Missing playtime because work isn't completed

[m0therofdragons]

I'm trying to find out if this is normal. Dd3 was upset tonight because when she finds her work too hard and is too slow her teacher makes her stay behind in the class to finish. This means she's often missing some of her play time. Is that normal? It feels harsh. Dd is an August baby so in my mind it's unfair to expect her to necessarily do the same work as her friends who are 11.5 months older. Am I being a bit precious?

[GraceGrape]

How old is your DD? When I taught younger children (KS1) I wouldn't keep them in at playtimes to finish work unless they had refused to try at it at all or I wanted a couple of minutes to explain something to them quietly without distraction.

In KS2, I keep children in for a few minutes if I feel that they haven't put in the required effort during lesson time. I wouldn't keep a child in if they had tried really hard but hadn't got much done. I might keep them in to explain if I thought they hadn't understood.

If I were you, I would have a word with the teacher about expectations. Also, if your DD is finding the work hard, is she telling the teacher so that she can get some support?

[Imnotaslimjim]

My DS is often a little behind his friends getting his class work done. He is given the choice to give up some of his break time to get the work done so he had the sense of completion. It is his choice though,

TBH I'm not sure how much her age comes into it if they're all taught the same thing. Are there any others the same age as her? How do they manage?

[m0therofdragons]

Dd is just 5 and in year 1. She hit all expected levels at the end of reception but does have to work hard. She was prem and should technically be in reception this year but changed her school year by being prem. I probably over protect her but it felt a bit mean.

[m0therofdragons]

She's the youngest in the year. Not sure how others manage as I'm not in class and don't compare on the playground.

[GraceGrape]

Expectations in Year 1 are very different to Reception and the transition to a more formal setting can be difficult. I think it's quite harsh to be missing playtime at this stage of the transition but it's hard to say without knowing exactly how your DD is in class. I would definitely recommend speaking to the teacher about it, even if it's just to discuss ways to support your DD in the lesson so she doesn't need to miss any playtimes.

[user789653241]

My ds was sometimes kept during breaks to finish his work. Of course he complained to me, but I totally agreed with teacher because I knew exactly what he was like. He can get easily distracted when he is doing something he doesn't like, like writing. Spend ages just staring into space or fiddling with pencil. It still happens, but less likely, since he learned the lesson.

But if she is genuinely finding work too hard, shouldn't she learn to get help from teacher/TA during class?

[mouldycheesefan]

To be honest the ones that end up staying in to finish work at our school are the ones that are daydreaming, not concentrating, talking etc rather than the ones that find it tricky.
When would you prefer her to finish the work? What other things would you prefer her to miss?
Tbh as a parent of premature children myself, it's not the norm to say well she would have been in a younger year group if she had been born on time. She is in the year group for her birth date not her due date, same as all other children.
If she is meeting the expected levels then it's unlikely she is finding the work too tricky and more likely that she isn't focuses on getting it done. You can help with this at home.

[JennyOnAPlate]

This is normal for the juniors at dds school but, but not for the infants. It seems harsh for year one.

[NotCitrus]

How long is she actually kept in for? Our school keeps them for a max of 3 minutes, usually 1 or 2, which is nothing given the scrum to find coats and all!

Still get children sad they didn't get "any" playtime. Speak to the teacher and find out what's going on.

[m0therofdragons]

I'm not sure how long she's kept in. I'm going to ask - I'm fully aware that 5yos are not the most accurate.

Not sure why I can't take into account summer born and the fact that had she been born 38 hours later she would be in the next school year. I would expect a 6yo to behave differently to a 5yo - it's a year of extra developing. I know it evens out but we are not there yet. Evidence shows summer borns can struggle and I personally think that at this stage she should be loving school and be encouraged not punished. I don't get the impression she's chatty she just takes longer than others to draw the cursive letters.

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

DD has missed break the last 2 days running,she is year 3 and I'm not happy about it, half of break time I would have agreed but she needs time to go to the loo, stretch her legs etc.

How much of playtime is your DD actually missing? And is she struggling with the work or is she getting distracted and not getting on with it?

Up to 5 minutes in year 1 I think is ok if she's getting distracted easily or messing around but any more than that does seem a bit mean, and if she's genuinely trying and finding it too hard keeping her in is mean regardless of how long its for.

I dont think being the youngest means she should automatically be expected to do any less than the oldest in the year though, they've had the same amount of schooling (DD's an October birthday, DS is July, DD definitely struggles more academically and maturity wise than DS ever has, once they've been at school a year its far more about their ability and attitude than where their birthday falls)

[m0therofdragons]

I agree being youngest doesn't mean she'll be different but she is emotionally immature. If it was dd2 I'd assume she was chatting but dd3 hates being told off and is desperate to please.

I just want her to enjoy school rather than cry herself to sleep feeling she's failing.

[zoemaguire]

'it's not the norm to say well she would have been in a younger year group if she had been born on time. She is in the year group for her birth date not her due date, same as all other children.'

That's a pretty breathtaking comment. Moukdychese, you had a seriously premature child? Really? It totally is 'the norm' to say that, and as a parent of a premature child im amazed you cant see that ex-prems are in fact not atcall 'the same as all other children'. My ds was born three and a half months early and like ops DD skipped up a school year. So he is in effect over 15 months younger than the oldest child in his class. Too right I'll mention that to every single teacher he encounters at primary school, because it is extremely relevant. I see the effects daily in the struggles he has with motor skills and concentration, and his immaturity compared to other children. So not only has he got to contend with developmental disadvantages attached to being born so prematurely, he also has to do it competing with much older kids. A double whammy. If he had started reception when he should have done, rather than a year early as a consequence of spending his first three months of life in NICU, there'd be more of a level playing field.

As for playtime, it amazes me that teachers think missing playtime at that age will do anybody any favours, either child or teacher. 'You're antsy and distracted, so I won't let you run around outside and let off steam.' Lunacy! I'd be bringing it up with the teacher, op.

[OliveBranchCollins]

She said 38 hours early

[kilmuir]

It's harsh if it's all playtime and especially so if she has been trying hard.
Surely having a bit of fresh air and a run around means they are less sluggish for next lesson

[cavalo]

OP said that if her daughter was born 38 hours later she'd be in a different school year, not that she was 38 hours premature. She could be weeks or months premature.

OP, it sounds odd to me and irrespective of the child's age I would hope that each child enjoys their playtime. Age 5 seems too young for anyone to miss a full playtime for what's developmentally normal behaviour (bring dreamy / distracted or genuinely struggling.)

[RB68]

Mother of a prem born at 30 plus 5 and skipped a year. Now a late August birthday.

Generally preemies are signed off medically at around 2 yrs old to being on a par with actual peers. So for the most part unless there are significant delays due to illnesses or brain injury etc by school age they are on a par with their actual birthdate peer group.

In my view you are being a bit precious. Kids need to learn to focus and get on with their work and understand the consequences if they do not. HOWEVER I also do not agree with missing playtime as this is breakout and brain recovery time for the next bit of the day. I would rather it was sent home for finishing as a) parent gets to know b) Child doesn't lose playtime. You can help her with getting faster with some home practice - that is the parent job in my view. We had a similar issue and to this day DD hates timed exercises - she is a slow and steady girl that is her nature but that isn't how the rest of the world generally works

[TreehouseTales]

I don't get it. They don't so it at infants here but they do in juniors if they don't read 3 times a week/don't get half right in spellings/ don't hand in homework. At 7 we were making papier-mache models and playing still.

The last thing they need is less exercise.

[PikachuBoo]

On of mine told me he was 'always' being kept in a break (he's a bright faffer who doesn't listen) so I went to ask the teacher what had been happening. He and his co-faffers had been kept in for five minutes once!

[Greenicicle]

Hi M0ther
I wish I had known 13 years ago when my now 17 tear old DD started school that there was such a thing as ADHD-PI. What we have discovered by chance this year is that ADHD in girls often looks like daydreaming or inattentiveness, hence 'PI" which stands for Predominantly Inattentive. There are about 9 symptoms and they have to be evident in more than one setting, e.g. home and school. My DD has all of them! She has spent all her school life being punished for being slow, not finishing work etc. She's pretty intelligent but struggles to keep 'on task'.
She was diagnosed this year and is on medication. The difference is dramatic. Unfortunately we did end up having to go private because MH resources in our area won't stretch to a non disruptive special need.
I am NOT saying she has this condition but Its worth knowing about it ☺

[WowOoo]

Ah, bless her. Could you tell her to think of it as extra learning time rather than less playtime? The teacher knows she can do great work, so wants to see more on paper......that kind of thing?

It's a hard one to put a positive spin on when they are actually trying their best in busy classroom, but that's what I told my child. It made him happier about it.

[mouldycheesefan]

If she is crying herself to sleep saying she is a failure that is an entirely different situation, which you surprisingly didn't mention in the op, and yes you should discuss with the teacher as soon as possible. That is vey different from missing a playtime to catch up.
There are kids in my dds year group that if born a day later would have been in year below and equally one born just after midnight 1st September who if they were born an hour earlier would have been in the year above. It happens it's not unusual.

No my dcs were not seriously prem, only 2 months.

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

Ah yeah, if she's emotionally immature that does make a lot of difference. No child should be crying because they feel they're failing, especially not so early in year 1.

Go in and talk to the teacher. I would emphasise the emotionally immature bit and how upset she is, which is very useful information, where as the way you worded the age gap did sound a little precious. (I work with similar age children and I'd take your later posts as a far more serious issue than it sounded in your first post)

[zoemaguire]

"Generally preemies are signed off medically at around 2 yrs old to being on a par with actual peers. So for the most part unless there are significant delays due to illnesses or brain injury etc by school age they are on a par with their actual birthdate peer group."

They may be signed off medically (though very rarely indeed at 2 years old for a child born at 26 weeks - we were signed off at 4, with question marks around hearing for a further year and sight issues that continue today), but that really doesn't mean they are on a par with their birthdate peer group. I have always noticed the difference with DS - he isn't hugely delayed, but he absolutely would have fitted in a million times better with the year below the one he is in. If nothing else, he is nearly two heads smaller than some of the boys in his class. Anyway, I appreciate it's not the point of the thread, and I don't know how early OPs DD was, but I was just totally bemused by the idea that it was 'abnormal' to mention that a prem baby was in the 'wrong 'year group. In fact there's been strenuous campaigning for years by parents and prem baby charities for very prem babies to be allowed to join the year group corresponding to their due date. It's a big issue!

[zoemaguire]

ex-prem I should say, I don't think anybody is calling for babies to start school:)