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Christmas Cards Cheekiness

(33 Posts)
Sadie82 Sat 10-Dec-16 22:19:26

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice. My daughter is in year 1 and is 5 years old. She loves christmas and so wanted to write cards for all her class. I was fine with this and we always do cards for all the class as we would hate anyone to feel left out.

It took around 2 1/2 hours for her to write them all with me helping her here and there. She took them in and everyone accepted them kindly apart from two girls who told her she hadnt written enough in the cards...she had only written 4 words...she should have written x amount (apparently!).
My daughter ended up apologising to the two girls, though I would say she wasnt very upset (she thought about it enough to tell me though)

Do you think I would be within my rights to tell the teacher what they said..or even have a word with their mums...if you dont think its the teachers job to deal with it?

My daughter is the first in the class to give out cards. Last year she gave everyone a card and got about 6 back...thats no problem as she enjoys giving them out...but I didnt expect that she would have to apologise while giving them out!

The girls are pretty nice but I think they are starting to get a little big for their boots as they are two of the oldest and arguably the cleverest in the class and I think it might be good for them just to realise that they need to be a little kinder.

I would probably just say to the teacher that my daughter worked quite hard on the cards and some of the girls gave her a hard time and she ended up apologising to them, which I dont think is fair.

Will the teacher think Im mental or fair?😂

irvineoneohone Sat 10-Dec-16 22:31:16

I would just leave it. I don't see it as big deal, but maybe it's just me.

MelanieCheeks Sat 10-Dec-16 22:36:14

Way overreaction . The girls were being rude, but i doubt anything you would say will suddenly turn them into angels.

Sadie82 Sat 10-Dec-16 22:41:09

Thanks for the quick reply...I can see where you are coming from...it is in fact a very little issue...I just feel that if my daughter critisiced someone who was giving her something out of kindness I would not be happy at all.

Sadie82 Sat 10-Dec-16 22:45:06

Haha...yes I think you are right...but not really attempting to turn them into Angels...was just hoping the teacher might give a general word about speaking with kindness....thanks for your reply

IhatchedaSnorlax Sat 10-Dec-16 22:48:54

Absolutely say nothing - I'm surprised you're even considering saying anything in the first instance confused

irvineoneohone Sat 10-Dec-16 22:50:44

I agree, if my ds said unkind things to others, I would tell him off.
But if you have to go into school every time someone said unkind/rude things to your child, you have to go in all the time, especially you have dd.(Since girls are more mature than boys!)

Haudyerwheesht Sat 10-Dec-16 22:51:13

Wouldn't even register it's not a big deal

Witchend Sat 10-Dec-16 23:00:05

That seems an odd thing to say: for two girls to come up with that it seems strange.
At that age almost all write:
"To you, Love Me" some of them might write "love from" and some might put xxx underneath, but that's pretty universal

I suspect something's been lost in translation with your dd there.

Telling the teacher "some of the girls gave her a hard time" = two of the girls said something that didn't really upset your dd, is a total exaggeration of the facts.

bretonpuffin Sat 10-Dec-16 23:01:35

Also have a 5yo in yr1 and think it's a compete non issue, sorry.

Kids that age say all kinds of unkind things to each other all the time. For instance my DD was recently talking to some girls in her class about her birthday next year, how she would invite them to her party etc and they told her that they would be busy that day!

I certainly wouldn't approach parents or teachers over it, choose your battles and all of that.

Sadie82 Sat 10-Dec-16 23:03:38

Thanks for your replies everyone...I honestly didnt think it was so strange to be considering it but I must be wrong....I just felt it was an unkind and bossy reaction and as I said I wouldnt be happy with my daughter if she acted the same way.

I have only ever talked to the teacher once since my daughter started nursery and school and that was about a boy hitting my daughter on and off for two weeks...Of course there have been many incidents that I havent mentioned to the teacher...I dont know...something about this incident just struck me as being mean and unnecessary....I suppose we all have different reactions.

Maverickismywingman Sat 10-Dec-16 23:04:45

Wouldn't bother mentioning it. But I do think it's really mature now your daughter handled the situation.

Sadie82 Sat 10-Dec-16 23:18:02

Thanks for the replies and thanks for the kind comment maverick.

Witchend...I dont believe my daughter made a mistake...I have been on school trips with the girls...and one of the girls that said that to my daughter was very critical of another little girl and how she sang the ABC song...she upset the other little girl very much and only stopped when I asked the little girl if she was ok, at which point she said "i didnt do anything" even though I hadnt asked her anything.

As I said the two girls are top of the class and they take it very seriously and are very competitive and their friendship is sort of new, so I think they are in the copy each other phase...where one says something and the other follows... I wasnt planning to exaggerate what they said...I just said "hard time" instead of typing up what they said again.

Thanks for the advice anyway

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity Sun 11-Dec-16 00:14:28

I certainly wouldn't make an appointment with the teacher about it but I actually think it would be a nice thing for the teacher to have a word with her class about being kind and gracious when accepting cards or gifts. They're very small and being taught good manners and behaviour at this stage is as important as being taught maths and English.
Our children have a weekly class called 'roots of empathy' where they are taught things like that as well as learning about child development. (It covers a huge range of stuff) This is they type of thing that would be covered at some stage.
If you happen to see the teacher you could perhaps quickly mention the incident?

BackforGood Sun 11-Dec-16 00:19:47

Definitely don't involve the teacher.

Do watch the 'Secret Life of 5 yr olds' series - all about how they are learning to negotiate the world at this age.

Sadie82 Sun 11-Dec-16 00:44:58

Thanks for the replies everyone and thank you "MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity" for understanding my point of view...I dont see whats so wrong in promoting kindness...the kids arent going to get in trouble and dont deserve to be, but perhaps they could do with learning how to treat others how they would like to be treated.

I would never have made an appointment about it...just thought I could grab 30 seconds with the teacher at drop off and if I couldnt...the issue would be dropped....I didnt even make an appointment to discuss the child hitting my daughter...just had a brief word with the teaching assistant.

I am trying to teach my daughter to toughen up a little....but at the same time why cant we also try to improve attitudes, instead of teaching kids to put up with it or act in a similar fashion and be cheeky to others.

I suppose my daughter should have gave them a witty comeback...or told them to shut up and ask for her card back...but thats not her style so instead she apologised to them for giving them a Christmas card!

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Sun 11-Dec-16 01:29:58

Your daughter sounds lovely OP. I think she did brilliantly. Maybe she's a bit more mature than them - as a PP said they are all learning about how to interact with each other when they're still so young.

catsarenice Sun 11-Dec-16 03:31:29

I would say something but in a more roundabout way - something along the lines of 'please can you keep an eye on her today as she's been feeling a bit sad because some children said something about her xmas cards - she's feeling a bit sensitive about it' and take it from there when the teacher asks. I think that shows that you realise it's not a huge issue but to your DD it is playing on her mind. Teachers often have to do general chats about kindness so they'll be fine with it.

irvineoneohone Sun 11-Dec-16 07:50:14

OP, there is nothing wrong with your POV. In fact, I feel the same.
Just have a chat with teacher like PP says, if you need to do it anyway.
But these things happen all the time, and I think it's part of growing up.
As PP says, your DD maybe more emotionally mature. Those girls who you say oldest and cleverest may be very competitive and felt threatened by your dd which prompted unkind comment.
Also, not all the parents raise their kids to be nice. Some parents are horrible, and their kids as well. Talk from teacher may not change that.

pinkieandperkie Sun 11-Dec-16 08:06:03

I wouldn't worry about it. Kids are bloody weird aren't they!

SharkBastard Sun 11-Dec-16 08:15:17

Did your daughter respond to them in any way? Kids can be very inconsiderate and rude so I've taught my DD to challenge such behaviours by asking them why they feel they need to respond in such a way.

I wouldn't bring it up with a teacher but I'd discuss it with DD and help her spread empathy in a more positive way. She dealt with it well enough, but it's always good to discuss these things and turn them into lessons on behaviour etc

AmaDablam Sun 11-Dec-16 08:45:23

I'd also be inclined to leave it. Say something to dd along the lines if "well I thought your cards were lovely and I know how hard you worked, it's a shame x and y didn't realise that" and maybe a chat about how it's nicer to simply say thank you when someone gives you something, even if it's not quite what you were expecting.

I'd actually feel a bit sorry for the girls in question as I'd hazard a guess that their criticism stems from their own parents making them sit down and write whole essays in their cards. Or possibly they've overheard mum and dad complaining over lack of content in cards they've received. They're only young still, you can't really blame them if they're just repeating what they've heard at home.

mrz Sun 11-Dec-16 08:55:37

The girls were rude ...end of!

Sadie82 Sun 11-Dec-16 11:44:21

Thanks for the replies everyone, especially Olivia for your kind comments about my daughter.
Honestly the girls are very mature...I almost think that could be the problem. They give off an almost school prefect kind of vibe, where they think their opinion tops everyone elses and is needed at all times. My daughter on the other hand is a very happy go lucky girl who is very positive....and goes out of her way not to hurt peoples feelings.

Shark...my daughter didnt respond in any way apart from to apologise...as I said earlier she needs to toughen up...but why should I have to teach my daughter to toughen up and they not be taught to improve on their kindness to others...it should be a two way street.

These girls are not horrible at all and Amadablam I dont think the situation you describe is applicable to them.....if I had to describe it I would say they perhaps have been taught to be a little entitled and over confident.
I think they are very competitive and maybe they were jealous of her in that moment as Irvine suggested..and thats fine but at the same time my daughter is not there to take their moods especially when she did something kind.

Catsarenice...thats exactly what I was imagining...that the teacher could give the class a quick word about kindness at christmas time....I think some of the initial replies assumed I wanted them caned or something...even though I repeatedly said i think it would be nice to just create a discussion on kindness.

I have already been accused by one poster of exaggerating the situation Catsarenice, so I dont really want to go to the teacher and say my daughter was upset, but just simply say she was a bit blue (her words) because they were a little critical of her writing and she worked hard on the cards and its unfair she has to apologise for that.

Amadablam I dont want to blame the kids for anything, but how will they learn anything if its forgotten when they do something unkind...and in my book what they did was unkind and was rude as mrz said.

titchy Sun 11-Dec-16 12:02:52

I think the term 'toughening up' is a bit inaccurate actually. You certainly shouldn't 'toughen' her up - that could massively backfire! But you should be thinking in terms of emotional resilience. Every kid will have knock-backs, from other kids not playing nicely to failed exams. Dealing with those knock backs in a healthy way is vital.

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