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Not sending DS to school!!

(17 Posts)
YesAnastasia Tue 08-Nov-16 17:12:36

DS is autistic, in Y3 & has been struggling to cope since the beginning of the year.

There have been no provisions put in place (other than 'the staff look out for him') and eventually it all got too much & he self harmed in class (this wasn't witnessed or dealt with at the time)

He has deteriorated since and has now been having violent meltdowns every time he is at school. There is nothing in place to stop him hurting himself or other children.

I have kept him home this week and am not prepared to send him back in unless he is monitored and looked after properly. I can already tell they're going to pressure me to send him back in but I can't keep doing that to him.

What are my rights? Having this happen every day at school is making it worse & keeping him at home is making him better. It's making me ill.

Mary21 Tue 08-Nov-16 17:26:02

I would post over on Sn children. Does he have an EHPC. If not start the application process. You can do this yourself. The IPSEA website is helpful and has template letters. It sounds as if he needs a full assessment to know what his needs are and what provision he needs. Also SOSSEN are probity worth contacting.
Ensure you document all your correspondence. E mail is great for this.
Do you want him to go back to school with support or would you rather home educate?

LIZS Tue 08-Nov-16 17:33:10

Look up the safeguarding policy. Ask what specific measures are in place to safeguard your Ds and the other children and staff from the consequences of his behaviour.

YesAnastasia Tue 08-Nov-16 17:50:42

It's more traffic here. I've already made a parent referral for an EHCP and the Ed Psych is coming in.

I am going to check the safeguarding policy & contact SOSSEN.

I want him to go to school with support but they're not prepared to put any in place. I have depression & anxiety already & this is making me ill.

I'm not going to just roll over & accept this. I can't - in good conscience - do this to my child when I know it is harming his mental wellbeing.

lougle Tue 08-Nov-16 18:08:52

I'd love to say that you'll be able to force their hand to provide the support you think your DS needs. However, in the short term, you will possibly find yourself in a situation where you are building an unauthorised absence profile and the only option open to you will be to return him to school or withdraw him to Home Educate. You can't force them to give him any additional support if they don't think it is necessary, unless you have a watertight EHCP that states that it must be given.

You can make an official complaint following the complaints procedure, which will trigger a review by senior staff and/or the governors, but really all that will do is establish whether they are following their procedures - if they are, but they don't agree with you over the level of support needed, it won't get you anywhere.

Mary21 Tue 08-Nov-16 18:11:36

Have you got this

Fairenuff Tue 08-Nov-16 22:46:46

When was he diagnosed and what provision was there for him last year?

Wolfiefan Tue 08-Nov-16 22:50:10

Document everything. Every failing on their part. They need a formal plan to support him. Sorry that hasn't happened. Poor boy. Sounds like they are setting him up to fail.

Blossomdeary Tue 08-Nov-16 23:04:42

The SEND coordinator has to make a proper provision plan for any child with a special need regardless of whether they have an EHCP. I am the SEND governor at a primary school and there are levels of need and the SEND coordinator has to demonstrate that the proper provision is in place.

Look on their website for their SEND policy and also their safeguarding policy and go armed with the details. If he has a diagnosis of autism he should be on their register of pupils with SEND and they are obliged to make proper provision, which should be documented.

If you get no joy, write to the chair of the governors - these details will be on the website.

BackforGood Tue 08-Nov-16 23:48:22

What happened last year?
You say he has been struggling to cope since the beginning of the year.

Has he had support in school which has since been withdrawn?
Has he had individual plans in place before?
Have you previously had meetings with the SENCo?
Have the school got a history of supporting him and then something has changed?
When did he get his diagnosis?

YesAnastasia Wed 09-Nov-16 02:18:30

I know lougle I fear all that is true. What I don't understand is why? Are they fighting me because of money? Defending themselves? Because they genuinely believe the help is not needed?

He was diagnosed in March (battle after fucking battle to get that diagnosis)

Last year (Y2) there was much more TA help (TAs that knew him and were able to intervene or - at the very fucking least - recognise a meltdown or a trigger) This year, NOTHING.

I remember an IEP but is was very focused on academic achievement (which DS clearly did not meet) and vague objectives.

I am very friendly with the SENCO who is lovely and is basically the SEN child whisperer but she simply hasn't done her job. She hasn't even requested the ed psych come into see him again (until I insisted).

All school do is fire fight and defend. They downplay everything and make parents like me feels ridiculous.

Usernamealreadyexists Wed 09-Nov-16 09:18:24

I'm so sorry your son is going through this. I have an autistic child in Y1 and can easily things heading in the same direction as my DS's needs are not being met. We have no senco and no support and I'm seriously worried.

Hi lease call sos SEN as they are very helpful.

Rainingchocolate Wed 09-Nov-16 10:00:29

You could well be talking about my sons school, it's outstanding but their SEND provision is poor.

I go to work meeting with notes, take notes of what was said, email a summary, I have the contact details for the Governor in charge of send and all their policies in my file and refer to it as necessary.

It's exhausting. sad and I was lulled into a force sense of security this term but the minor adjustments they made (which made a huge difference to him) have slowly stopped happening. Awaiting a review meeting but they are too busy apparently.

I would document everything, ask if he is on the send register, ask if he has a one page profile or whatever the equivalent in your area is, go through the policy and highlight the areas that have not happened. Ask why not. Follow up in writing. Ask for the education and welfare officers details and inform them of poor attendance yourself and why. Let the school know you have done this.

Good luck.

Usernamealreadyexists Wed 09-Nov-16 11:06:59

rainingchocolate you sound very methodical and clued up. Pl may I pm you?

Rainingchocolate Wed 09-Nov-16 11:39:46

You can indeed, I am new to all this (diagnosis of HFA in August for DS8) but will do my best to help. I had some great advice from Polter on Sn chat.

I work in early years so have some background in Sen but at a much younger age.

Boiing Wed 09-Nov-16 22:59:49

I can't comment on the special needs stuff, but if you are in England, and are not prepared to send him back to that school then all you have to do is send a letter to the head saying that you are de-registering him, effective immediately. That's pretty much the end of your obligation to the school, although obviously you have then given up the place and might not get it back should you want to. You can then home educate, either indefinitely or just until things have calmed down and you have found a place at a better school. There is tonnes of info on the internet and facebook home education groups about how to do this.

beautifulgirls Fri 11-Nov-16 21:49:28

I know it isnt what you want to do but send him to school. Every time there is an incident make sure there is a school record of this happening, even if you have to email them each time following a verbal discussion - something along the lines of "Dear school teacher, I understand DS was involved in an incident where X happened today. Following our discussion you have agreed Y (if applicable). The school may not respond however it creates an evidence base on his school record that you may later need to use to prove issues are happening if the school are not openly particularly supportive of the EHCP application.
Sadly it seems the way it works with local authorities is that in many cases they decline these applications in the hope you will back off and not push the issue further. Schools seem to be under the impression that getting an EHCP in place is close to impossible and often don't then help parents with the process. Be prepared to need to appeal at each stage of the process.
I have a DD with ASD and some learning difficulties. Year 3 was the worst for her in mainstream when the pressure increased and the support overall decreased (despite having 1:1 at that stage). She has since moved to a specialist school with small classes and high staff to student ratios. She is happy, calm and working well for her capabilites now. I am certain we did the right thing but we had a fight to get there for her and had to appeal at every stage of the process to get her statemented (old version of the EHCP which has now replaced statements).

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