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Twin parents - help pls

(18 Posts)
catkind Fri 30-Dec-16 14:23:40

DD wants to invite over one of twins in her class (reception, so 4-5yr olds). Would appreciate advice on the most tactful way to do this.

Normally with reception play dates I'd invite child, and encourage parent to come too and bring any siblings if they like/think child isn't ready to go on their own. Which I could do, I'd mention to the mum at pickup so the kids wouldn't have to know that one was particularly invited if they do both want to come. Or could just invite both twins in the first place - but is that treating them too much like a lump?

It's not that DD doesn't like the other one, but there is one she says is best mate (this month at least!). Of course being reception DD could easily end up being best buddies with other twin a few months down the line. And have no idea if it's a mutual "best mates" or one-sided on DD's part!

I'm probably over-thinking this...

TheDrMeredithGrey Fri 30-Dec-16 14:54:42

I'd speak to the mum without the children (if possible) and say 'Would Rosie like to come and play?'

encourage parent to come too and bring any siblings if they like/think child isn't ready to go on their own.

And then say that.

I'd be more than happy to send one twin!

catkind Fri 30-Dec-16 15:45:11

Thanks DrM, yes, I should be able to catch mum before the kids come out.

Iwantawhippet Fri 30-Dec-16 19:01:22

I like my twins to get separate invites so they get used to playing with other children. I wouldn't mind at all one not being invited.

Bungleboggs Fri 30-Dec-16 19:08:57

Yes to one being invited on a playdate. Will give the patents valuable rare 1-1 time with the other one.

Oxtailchambermaid Fri 30-Dec-16 19:11:19

I have twins in reception, and am a single Mum so maybe a different circumstance, but I'd love a play date invite for just one. I so very, very rarely get 1:1 time with either of them so it would be a total gift. And my DD would have no problem being at a friends house for a couple of hours, in fact she did this just before Christmas when a friend took pity on me and had her over so I could shop with just one. I guess it depends on if you are ok with having a 4/5 year old without a parent?

catkind Fri 30-Dec-16 19:49:23

Oh yes, would be happy to have the child on their own, I just wasn't sure how many receptioners would be happy going on their own the first time, or if the parents might want to check us out too. DS at that age would no way have gone anywhere without a parent, DD would prefer it, and I'm not sure which is more normal!

Thanks all, that's very reassuring, will ask their mum about friend-twin coming over and have in reserve for both to come if that works better for them.

smellyboot Fri 30-Dec-16 19:50:48

I know loads of twins and all would be fine with a one twin invite. Most are are actually in different classed from the other wtin so its perfdectly normal too. Same would apply for those in one class - although the one set I know in the same class in DC1s year are actually lumped into one identity by the DC lol

shouldwestayorshouldwego Fri 30-Dec-16 19:56:59

Generally I have found parents of twins happy for just one to come although it does depend partly on the relationship between the twins. Also a little easier if different sexes (one of ds's friends has a twin sister, sometimes they both come sometimes just one). You could offer to have one for one time and the other another time then it is fair but there is just one to play with at a time.

catkind Fri 30-Dec-16 20:01:53

They are b/g, but it's the boy that DD's friends with. I don't know if that helps or not!

MiaowTheCat Fri 30-Dec-16 20:18:52

I'd just ask the mum. Mine aren't quite twins but very very close in age (they were in the same preschool setting last year) and I'd rather people had asked than worry about doing "wrong" inviting one and not the other or whatever.

I don't think DD1's actually twigged that there are two girls in her class who are sisters and actually look like each other yet to be honest! They're just Mary and Lucy to her (names obviously changed)!

shouldwestayorshouldwego Fri 30-Dec-16 20:26:27

The parents I know of b/g twins seem generally more keen on separate play dates than the g/g ones. I would just have a discussion. It sometimes helps the mother too as she might arrange for a friend for ds friend's sister.

ARV1981 Fri 30-Dec-16 22:55:51

I'm a twin. It was always nice to be treated separately from my twin when we we're children. Not sure that helps though as all are different. Talk to the mum/dad and go from there.

Didiplanthis Sat 31-Dec-16 19:10:13

I have reception twins and I have specifically said it is OK to just ask one of them. I wont pretend it isn't hard on the other but mine are identical boys who have the same friends ( one form entry and both gravitate to the quieter ones ) so it's a tough lesson but one they need to learn. I want them to make their own relationships as individuals and also I don't trust them not to get more silly together ! I would speak to mum on your own if you can - alot will depend on their emotional maturity and how their mum sees their relationship. I think it is easier with b/g twins.

smellyboot Sat 31-Dec-16 19:14:02

I also think it depends on the twins. One set we know don't like being apart. The rest do in this kind of situation. Some are identical and some are not, some are B/G and some are B/B or G/G. I know several G/G twins who are polar opposite personalities too

Pengweng Tue 03-Jan-17 09:42:46

As long as you were happy for them to come on their own as obviously i would have to look after the other one still then I would be happy for one to get an invite. My gg twins could not be more different, they don't really share any interests and therefore normally don't share many friends as they gravitate towards those who like to play the same things.

Hope they have a nice time!

Hersetta427 Tue 03-Jan-17 14:12:19

My daughter's best friend is a twin. We often have her over without her twin. Her parents are fine about it, in fact they so wanted them to have separate friends they asked for them to be put into different classes in our two form primary.

mouldycheesefan Tue 03-Jan-17 14:24:51

I have twins, they have their own friends. They have always been in different classes. Many of their classmates wouldn't even know they had a twin. However other twins "come as a pair" so speak to the mum

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