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Should I mention this to teacher or am I being hugely PFB

(18 Posts)
WildNightsWithAndyDay Fri 25-Nov-16 18:29:58

Ds was 4 in August. He was born at 34 weeks and is still very small for his age. He's in reception at a small village school (only 19 in class) and looks absolutely tiny compared to the others. He's also very self conscious and very shy.

Every Friday at school they do an awards ceremony where certificates are awarded to learner of the week, sports person of the week and friend of the week. The names are also listed in the school newsletter.

DS hasn't been awarded any of these once. For the last three Fridays when I've collected DS he's been in tears because he hasn't had a certificate. One boy in his class told him he'd never get a certificate because he's a baby. I've looked back and ever other child in the class has been awarded one of the certificates at least once.

Should I ask the teacher what he needs to do to be awarded a certificate? Or will I look like a crazy person? At parents evening she told me he was doing really well and was really trying hard.

I know it's only a little thing but every Friday he's so excited thinking it's going to be him then I have to spend half the evening calming him down and reassuring him he's not a baby and not being naughty at school.

Gizlotsmum Fri 25-Nov-16 18:32:16

Actually I would approach the teacher about what the other boy said.. it may be the prompt she needs

ageingrunner Fri 25-Nov-16 18:34:54

This happened to my son, and it turned out the teacher had forgotten him. Obviously not ideal but it was a genuine mistake and she was really apologetic. He got the certificate the following week. I would talk to the teacher and also mention that he is being called names by the other little boy. Separate issue to him not getting a certificate though.

chillipopcorn1 Fri 25-Nov-16 18:37:59

I would absolutely mention this to the teacher (I am a primary school teacher). It may be that she hasn't made her way to your son yet or that as PP said he got missed off by accident. Sadly these things happen, even with the best will in the world. If I were his teacher I'd want to know so I could make it up to him ASAP! Also about name calling (as a separate issue) as this needs to be monitored.

TheTroubleWithAngels Fri 25-Nov-16 18:40:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tictactoad Fri 25-Nov-16 18:41:19

I would and have asked about similar and DS was in the juniors. The teacher was working her way through the class but made sure he got the next gong.

Yawnyawnallday Fri 25-Nov-16 18:44:57

Not Pfb. Pls mention. It would give him such a boost and the little treasure who made that remark needs some serious circle time. Or whatever way the teacher decides to tackle his comment.

Angelik Fri 25-Nov-16 18:46:02

Definitely say something. I experienced similar earlier in year with ds 6. Despite doing really well (top achieving groups) he never got recognition. Culminated day before going back to school after half term when he burst into tears and said he was a terrible person. Broke my heart.

When i spoke to teacher she said she hasn't given him a reward because she knew he was capable of more but he's 6. He just thought he wasn't good enough. I asked what more he had to do to get praise (in incredulous tone). She conceded. He received 2 certifcates the following week (as a gesture i expect)and it totally changed him. He was happier AND doing more.

A good teacher will be receptive to your concerns and this is a genuine one.

Witchend Fri 25-Nov-16 19:40:43

Is that school wide or form wide?
Because if it's school wide they're going to be few and far between.
If it's form wide approach the teacher.

The best way to approach is often along the lines of "he's desperate to get one, how can he work towards one" (if it's form wise it's probably on a rotation. I have strong suspicion that ds's last three teachers do it alphabetically as he's had 3 over the course of each year and, if you compare the dates they're all at exactly the same time of year within a fortnight)

In his case I would start by saying what the other boy said. Wait for the teacher to assure you that of course he will get one, then ask how he can get one. You can add that he thinks everyone else has had one. Saying you know that's the case may put her back up, but you can put it as he says all the others have and she'll probably say that's not the case, but may well go and check afterwards.

What's probably happened is each child will get each one at least once over the year, and they're all on a different rota, and it just happens he's at the bottom end of each.
But look on the bright side of that: he's not a pain in the neck or he'd have had them all by now. wink

WildNightsWithAndyDay Fri 25-Nov-16 19:42:31

Phew, thanks glad to hear I'm not going to sound like a loon. I'll definitely mention about the name calling too.

I just worry I'm being so over protective of him but seeing how hard he's trying and looking at his little confused face when it isn't him again just breaks my heart!

WildNightsWithAndyDay Fri 25-Nov-16 19:45:02

That's how I feel angelic, having a just turned 4 year old feel not good enough is just horrible.

witch it's each form so a 3/19 chance of getting one each week.

ziggitypop Fri 25-Nov-16 21:06:44

Oh I could have posted this myself, not a single reward of any kind for ds yet his best friend has had 3 this term!! When I ask I get told he's doing really well.
Nobody wants to be THAT parent do they?
But it's hard to see your dc not getting rewarded and being upset by it.
Are you going to have a chat op? Good luck and keep us post

theothersideoftheworld Fri 25-Nov-16 21:06:56

Op my ds is August too and tiny. He hasn't won 'star of the week' yet but he hasn't mentioned it either to me. If he had or told me one of the others had told him he was a baby I would speak to the teacher.
I think it's really important at this age to boost their confidence at school.
Mine fell asleep on the carpet at school today. My poor little one x

WildNightsWithAndyDay Fri 25-Nov-16 21:30:23

I'll definitely speak to the teacher on Monday and update, glad to hear I'm not the only one.

They do just get so exhausted don't they otherside. I think that's part of the reason he gets so upset as it's last thing on a Friday when he's just shattered and everything seems terrible.

theothersideoftheworld Fri 25-Nov-16 22:04:26

They do. A few weeks ago he fell asleep in his lunch and had to be carried to the nurses room for a nap.
He's my pfb too, I seem to live in a constant state of anxiety about him! On the plus side though he really doesn't know that he's the smallest and youngest, I make a point of never saying anything in front of him. He loves school too, it would be awful if he was crying everyday going in. I think my nerves would be shot to bits if that was the case!!

2ndSopranos Sat 26-Nov-16 07:31:26

We have this with dd1. She's a high achiever and I wonder if they think she doesn't need recognition as a result. The one that upsets her the most is the good behaviour award which in her four and a bit years at school she's had twice. Actually I did ask the teacher last year what she needed to do to improve her behaviour (always described as exemplary...). Oddly enough she got the good behaviour award that week.

Star of the week she isn't bothered about but she has started to ask why she should behave in class as her teacher never notices. This bothers me hugely and I'm keeping an eye on the situation.

Amaried Sat 26-Nov-16 18:34:19

On a complete side note, Posts like that make me glad I don't live in England, The age cut up doesn't allow for any individuality at all.
In Ireland, there is not limit as such, so the parents decide whether a child goes at 4 or 5, Not a perfect system by any means but I think does allow for more flexability than the UK system

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 26-Nov-16 18:59:36

The whole point of awards is recognition of effort, and most of all, to be motivating - if the awards system isn't achieving that across the board, then what's the point?

If he's doing well as the teacher says, then that needs to be recognised, and he deserves to be motivated as much as everyone else.

Definitely say something, and agree with others, that the teasing issue with the other boy is just as much of an issue.

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