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9yo hating school, noit settling in - how can we help him?

(5 Posts)
CocktailQueen Mon 31-Oct-16 09:40:12

DS started middle school in Sept. First 3 weeks were good, but then he got realy worried about catching a sick bug and he was in tears every morning before school, very clingy with me, waking in the night crying, etc.

We decided to take him to a psychotherapist to give him some strategies to manage his anxiety. He's been seeing her for 4 weeks. Then he said he was anxious about other aspects of school - shouting teachers, more homework, detentions (some teachers seem to forget they're teaching lower-school chidren, not teens).

This morning, going back after half term was horrible. He was crying and shaking, saying he hated school, he didn't want to go.

There's a pastoral care teacher at school so I texted her to see if she was available to meet dc and take him in, but she wasn't. He had to walk in by himself (he normally meets a friend each day but friend was off today).

You could tell he'd been crying, and it takes such an effort for him to go in every day. I worry I'm damaging him by making him go in - but I don't want to keep him at home just because he's worried something mght happen!

He's not learning or making the progress he should be because he's worried ALL the time. School is the first thing he thinks about every day and it's horrible to watch him. I feel so helpless.

He's been anxious before but nothing like this. It's stopping him doing out of school hobbies too - he has refused to go to football etc. in case someone has a sick bug.

Will he grow out of this? I don't want his friends thinking he's weird or being a wuss, and getting bored of him. I just want him to be confident again. I see groups of other dc his age at school and everyone else seems so confident. Why can't my dc be the same?

Please, could anyone help? What else can we do? What could/should the school be doing to help? Sorry this is so long.

Mary21 Mon 31-Oct-16 18:12:13

Have you been in touch with his form teacher and the SENCO.
Do they have different teachers for different lessons like secondary or stay with the same teacher all day like primary?

CocktailQueen Tue 01-Nov-16 07:42:24

They have a two-week timetable, different teachers and move around the school to differennt classes. Very different to lower school.

Thanks fopr your reply smile - have now arranged meeting with pastoral care and form teacher.

irvineoneohone Tue 01-Nov-16 08:07:41

It sound like there's more to it, but for the fear of sick bugs, can you let him carry antibacterial gel/wipes?

My ds had phobia of bugs, since he has chronic illness and simple infection meant a week's stay at hospital. School let him carry small bottle of gel in his pocket. I doubt its effectiveness, but at least it put ds's mind at rest constantly getting ill, since he had some control over it.

Maia290 Tue 01-Nov-16 14:25:53

I think he may be very scared, as you were saying 'Then he said he was anxious about other aspects of school - shouting teachers, more homework, detentions (some teachers seem to forget they're teaching lower-school children, not teens)'.
I remember my old days at school, and some teachers can seem very scary when you are only 9. I would try to show him empathy and understanding, and if you can tell him of a situation of yourself being scared because of your teachers when you were younger it may help him.
And tell the teacher that your child seems very scared with all the shouting and detention and that your child needs a teacher he can feel close to, if the teacher can give your son for a few weeks some sort of quality time to try to heal the wounds (if you know what I mean), good luck.

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