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Parents Evening last night and came away feeling like crap

(80 Posts)
Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 08:55:41

I had my parents evening last night for my 4 year old who started Reception in September, I came away feeling like a failed parent. I'm not sure if the school is expecting to much or indeed my child is behind, but for a summer born 4 year old to be able to write 1-10 and add and subtract one from numbers (Writing the number not just visual which she can do) and write words like Cat, Dog etc too much???
She does not have full hand motor skills yet so I don't expect her to be even able to write properly yet? So when the teacher said that by the end of the school year they expect her to be writing sentences, again I was surprised.

My daughter can count 1-20 and add and subtract 1 verbally and knows all her phonic sounds and can pronounce words like MAT, CAT, BAT, DOG, FROG etc and easily reconize them and write some letters and also knows all her 2D shapes (Square, Triangle, circle,oval etc) but they are expecting her to now know 3D shapes!

Are the School asking to much as my feeling was all they really care about are their KPI's and not learning at my daughter's pace.

Please let me know your thoughts, as at the moment I really want to write something on the feedback report other than Bugger off I will home school her!

Featherhead Fri 11-Nov-16 08:59:40

This is ridiculous. First reception parents eve should be about how well kids have settled in etc.

My dd is not summer born and can't do any of the things you say they expect. Can't read a word except her own name. I'm certain it will come in time. Meanwhile she has made friends and is happy at school, can listen, follow routines etc. So the school are pleased and so am I.

missyB1 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:04:01

At four years old my ds could hardly hold the pencil never mind write any letters! His fine motor skills were poor. Now he's nearly 8 and has very neat hand writing smile

Your dd is clearly bright so don't worry, she will get there in her own time. State schools are obsessed with targets and what their pupils MUST achieve by certain stages etc.. it's all about the school and unfortunately not about the child. I was lucky ds was in a private school where they supported and encouraged him, they focussed on his great reading skills and articulate conversation to boost his confidence.
Just carry on doing what you do with your dd and take what the teacher said with a pinch of salt!

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:04:34

Well I'm guessing it's not just her and all kids are required to have the same learning milestones.

My daughter is summer born but I never felt, and it never wasa reason for her to be behind. That was never a message I gave her and it was never a get out of jail card.

The schools job is to enable the children, to teach them and you'd be surprised how fast they learn, they are like little sponges.

Although I do think these are quite tough targets, I would see them as an exciting challenge rather than simply be depressed and feel shit about it. If she doesn't achieve, so what, just have fun learning.

Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:04:56

Thank-you Featherhead I was ready to cry last night after the meeting, my husband said a few choice words under his breath after the meeting but I knew they were asking too much. I really don't like this teacher at all, they should be learning through play not stuck at a desk writing!

Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:09:50

Bluntness100 the difference between a 5 year old and 4 year old writing at this age is quite a difference. In Pre school her friend who turned 4 when she was just 3 could write her name, so yes there is a difference, but I have never given my daughter this message. The teacher seems to think it is okay for a 4 year old who can't write properly and a 5 year old who can should be doing the same tasks.

mouldycheesefan Fri 11-Nov-16 09:13:36

Yes by the end of the year they will be writing sentences. You will be surprised how quickly they learn.
I think you have taken it a bit personally, teacher has told you the targets so you can work with your child to achieve them and support them. I wouldn't see myself as a failed parent if they were not already hitting all targets. It's not a parental performance review.

Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:18:22

I am taking it personally mouldycheesefan because this parents evening should be about how see settled in and where they think she is the EYFS, not about bloody KPI's.

TeaPleaseLouise Fri 11-Nov-16 09:19:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Featherhead Fri 11-Nov-16 09:21:46

She will get there OP. It is really too early in her little life to worry about academic progress. The foundations are there for her to learn.
As long as she is making progress don't worry about the targets at this stage.

Only1scoop Fri 11-Nov-16 09:25:01

Ridiculous Op, please don't worry. I was told my dd was 'the only one in the class' who couldn't write her name when she was in reception. I started to get all concerned and then remembered....she's only four.

Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:25:25

Thanks everyone, I just want her to have fun at school in her first year, not tied to a desk writing when she can't do this yet, she refuses to do her homework, so I am not going to bother with it now until she can write properly.

irvineoneohone Fri 11-Nov-16 09:25:42

Don't worry. At the beginning of reception, difference between summer born and autumn/winter born are huge. But by end ks1/ start ks2, you can't really tell who is summer born child.

Playing with lego, beads works, colouring, making craft etc., the things children enjoy, actually help with fine motor skills, which improves writing skills.

Rhythmsticks Fri 11-Nov-16 09:26:57

Eyes should be about learning through play. The only structured lesson my dd has is 15 minutes of phonics a day. Sounds like a crap teacher, I wouldn't worry op!

AalyaSecura Fri 11-Nov-16 09:28:13

DS is summer born, and when he was in reception, he didn't write until about Easter time, he just couldn't replicate the shapes of numbers or letters with his writing. He's now doing great. I was lucky that the teacher wasn't that worried about it, but he was behind most of the others. But it was purely physiological, he loves writing now. Have a look at fine motor skills practice ideas, there have been threads on here about it - handwriting practice may not be the best way to develop this, it just frustrated DS immensely.

PerspicaciaTick Fri 11-Nov-16 09:29:40

If your reception aged child is definitely spending most of their time at a desk, then there is something very wrong with the school. I don't know of any reception classes that aren't focused on learning through play.
Maybe time to look for a different school?

Only1scoop Fri 11-Nov-16 09:30:11

No don't sweat it....'homework' should be looking through books together and fun counting games. Not hours spent on cursive handwriting etc.

BathshebaDarkstone Fri 11-Nov-16 09:38:03

DS 5 is summer born and in year 1. He's got his first spelling test next Friday, the days of the week! shock He can't write them without looking at them, so he's screwed. sad

MiaowTheCat Fri 11-Nov-16 09:45:20

Bloody hell. DD1 is summer born (and a preemie as well so should be classed as even later summer born than she is) and her first parents evening this year was all how she'd grasped all the rules, made loads of friends... oh and from the baseline we've done she's doing fine but we're not worrying about that at all yet.

She could read and spell (using magnetic letters or similar) CVC words - but her pencil grip is still shit (we're working on it) - fine motor skills were the area she really lagged behind slightly because of being premature. All I've ever heard is it as an area they're working on with her (with things like play dough, threading beads etc - not sitting her at a desk with a "you will write" attitude) and I'd be pissed off if it was anything else really.

Thankfully we've really fallen on our feet and DD1's reception teacher is fantastic and really "gets" DD1.

Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 09:55:03

Looks like I am are getting the play dough/aquabeads/plasticine out this weekend then to work on the pencil grip hmm deep joy and lots of mess shock

irvineoneohone Fri 11-Nov-16 09:58:49

If she need to learn 3d shapes, making these maybe fun.
Cutting/pasting helps fine motor as well.
My ds loved making 3d models when he was your dd's age.

3d shape models

gillybeanz Fri 11-Nov-16 10:04:51

The teacher sounds like she was giving targets for the rest of the year.
It's a long time between now and July in terms of ability and learning.

They learn a lot through crafts and making things. This would be a way of learning 3d shapes.
I started with the little fun learning books at this age too. You can get some really good ones now in places like The Works. Just a few mins each day as a game and they come on in leaps and bounds.

gillybeanz Fri 11-Nov-16 10:06:41

I agree that homework should be a fun activity you do with mum or Dad at this age.

Karenhibbert2 Fri 11-Nov-16 10:08:39

Will make a cylinder this weekend as that seems the easier 3D shape to start with using the inside of a toilet roll and adding ends. Thanks Ladies for all the good comments and ideas.

lacebell10 Fri 11-Nov-16 11:09:50

Were they the next steps are xxxx xx ? Or she should be doing xxxxx and We are disappointed she's not? If the latter, find a new school ..... Ours are working on phonics and writing each letter individually. Learning about the solar system and pretending to be astronauts and couting moon stones.

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