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Child unhappy, bad behaviour at school, help

(8 Posts)
TribbleTrouble Wed 16-Nov-16 18:59:32

So we were pulled aside by teacher today, and it turns out oldest (yr1) has been hitting other children at school. He has been spoken to, but a bit of probbing has resulted in him saying he's overwhelmed and unhappy. He's also been uncharacteristically clingy as well the last few weeks as well.

I'm devastated at the thought of him being unhappy at school, and that he's acting out as well. I've emailed the teacher to ask for a meeting with her. He does have friends at school and is a social little thing, I think the transition to yr 1 has hit him hard though. He's saying he wants me to come to school with him.

Any advice over what the teacher might suggest? Would they back off the work for him for a bit? Give him more play opportunities? I honestly don't care about results etc, I just want him to be happy.

icecreamvan Thu 17-Nov-16 12:42:11

I had this with my son too. He wasn't happy until Year 2 and that's when I felt he was ready for school.

In our experience school didn't back off or allow more play. They just said this is the way it is and everybody has to fit in whether its easy for them or not. They weren't interested in the reasons behind what was happening at all.

My son went through a period of 2/3 years where he was happy at school - but now he's back to finding it unbearable again. I think this new curriculum is largely responsible for this. When it all becomes about SATs it gets a lot worse.

Sorry for no positive feedback. I just saw that no one had replied and kind of wanted to help, but think I probably haven't.

In our case, I wish that I had homeschooled until Year 2. Let my son play and teach him in a more relaxed way at home. Its something I am contemplating doing again now ...

bojorojo Thu 17-Nov-16 18:46:22

I think a meeting with the teacher is important and you have organised that. It is unlikely he can play on his own, but you could discuss if the teacher has noticed anything that triggers his behaviour and consider if the triggers can be avoided. It is not necessarily work related - most children want to learn and relish the challenges.

Can he articulate why he feels overwhelmed? (Presumably he did not use this word). Is it a noisy classroom, too busy or is he unclear about what he should be doing? How does he feel just before he hits another child? Why have they annoyed him?

I do think that behaviour in y1 needs to be addrsssed and maybe you could discuss with the teacher why she thinks his behaviour has changed (assuming nursery and YR were ok). What can she do to help? Could a Teaching Assistant look out for him and guide him?

You should also make sure he understands that he is not to hit other children and try and find a way to prevent this happening.Are some other children working out what buttons to push to get him to react for example? If so, devise a strategy to walk away.

Clearly most children go to school quite happily. Frankly I think this is a blip and if you work with the school it can be overcome and he will be happy.

NightNightBadger19962 Thu 17-Nov-16 18:56:07

Ask if they have Place2Be or nurture groups, or if he can have some 1:1 or small group time. Some primaries can do some lovely interventions, like helping with gardening, also whatever plan you make with them, ask to set a date for when you will next review it to see how it is going.

NightNightBadger19962 Thu 17-Nov-16 18:58:45

Also, you don't have to answer this, but could there be things at home upsetting him - recent changes to his routine, siblings affecting him, losses or a need for individual attention.

GreenGinger2 Thu 17-Nov-16 20:47:54

He won't get a 1to1 for hitting other children. Children with SEN are the priority.

They definitely won't back off work.confused He is there to learn.

You'll need to listen to the teacher,find out what he/ she thinks and support them.

TribbleTrouble Thu 17-Nov-16 22:56:45

Green Whilst he is there to learn, I don't care about that side of things. An unhappy stressed child isn't going to engage with their learning. My main priority is that he is happy at school, if he's overwhelmed by the work, then why can't I ask them if there is a way for them to give him breathing room?

Plus, I already stated that we were dealing with the hitting, we've spoken about it and have discussed ways of dealing with his emotions and he was disciplined for his behaviour.

He is on their radar for possible SEN issues as well, and we're trying to get that side of things sorted.

I'm not saying he's an angel, but this hitting is hugely uncharacteristic behaviour for him, and coupling that with his behaviour at home has me concerned.

night I went on a placement block where I was doing long shifts, literally the only thing that changed.

TribbleTrouble Thu 17-Nov-16 23:10:35

I'm sorry if I've been rude, this has me worried at the moment. I do appreciate all the advise.

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