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Ds not settling at school

(5 Posts)
Squashberry Tue 15-Nov-16 07:47:34

We've just moved to a new area so both Dcs started a new school. We looked at several schools as it was really important they go somewhere they'll get a good education and have caring teachers etc. Dd decided on a school a little way away, rated outstanding by Ofsted and a couple of people commented on how great the headteacher was etc, children seemed happy and polite when we visited . Ds wasn't bothered where he went which was fine by me as he is such a socailable happy little boy I knew he'd make friends. He's been at this school a couple of weeks now and hasn't seemed to make friends and it seems some children are being quite unkind to him. He hasn't gotten too upset about this yet as he is really positive by nature,but I can tell little by little its getting to him. Everytime I ask him about his day and he says whats happened he'll make excuses for people "they kept kicking over what i was playing with because they're eyes must see different and they thought it was a ball" or "he was being naughty to me but its okay". Have spoken to his teacher who says he is always smiling in class and agreed to pair him up with a buddy to play with. This hasn't seemed to happen yet and everytime I ask him seems like something new has happened. I even witnessed a little girl telling him off even though he was just stood there smiling (she didn't notice I was there). I would change schools but dd is settled and she was really anxious about starting a new school plus don't want to keep changing their schools but seriously considering just changing ds school if I can get them both in class on time. Ds is five.

smellyboot Tue 15-Nov-16 09:02:18

Keep talking to the teacher - they are still very young and finding their way.
Personally I think it's way to soon to even consider the headache of two schools. Maybe he just doesn't like it just now and is coming up with things to tell you? I wouldn't over think the girl 'telling him off'. My DS had a girl who was so fond of him she used to mother him and tell him off all the time lol. Can you invite a friend from his new class over to play or something? Everything is new to him - house, school, area. Give him time

Squashberry Tue 15-Nov-16 09:15:30

Maybe I am rushing into thinking of changing schools, its just really stressing me out. He's not actually coming and telling me this information. I have to ask him to get any info about his school day (you know what kids can be like) and even then he's not trying to get anyone in trouble and he's not the kind of child to say negative stuff for the sake of it or for attention.

I wouldn't know how to start as I haven't spoken to any of the mums and also he hasn't seemed to have made any friends, thats the problem. So there isn't anyone to invite.

irvineoneohone Tue 15-Nov-16 09:46:39

I also think it's early days, especially for 5 years olds.
Why don't you ask your ds if he wants to invite someone. If he hasn't got any yet, it's ok. But he may have someone. It doesn't have to be to the proper play date. It can just be going to playground after school for 30 minutes or something.

LikeaBatoutofHull Tue 15-Nov-16 10:00:33

Children can be quite tribal, particularly in the playground. Suspicion of the stranger is a primitive response that can make it difficult for new arrivals to integrate.

I would certainly ask the teacher to take measures to reinforce the message of being kind and welcoming to others, particularly children new to the school. It is crucial that the children don’t fall into a persistent pattern of behaviour in which your DS is designated the role of outsider and scapegoat.

It’s only been a couple of weeks and the group dynamics will still be flexible. The children are very young. Your DS is easy going. All these factors increase the odds that he will eventually settle and be accepted by his peers.

But it is certainly an issue to take seriously and it sounds as if the teacher and school need to be made aware of the current difficulties.

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