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Angry with teacher

(228 Posts)
CleverQuacks Fri 09-Dec-16 16:39:29

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

FranKatzenjammer Fri 09-Dec-16 16:42:00

Why does his behaviour at school count towards his kickboxing grading? I did judo and karate as a child and that seems bizarre to me.

hesterton Fri 09-Dec-16 16:42:09

So you wanted her to write nice stuff whatever his behaviour was like. It doesn't work like that. You forced her hand - she has perhaps been trying to sort it herself before bringing you in.

Pattakiller Fri 09-Dec-16 16:43:08

I would be very unhappy that this is the first you have heard of it. Make an appointment with her next week to discuss.

irvineoneohone Fri 09-Dec-16 16:52:52

I think this teacher is completely out of order.
And what your ds had done is completely reasonable by bringing in the form on Monday to give the teacher plenty of time. And tbh, she just needed tick boxes instead of writing negative comment.
What is wrong with her? I would be really angry if I was in your position.
If she has problem with his behaviour/attitude, etc, she should have raised it with you earlier, not when she can ruin his chance of doing something positive. angry

CleverQuacks Fri 09-Dec-16 16:57:19

Just to be clear, I don't want her to lie about my sons behaviour and I will be speaking to him about it because it is not acceptable. I will also be checking in with the teacher to ensure it improves. All things I could have done sooner if she had just told me!!

I just feel like she has taken the opportunity to do something spiteful by spoiling his grading instead of doing the professional thing and raising the issue with us.

irvineoneohone Fri 09-Dec-16 16:59:02

Fran, my ds does martial arts, and if he used skill outside the club, he will not be allowed to attend class. Bad behaviour at school has consequence at my ds's club as well. It's all about discipline,respect etc.

ellanutella8 Fri 09-Dec-16 20:42:33

You have asked a person for something completely outside of their job. They have done it and you are unhappy with the result.

When you ask GPs or other professionals to complete paperwork they will often charge you. This teacher has done it for free within a week.

It has also been a good 5/6 weeks since 'before half term'. Plenty of time for behaviour to deteriorate but not major enough to warrant getting in touch yet if there are others with more serious behaviour/SEND concerns.

Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.

irvineoneohone Fri 09-Dec-16 23:48:49

4 tick box question too much to ask the teacher with one week notice?

But I wonder why op's ds didn't behave knowing he needed positive approval
from the teacher though.
But I still think it's unreasonable writing negative comment( about reading? confused )on something that determines that is important for the child without raising it with op.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Fri 09-Dec-16 23:57:05

He took the form in on Monday.So the teacher had opportunity to talk to you or him about any issues. My kids ' school is very supportive of their out of school activities,even awarding my son and daughter awards and displaying trophies for things they have achieved out of school. When there were minor issues with ds behaviour this year, the teacher asked to see me so it was quickly sorted out. I think the teacher is being unhelpful, and yes,unreasonable

Cosmicglitterpug Sat 10-Dec-16 00:02:07

I'm a teacher and taking this as said, I'd say YANBU. Issues such as behaviour should be brought to a parent's attention at the first instance.

CauliflowerSqueeze Sat 10-Dec-16 00:06:37

I think your concern should be regarding your son's poor behaviour at school rather than the fact he's cross he might not get his martial arts grading because of it.

If he is disrespectful that is a problem. And if he is not reading enough then that's something you can get on top of.
I would meet with her but make the focus of the meeting how you want to support her in helping him improve, and book a follow up meeting in 4 weeks to find out if there has been a problem. A club would surely accept that you would bring along the tick sheet in 4 weeks to show improvement.

ellanutella8 Sat 10-Dec-16 09:40:43

Yes too much too ask as it wasn't simply ticking the boxes was it? Plus teacher likely had meetings, club, planning meetings etc after school every day. The only 'free" time I have is on a Thursday after school and I wouldn't want to spend it doing admin for a judo class.

MrsGsnow18 Sat 10-Dec-16 09:46:01

Is the kickboxing done outside of school? I can understand why extra paper work might be annoying for a teacher but do think if she had major concerns regarding your sons behaviour then she should have discussed with you.

Bluntness100 Sat 10-Dec-16 09:49:50

Whereas clearly you have a right to be annoyed the teacher didn't bring it to your attention sooner, I do think you should be more angry with your son for his poor behaviour. The issue is not the teacher didn't tell you, the root issue is uour son is not behaving. Not getting his grading is because of his behaviour, not because of the teacher not telling you. I think you're focusing on the teacher, but the responsibility for the behaviour and the potential fail in grading is your sons and he would have known. So I think a personal responsibility lesson here.

Sorry, I wouldn't blame the teacher, I'd blame my son and ensure he realised the reason he wasn't getting the grading was because he failed to do his reading and was disrespectful.

I'd speak to the teacher just to say let me know how it goes and I'd check in with her to ensure he was improving, but for me the primary responsibility here is uour sons.

SuperPug Sat 10-Dec-16 09:55:31

YANBU if this is an ongoing problem and she's just mentioned it.
YABU if it perhaps refers to behaviour very recently, over this week. From your comment, I'm not 100% clear.
It doesn't take long to sign a form (we do this with report cards) but she may be swamped with stuff at the moment, hence the reaction.
Sorry, I'm not a primary teacher but there seems to be disproportionate amount of threads on here about being angry/furious/ "insert word" with a teacher who is normally being stretched in all directions.

SuperPug Sat 10-Dec-16 09:57:25

Also have to agree with blunt.
There are too many incidents of teacher blame before looking at whether the child may be at fault and parents addressing this.

Helenluvsrob Sat 10-Dec-16 10:00:21

Op you are lucky the teacher even agreed to do the form. It's hardly in her job description is it ?
You see it as a simple a4 form but that's on top of " the day job" for no pay ?
Your solicitor would smile and say it'll take 2 weeks and cost £30 or similar ...
And the issue seems to be his behaviour

OpalTree Sat 10-Dec-16 10:06:47

I agree. You don't seem to be cross with your son for his poor behaviour at all. Only with the teacher.

irvineoneohone Sat 10-Dec-16 10:52:50

I agree that if he couldn't do grading, it was ultimately his fault for bad behaviour, but I find it sad that some teachers say signing a form for outside school activity is not in their job description.
My ds' school celebrate children's achievement outside of school. I have no doubt that any teacher in his school would be happy to sign such a form. Or am I being delusional?

CleverQuacks Sat 10-Dec-16 11:27:53

Just to be clear I have said that I will be working with the school to ensure my sons behaviour improves as it is not acceptable.

I think it's a sad world we live in if asking a teacher to complete 4 tick boxes on a form that is connected to the positive development of a child is asking to much!

KittyVonCatsington Sat 10-Dec-16 11:38:31

I think it's a sad world we live in if asking a teacher to complete 4 tick boxes on a form that is connected to the positive development of a child is asking to much!

Would you have expected your GP to fill out the same form, if asked by your son's instructor, for free and straight away? And it obviously wasn't just 4 tick boxes if there was space given to write comments about the behaviour? If she had written good things, you would still have been annoyed she didn't complete the form ASAP and I don't think that is right.

However, YANBU to have been told about your son's behaviour in this way. If you hadn't asked regarding the form, you still wouldn't know about his behaviour so yes I would enquire further.

KittyVonCatsington Sat 10-Dec-16 11:39:07

Didn't mean to strikethrough your comment OP. Sorry.

mrz Sat 10-Dec-16 12:48:20

*"*^*I agree that if he couldn't do grading, it was ultimately his fault for bad behaviour, but I find it sad that some teachers say signing a form for outside school activity is not in their job description*^*"*

Would you expect a doctor to do the same?

irvineoneohone Sat 10-Dec-16 12:58:00

You too, Mrz...sad

No, maybe I don't expect doctors to do the same, no.
But I have a experience of gp writing a letter for ds' school admission for free. I asked on the phone, went to get the letter and fully expected to pay, but the receptionist said DR said no charge.
Also his consultants at hospital, speech language therapist, they did the letter for ds for free as well. I think I was just surrounded by kind hearted people.
If the teacher can't be excited about their students achilevement, it is indeed sad world for me. I maybe delusional, but I have so much memories of great teachers who gone extra mile in my childhood.

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