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Should DC come to parents evening?

(44 Posts)
TripTrappedNow Thu 27-Oct-16 11:57:40

In my house we never went, parents went alone. In DH's house kids went along too.

DC is 7.

mrz Thu 27-Oct-16 12:00:10

As a teacher I'd prefer younger children not to attend

AutumnSunday Thu 27-Oct-16 12:51:42

Dc old school, parents evening was held in the hall not in the classroom. Many parents brought their dc along, including younger siblings. It was almost set up like a doctor's waiting room. I did find this quite bizarre, it was all out in the open and other parents could hear how other dc were doing regarding attainment.

Current school, all held in the dc classroom, one to one, various parents bring their dc but they wait in the area outside the classroom. Up until now I haven't taken ds but the forthcoming one I'll have to as I don't have anyone to watch him. He's older now though and will either sit with me while I chat to the teacher or wait outside.

Ideally I prefer being on my own.

sirfredfredgeorge Thu 27-Oct-16 12:53:15

For me a child should be involved in their education, which means they should go. If the teacher has something serious enough to discuss that the child shouldn't hear, it should be more urgent than waiting for parents evening.

BackforGood Thu 27-Oct-16 13:16:27

From both a teachers pov, and a parents pov, I think they are much more productive without the child there, but it varies from school to school - some are very keen to follow this fashion, others go so far as banning children. Probably best to ask someone from the school rather than assume.

TripTrappedNow Thu 27-Oct-16 13:37:47

Thank you. I'll call the school and check. I feel quite strongly that a lot is expected of kids this age and for DC to hear us 'checking up on his progress' adds extra unnecessary pressure. He is a worry wart but I think doing well at school. His teacher is a star and I am sure gives praise and correction as needed in the normal routine.

DH worries that DC will hate us talking about him behind his back.

I guess this all changes when child is more autonomous/older but I do want to ask questions about how we enable him, from home, to achieve his potential but I don't want him to feel pressured by this.

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 27-Oct-16 13:41:59

I've always take my kids to every parents eve. Mainly due to not having anyone else to have them but ime most parents do the same.

LucyFuckingPevensie Thu 27-Oct-16 13:48:54

Our school has a crèche that we drop dc off at, we always go in and chat without them. It's just a chat to see how they're doing, no pressure or talking behind their back.
Some parents do take their dc but I am pretty sure the teachers would prefer they use the crèche.

elfonshelf Thu 27-Oct-16 14:15:48

DC are expected to come to parents evenings at DD's school. Personally I'd prefer to speak to the teacher without DD there.

TripTrappedNow Thu 27-Oct-16 15:50:39

Called school, they prefer its for the parents without DC in tow.
I wish they were a bit clearer. We have childcare so its not a problem for us but offering a creche - that would give a nice clear steer and see everyone doing the meeting in same that way just parents with teachers.

marcopront Thu 27-Oct-16 15:59:35

As a teacher and a parent, I think children should be there. I want my daughter and the children I teach to be active participants in their learning.

ShelaghTurner Thu 27-Oct-16 16:03:01

Well as my appts last week were at 3.10 and 3.30 I didn't have a lot of choice.

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Thu 27-Oct-16 16:03:51

Our school doesn't seem to mind and it's very much left up to parents to decide whether child is in the room or not. DS teacher made the point that there would be no "nasty surprises" at parents evening - ie if there was a problem or concern she would have discussed it with us well before parents evening. It's more a general summary, chance to look around the classroom, see their workbooks and for us to ask any questions.

TheTroubleWithAngels Thu 27-Oct-16 17:37:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiaowTheCat Thu 27-Oct-16 18:47:33

I don't have much of a choice if I want DH to attend - have to take both kids.

Took 'em with their tablets, made them sit out of the way and not interrupt which is about as much as I could possibly do.

ErrolTheDragon Thu 27-Oct-16 18:50:11

Kids weren't allowed at parents' evenings at DDs primary. They were very much expected to attend in secondary from yr 8 on.

irvineoneohone Thu 27-Oct-16 19:41:31

At my ds' school, it's totally up to the parents to take child or not. They open up library, computer suite for children so they can hang around there, or come sit with parents if they want to.

Parents' information evening kind of things(beginning of year)are strictly no children allowed.

dementedpixie Thu 27-Oct-16 19:46:25

Our primary school discourages children but I used to have to take them as there was no childcare. They looked round the book fayre and played on a tablet/phone/ds in the dinner hall while we saw the teachers

Believeitornot Thu 27-Oct-16 22:14:14

My children are active learners in the classroom already. I would much rather not take the dcs along especially as this is one of the few chances I get with the teacher. Eg I might want to discuss something which is niggling me which doesn't warrant a phone call (I work) but does need raising.

MrR2200 Fri 28-Oct-16 01:37:25

As a KS2 teacher, I vastly prefer having the children present if it's feasible. There are always exceptional circumstances but generally serious/urgent/difficult issues should be discussed by phone, 1:1 meetings or in separate regular SEN meetings.

With the child there, you can explore things from all perspectives, you can clarify things more easily, make informed decisions with every party involved and it demonstrates to the learner a clear, consistent and (for the anxious) reassuring message (as I say, anything alarming shouldn't be saved for parents' evening anyway). Also, although I'm with them all day, it's a real luxury to have 10 minutes of protected 1:1 discussion time about their progress across the board.

AutumnSunday, the hall format is generally for the protection of the teachers and parents. While very rare, it's sadly not unheard of for parents to be abusive and/or aggressive to teachers and/or other parents. Keeping it in a public space protects everyone. The waiting area should be out of earshot as far as possible though.

TripTrappedNow Fri 28-Oct-16 10:32:44

The meeting went well and we came away well informed. I felt the information we gained was pitched to an adult level of understanding and therefore more useful to us supporting DS at home than if it had been tailored to suit him being present.

zippygeorgeandben Tue 01-Nov-16 21:40:50

As a teacher I would rather the child did not attend because in a ten minute session I have things I want to discuss, parents have questions that they want to discuss, this doesn't leave anytime for engaging a child in an experience they aren't quite sure about.
Bringing younger siblings is even worse because the parent is just not engaged when they have a child crying in a pushchair or causing chaos around the classroom.

my2bundles Wed 02-Nov-16 11:06:43

Zippy we don't all the the luxury of being able to attend without our children. Mine have to come with me, it's either that or leave them home alone which I'm sure you will agree is not an option. For the person who said kids need to be banned from attending you really need a reality check.

Ginmummy1 Wed 02-Nov-16 12:28:55

my2bundles, I can't see that anyone said kids need to be banned from attending?

Yes, it's rather inconvenient to arrange childcare in order that you can attend parents' evening without children, but it is normally possible, if that is something that the school requests or the parent prefers. Perhaps a reciprocal arrangement with another parent friend (this is what I've done so far), or arrange for a grandparent/relative to cover (and I would do this if no other option, even though all relatives live at least an hour away), or pay a babysitter, or (last resort) only one parent attends while the other looks after the children at home.

AnnPerkins Wed 02-Nov-16 12:43:24

DS's school says not to bring them in but they are allowed to wait in the 'library' - a small area off the corridor near the entrance. It's a small school, only 130 pupils, so not as busy an environment as much bigger schools. The HT hovers in the area to greet parents and keeps an eagle eye on the children.

DS's friends were already waiting for their mum when we arrived. They were messing about when we walked in and DS made to start the same. I gave him my best death stare and threatened him with all sorts if the HT had to speak to him the way she had to the other two.

She told me he behaved, thankfully.

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