How do you deal with name calling?

[LieInRequired]

DD (8) was in tears this evening. The main problem is that several boys in her class have started calling her a name that she does not like. I think it started off innocently with one boy just playing around with names and words, but it has now grown so much that this group never use her real name.

The name they are calling her has the first part of her own name followed by hog. So if her name was Susan, they would be calling her Suhog.

DD does tend to show all her emotions so I think these boys know she does not like it. Today some children in another year heard it and thought it was her real name. At a recent birthday party there were children from another school who also started calling her this name because they were encouraged by some of these boys.

DD has tried to ignore it but that has not helped. It has now got to the point where she does not want to go to school. I am going to try to talk to her teacher tomorrow morning. Is there anything I can do to help her? What should DD do when others call her this name? What should I ask her teacher to do?

[bojorojo]

Most schools operate a "golden rules" or similar policy on pupil behaviour. This usually states the expectation that children are kind to each other. Name calling is obviously not kind so I would expect the Head/teacher to take this seriously and speak to the boys concerned in order to reinforce the school's policy (do check they have one of course). If you are not familiar with it, is it on the website or can you get it from the school office? It is always best to know what the policy is before you talk about it!

Often children allow childish, silly things, escalate because they think it is fun and do not fully understand the feelings of others. The school should be able to deal with this. Sometimes a Head will do an assembly on how children should take the feelings of others into account. In many cases, children will accept they have made another child unhappy and will stop when a person with authority says they must and explains why it is unacceptable behaviour. Hope it goes well.

[LieInRequired]

Thank you. The school does have golden rules. I will check what they say.

[LieInRequired]

The charter includes being kind and respectful to others. So I could mention that.
I think the teacher will want to deal with this. He seems really kind. I am worried that because it is so close to the end of term no much will be achieved.
I think DD needs to feel that something has improved. Otherwise I will struggle with getting her to want to go back to school next term.

[Basicbrown]

To be clear this is bullying. You need to talk to the teacher if it has got past the stage where she is able to say 'No, you do not call me that, my name is xx' If it's at a birthday party they need to be pulled up on it by the lead parent.

It's very very common though, the school will have dealt with this type of things lots of times.

[ROSY2016]

That's how bullying starts .If she start to ignore at earlier stage, they will do more and more.

[bojorojo]

Yes, do mention what it says in the Charter and explain that the name-calling has escalated to an unacceptable level. The schools I know really do promote good behaviour but, of course, they cannot know what every child is saying, every minute of the day. It may be the case that the boys are doing it to other children so the school must act. Do let us know how you get on.

[LieInRequired]

I spoke to her teacher before school. He asked me the names of the children involved and said he would talk to them today and it would be stopped today. So I am hoping it all works out ok.

If I had known about it happening at the party, I would have said something when I picked her up at the end of the party. But it is probably better dealt with by the school rather than me talking to the parents.

[ROSY2016]

Yes it's always best to leave with school rather than talking to parents personally unless you know them very well.

[bojorojo]

Let's hope the boys grow up a bit!

On a slightly different issue - I think it is a male trait to call people names. My DH is 63 and still does it. Not to their faces, and he runs a very successful professional business, but he still thinks it is funny. He is forever changing people's names to something rude or stupid or both. I think people never said anything years ago so silly little boys just carried on with it as grown men. I find it childish and irritating, but I have noticed some other men seem to like the play on words and sounds - they seem to think it is clever and funny. He also told me that at his school (boy's grammar) that they developed a special language and spoke it within his group of friends. That appeared to involve ways to make derogatory comments about people without being caught. I have never met a single woman that does this. I sometimes think that had I known DH was going to continue to be a xxxx 40 years down the line, I might have thought twice about marrying him. It is lacking respect for others, lack of correction at an early age and generally infantile. Nothing I say ever makes any difference.