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School trip and music lesson clash, your advice please

(101 Posts)
mouldycheesefan Thu 20-Oct-16 08:20:19

School trip clashes with day my dd 9 has a music lesson in school. She has been offered to go on the trip with another class in a different day. She became very tearful when this was suggested saying she doesn't want to go on the trip with another class, she wants to go with her friends in her class. This would mean her missing the music lesson which I already have paid for.
She started the music lessons this term because she was keen to learn the instrument. The deal was that she would have the instrument as a birthday present and would practice willingly. we would support her by paying for the lessons, music books and hearing her practice.
In the few weeks since she started she has missed a lesson because she forgot, lost her music book, not been very focused during practice and now she wants to miss another lesson so she can go on the trip with her class.
I have contacted school to see if she can shift the lesson to another day but this seems doubtful as an option.
I admit that I don't want to be paying out for lessons that she doesn't attend. Would it be harsh to say that she has to refund me the cost of he lesson?
She does five other extra curricular activities and works hard in school and is intelligent. We do four practices in the instrument of ten mins each per week, two by herself and two with parent.

Should I just say fine miss the lesson, is it worth the tears and faff?
Appreciate words of wisdom

Meadows76 Thu 20-Oct-16 08:27:20

Very harsh indeed to expect her to reimburse you for the cost of a missed lesson. It's a one off, why would you not just let her go? I despair at people like you

timeforabrewnow Thu 20-Oct-16 08:27:54

Let her go on the trip.

As for the music lesson, it's the second one she's missed. Not the end of the world.

Ollycat Thu 20-Oct-16 08:28:54

Essentially miss the lesson and don't ask for a refund!

I imagine it is a peripatetic teacher so they will have a set unmovable time they come to the school. The school has offered you an alternative.

That's all there is to it really - there will be times when you miss music lessons. Would you ask for a refund for a missed ballet / brownies session?

ellesbellesxxx Thu 20-Oct-16 08:31:51

I say this as someone who coordinates music teachers... it's surely expected that from time to time, a lesson will get missed... illness/trips etc.
All the music teachers I work with teach in several different schools so it would be impossible for them to rearrange days. We can juggle times when possible but this does rely on plenty of notice.
I appreciate its frustrating when you have paid out for something but equally, if she is working hard on the instrument, she will catch up in no time.
I would say it's worth checking what school ask their teachers to do if a child forgets their lesson.. I ask music teachers to call their class to remind them but obviously for break/lunchtime lessons this is impossible!

irvineoneohone Thu 20-Oct-16 08:33:30

School trip with friends > music lesson

steppemum Thu 20-Oct-16 08:33:56

miss the lesson.

dd (8) started the clarinet lats year. It hasn't been a straightforward road with practicing and remembering boks/instrument at all.
I think at this age, while I expect her to remember, I will always have the back up that I check she has books and instrument on the day. After all, to miss the paid for lesson due to no book is such a pain.

We finally found a practice time that works, (7:45 am!!) and it suits her and now she reminds me every day, but it took us a good few months to find that time. I always sit with her. She wouln't do it on her own.
I have found that she has got better with practice as she sees progress.

But school trips are a one off, and of course she will want to go with her class. I would let her go. Other wise the music becomes the baddie.

The music teacher may be willing, given that you can give him/her notice, to add an extra lesson on at the end (ours are always 10 per term, so a couple of weeks to play with at the end) Or do a double lesson at some point. Our teacher has done this when she was ill.

MrsJayy Thu 20-Oct-16 08:34:24

Let her go on the trip it is 1 of these clashes that we just need to absorb the cost, block paying lessons and other things happens sometimes,

Coughingchildren5 Thu 20-Oct-16 08:34:45

This is exactly the kind of thing that puts kids off studying instruments. Why not ask the school to put some effort into rescheduling her music lesson. It is completely unfair to expect her to go on the school trip with another class.

This is not the time to teach her the concept of compensation or refunds and it isn't your daughter who should be blamed for the clash in timetables!

shouldwestayorshouldwego Thu 20-Oct-16 08:36:15

Yes let her go. Usually the school has managed to juggle things but sometimes we have had to write off a lesson. It presumably would impact on two days - the day of the music lesson she would have to go in a different class and the trip day. Can she have lessons after school/ at lunchtime instead going forward?

At 9 and in school generally the teacher comes to collect them in my experience so I would complain that she was able to forget a lesson.

OverAndAbove Thu 20-Oct-16 08:38:15

This happens to my two a lot and we just have to suck it up. They can't just get the teacher there on another day as they have other schools to visit and they can't just come along for one missed lesson.

It's unfair to have a 9yo stressing about this - I just tell mine it's not their problem and (if I'm organised enough) email the instrument teacher myself to let them know and ask if there's anything in particular they should be practising as an extra.

Hiddeninplainsight Thu 20-Oct-16 08:43:22

Let her go. The clash isn't her fault, and of course she wants to go with her class. For the instrument, perhaps try and help her get into a daily routine of practice. It is hard to learn to persevere when you realise practice and learning is harder than you think. But if she practices every day, it becomes part of the routine and so actually feels less effort full.

idontlikealdi Thu 20-Oct-16 08:46:27

Just let her go!

INeedNewShoes Thu 20-Oct-16 08:49:18

A bit of a side note, but in response to a pp, a child should never have to miss their lesson just because they have forgotten their book! The teacher will still be able to do a worthwhile lesson.

AChickenCalledKorma Thu 20-Oct-16 08:53:54

Definitely let her go. The music teacher will be used to children occasionally missing lessons because there is a clash with something that takes them out of school. But give her as much notice as you can - in my experience, schools do not necessarily pass the message on to the music teachers and it's annoying for them if they are sitting at school twiddling their thumbs waiting for a child that isn't even there!

The music teacher might even have a system for catch-up lessons. Ours does. It sounds like that might not be the case in yours, but it's worth asking the teacher direct if possible - i.e. not via the school office, because they may not actually deal with the admin for music lessons.

CotswoldStrife Thu 20-Oct-16 08:59:14

Trip over the music lesson, without hesitation in my case.

Is there no-one else learning the same instrument in school - in my DD's school they will share music books and instruments if someone has forgotten (it does happen!).

Wouldn't expect to reschedule the music lesson either.

steppemum Thu 20-Oct-16 09:00:10

INeed - it was me misreading the OP, I thought she missed her lesson because she forgot her boook. Re-reading it, she lissed because she forgot, and also, at another time lost her book. My mistake.
My dd wouldn't miss a lesson due to missing book, teacher would do something else with her.

LIZS Thu 20-Oct-16 09:04:03

Trip. Could you ask the music teacher if she can do before or after school or make the time up another week. Sometimes it depends on the notice you can give and whether there is flexibility in the teacher's timetable. Unfortunately missing the odd lesson is par for the course.

sparepantsandtoothbrush Thu 20-Oct-16 09:09:36

Mountain out of a molehill! Of course she should go on the trip with her friends. It doesn't really sound like she wants to be doing the lessons anyway. I'd cancel the lessons and sell the instrument

StopShoutingAtYourBrother Thu 20-Oct-16 09:15:48

Please tell me you weren't seriously considering asking a 9 year old to reimburse you the cost of a missed lesson so she can attend a school trip?


insan1tyscartching Thu 20-Oct-16 09:21:25

Dd has piano lessons in school, I wouldn't expect her to miss a trip with her class for the sake of one twenty minute music lesson that's bizarre hmm With dd's lessons though if the teacher is given notice and manages to reallocate the lesson (in secondary though so plenty of students who might want extra with exams coming up) then she knocks the cost of the lesson off of next term's fees.

MakingItFun Thu 20-Oct-16 09:24:35

I'm a violin teacher working in schools. Let her go on the trip. This sort of clash will happen, and if you try to force the issue with your DD, or make her reimburse the lesson, she will quickly come to hate the instrument and want to quit.

If you're really fussed about losing the payment, then send her for private lessons outside school. Peripatetic teachers dash from school to school and can't usually reschedule lessons. Best we can do is reschedule within the day, so if a class are out but back after break for example, we can swap lesson times, although class teachers understandably often don't want that.

Occasionally I've turned up at a school to find all the children out, eg at church, and I haven't been told in advance. In those cases I will return and offer the whole day's lessons on another date - although frankly I don't see why I should!

TreehouseTales Thu 20-Oct-16 09:31:37

I wish schools and peripatetic teachers spoke to each other more.

I've just started paying for music lessons and it's so expensive! It's done through school so I'd expect school to ensure the lessons are arranged or rearranged not to clash with trips. I dont want to pay school for a school arranged music lesson when school haven't got my child in school!

Glastonbury Thu 20-Oct-16 09:34:51

My Dd's missed loads of their paid for lessons. For some reason the school always organised trips on the same day. The teacher only came in one day a week so no chance to rearrange. It's just the way it works. They are supposed to be fun, you are making it difficult for your Dd.

redskytonight Thu 20-Oct-16 09:35:23

Absolutely let her go on the trip.
I'm assuming she has music lessons in school with a peri teacher? If so, they will be absolutely used to DC missing lessons due to both illness and clashing with school events.

If this was DD's school, they actually "overschedule" i.e. they schedule 12 lessons but we only pay for 10, on the basis that 2 may well be missed (on the teacher's side as well!). The teacher is also sometimes able to offer a longer lesson to "make up". Rescheduling is usually harder as the teacher may only be in the school for a few hours on one day, so can't really come in another time.

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