03-Jan-17 17:32:05

I did this. Given it was 12 years ago, but the teachers were lovely about it at the time.
Child A in my case was my friends son. Both me and friend volunteered at the school but never together as we switched out for childcare so our youngest, at that point spent a fair bit of time together. My child was not as strong or resilient or as quick with his fists and teeth as hers. hmm

I told the teachers as soon as the places were allocated that the two of them were already showing issues with each other and if they could be kept seperated I would be grateful. In a three form entry school they were put in different classes. I don't know if this was because of my request or was happening anyway but it can't harm to ask. Just don't blame and demonise only the other child.

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